03-08-2012, 02:49 PM
Hey SF, this is my first post here, since I wasn't getting taken seriously at HF.
I'll introduce myself: I'm a 17 years old autistic kid from Belgium. I'm sitting on my computer all day long, I don't make that much social contacts (I don't walk up to people and make friends, it takes a long time.) I got bullied when I was 12, and I landed in this big vicious circle. I was depressed all the time and I was suicidal. It all went better until a few months ago. The girl I like, is my best friend, and she basically friendzoned me. I really love her, but she doesn't really want to fudge up our friendship. I have been feeling like crap lately. I don't know how people can call this "life". It's all one big torture for me. I'll have to go work in a year, to be able to buy enough food so I can survive, and if I have a bit of luck I can get promoted in like 10-15 years. Everybody is being such a capitalistic pig. It makes me freakin insane. I seriously am considering to buy a gun, walk up into my school, and shoot all of those cunts. I really hate myself. Every time I look into the mirror I just want to punch it as hard as I can, and see the blood flow. I can't stand most humans. I really have a hatred for humanity. We only kill, and build. I look like a walking corpse. Since I had that depression, I can't show any emotions at all. I don't have any empathy left. I know suicide is the easy way out, but it's just better for me to leave this freakin place. I hate this. All of it. Is there any good way to commit suicide, and be sure that you won't make it ? I don't want to go and see another freakin shrink. I had to go to this mental hospital for 7 months to treat my depression. It all went swell, until a few months ago. I really want to die. I have a caring family and all, and it will be painful for them, but it's just the best for me and everybody around me. I only make people cry. My dad can't stand it that I won't be "normal". I don't want to hurt them anymore. I'm not seeking for any attention. I'm no attention whore. I'd like to die so everybody can live in peace.
I'll introduce myself: I'm a 17 years old autistic kid from Belgium. I'm sitting on my computer all day long, I don't make that much social contacts (I don't walk up to people and make friends, it takes a long time.) I got bullied when I was 12, and I landed in this big vicious circle. I was depressed all the time and I was suicidal. It all went better until a few months ago. The girl I like, is my best friend, and she basically friendzoned me. I really love her, but she doesn't really want to fudge up our friendship. I have been feeling like crap lately. I don't know how people can call this "life". It's all one big torture for me. I'll have to go work in a year, to be able to buy enough food so I can survive, and if I have a bit of luck I can get promoted in like 10-15 years. Everybody is being such a capitalistic pig. It makes me freakin insane. I seriously am considering to buy a gun, walk up into my school, and shoot all of those cunts. I really hate myself. Every time I look into the mirror I just want to punch it as hard as I can, and see the blood flow. I can't stand most humans. I really have a hatred for humanity. We only kill, and build. I look like a walking corpse. Since I had that depression, I can't show any emotions at all. I don't have any empathy left. I know suicide is the easy way out, but it's just better for me to leave this freakin place. I hate this. All of it. Is there any good way to commit suicide, and be sure that you won't make it ? I don't want to go and see another freakin shrink. I had to go to this mental hospital for 7 months to treat my depression. It all went swell, until a few months ago. I really want to die. I have a caring family and all, and it will be painful for them, but it's just the best for me and everybody around me. I only make people cry. My dad can't stand it that I won't be "normal". I don't want to hurt them anymore. I'm not seeking for any attention. I'm no attention whore. I'd like to die so everybody can live in peace.