01-14-2014, 02:33 AM
(This post was last modified: 01-14-2014, 02:44 AM by badreputation.)
I guess I have always been the kind of person who don't try to get close to girls, especially the ones I like. I joke around with my friends about how it is a guy thing but in reality I am just scared to be hurt. I was once in love with a woman, but she decided that I was not good enough of a choice compared to this other guy who already had a house and a career. It took me a very long time to get over that. I buried the memories but I recently found that it haunted me anyways.
So recently there was this girl that I have been seeing. I resisted her hints of wanting a closer relationship for a long time, because i had decided to focus on my work since my last relationship. I later decided against it after she was crying quietly on my bed one night. I got her flowers the next morning and asked her to be my gf. To me being someone's girlfriend is a great responsibility. I took that up. I made sure that she was happy. I send her flowers. I tried to go over to see her every night regardless of my work and school schedule. I started planning for our future. I thought perhaps there is a way that we can stay together for a long time, maybe that was my first mistake. I couldn't help but to get clingy. I want to be able to talk to her on the phone for at least once a day. I want her attention and I start to feel hurt in the inside if she didn't call. I mean, I would do the same for her, why couldn't she do the same for me? After a serious conversation that we had, she promised that she would call more often I got really angry one night after I was pretty certain that she didn't pick up her calls on purpose. I sent her a message to express my anger. I didn't call her for a few days. Now after I get back in town, I tried calling her up and sending her messages which she would not respond.
She dislike most things I like about myself. She doesn't like that I am logical and responsible with my life. I wonder if that is how it is gonna be like to be dating in general. What should I do? Maybe she is just not the right person?Am I not doing something right?
As much as I said I don't want to be intimate with someone. It is very nice to have someone to share your life with. To know that is gonna be there for you and is yours at all times. I mean, I am usually the kind of a person that sees things in black and white, but I was actually willing to compromise on this regard. I don't know if I am just being obsessed with wanting to be in love, or if I am actually in love with her.
Sorry if this is messy.
So recently there was this girl that I have been seeing. I resisted her hints of wanting a closer relationship for a long time, because i had decided to focus on my work since my last relationship. I later decided against it after she was crying quietly on my bed one night. I got her flowers the next morning and asked her to be my gf. To me being someone's girlfriend is a great responsibility. I took that up. I made sure that she was happy. I send her flowers. I tried to go over to see her every night regardless of my work and school schedule. I started planning for our future. I thought perhaps there is a way that we can stay together for a long time, maybe that was my first mistake. I couldn't help but to get clingy. I want to be able to talk to her on the phone for at least once a day. I want her attention and I start to feel hurt in the inside if she didn't call. I mean, I would do the same for her, why couldn't she do the same for me? After a serious conversation that we had, she promised that she would call more often I got really angry one night after I was pretty certain that she didn't pick up her calls on purpose. I sent her a message to express my anger. I didn't call her for a few days. Now after I get back in town, I tried calling her up and sending her messages which she would not respond.
She dislike most things I like about myself. She doesn't like that I am logical and responsible with my life. I wonder if that is how it is gonna be like to be dating in general. What should I do? Maybe she is just not the right person?Am I not doing something right?
As much as I said I don't want to be intimate with someone. It is very nice to have someone to share your life with. To know that is gonna be there for you and is yours at all times. I mean, I am usually the kind of a person that sees things in black and white, but I was actually willing to compromise on this regard. I don't know if I am just being obsessed with wanting to be in love, or if I am actually in love with her.
Sorry if this is messy.