This is going to be the first time saying this. Keep in mind that I am 12 years old and male. I know I have life a lot better than others, but I want to discuss my problems.
First of all, school. I used to love going there, two years ago. Now it is literal hell. I get bullied and made fun of everyday, and everyone who I thought to be my friend has turned against me. I am very depressed and my confidence has gone extremely low since a while ago, and I have turned into someone who I hate because I tried to fit it. Luckily, I'm moving to a better school soon. It's a private school, as I felt the people there are there to learn and none of them don't want to be there. That's the kind of people I like, who I can fit in with. Everyone else in my year currently are utter twats, and I can't wait to move.
Unfortunately this doesn't change much. Like I said, I have turned into someone who I hate. How do I deal with this? When I joined the school in Year 7, I tried to fit in, and I had to put on a kind of act. No one liked a nerdy kid who wanted to learn and get his stuff done. I've done it for so long, it's me now. And I hate it. It's not who I want to be nor who I used to be. I want to be who I used to be. I know inside, I am who I was, but I can't help putting on this act in front of others, simply for the objective of proving myself and trying to fit in, where I really don't. I hate it. As well, as of a few years ago, I realised that I get on with girls a lot more than guys, and that they're much better friends for me. Whenever I go to some place new, the only people I get along with are females. I've realised now how much I envied them, how I would wish to be like them. I've been thinking how much better I would feel female. But I can't admit this to anyone, I just can't bring myself to it. I feel I'll be laughed at, as I'm only 12. I shouldn't be making decisions like this about my life, I haven't even figured out me yet.
Please help me..
First of all, school. I used to love going there, two years ago. Now it is literal hell. I get bullied and made fun of everyday, and everyone who I thought to be my friend has turned against me. I am very depressed and my confidence has gone extremely low since a while ago, and I have turned into someone who I hate because I tried to fit it. Luckily, I'm moving to a better school soon. It's a private school, as I felt the people there are there to learn and none of them don't want to be there. That's the kind of people I like, who I can fit in with. Everyone else in my year currently are utter twats, and I can't wait to move.
Unfortunately this doesn't change much. Like I said, I have turned into someone who I hate. How do I deal with this? When I joined the school in Year 7, I tried to fit in, and I had to put on a kind of act. No one liked a nerdy kid who wanted to learn and get his stuff done. I've done it for so long, it's me now. And I hate it. It's not who I want to be nor who I used to be. I want to be who I used to be. I know inside, I am who I was, but I can't help putting on this act in front of others, simply for the objective of proving myself and trying to fit in, where I really don't. I hate it. As well, as of a few years ago, I realised that I get on with girls a lot more than guys, and that they're much better friends for me. Whenever I go to some place new, the only people I get along with are females. I've realised now how much I envied them, how I would wish to be like them. I've been thinking how much better I would feel female. But I can't admit this to anyone, I just can't bring myself to it. I feel I'll be laughed at, as I'm only 12. I shouldn't be making decisions like this about my life, I haven't even figured out me yet.
Please help me..