life been very hard for me ,i can no longer deal with the pain

[detour12]

Hi these 4 months have been rough for me. i had to stay away from my friend ,not talking to him only waving. the teacher told me and i took this hard ,i cired about 30 mins and could't stop crying. then i had throughts i just wanted to die and not live anymore. i was on zoloft at the time and it did not help with this and the doctor up it and it worked for a little bit and the dcotor then change it to effctor. which is the worst medication i told in my life! but my friend does still wave to me when i wave to him and he sometiems waves first. but i can no longer deal with the pain anymore. i just want to cry.  Last week i went to see a phsy and i asked about cymbalta and i got it and it is working okay for now. also i think my friend hates me. last week i was standing there and he was walking down the stairs and he as walking towards me and we did not wave ,i look at the ground when he came over and he walk away a little and just stood there at the table next to me and then took off fast and then later on a ran after him to just to wave when he heard me coming ,he turn and waved. then friday i just waved to him ,it was a okay wave. and then at the buses i saw him ,i just wave and i had a coffee and i was drinking it and i said heathy and he did not say anything. Then today i saw him first thing in the morning i was not sure why i was standing there for. but he saw me coming i think he wanted to wave first but i waved first. then later i saw him walking and i just stood there without waving and he did not wave either so i decided to wave and he wave back. he rarely never looks at me ,just from the side ,look the Conor of his eye 
I can not deal with this pain anymore. I am on 20mg of cymbalta and might need more please help!