07-20-2010, 09:53 PM
So.... I am at my wits end. and if anyone reads this ALL I thank you for your time.
I am a 22 year old male. I am a college graduate and currently work in IT (sort of)
I started at one company that lasted 8 months then they closed down the offices I got laid off. I then got hired on by a local IT firm.
That lasted 11 months then the economy collapsed so boom im out of work again. I then got a new job as a systems admin for a small financial firm. they did there budget and they only had room for one admin, so again I am out of work, 3 jobs in less than a 2 years time. now I finally got a job after half a year. i make 2000 bucks a month after taxes. my bills range around 1300 a month so that does not leave much on my plate I cannot move out of my parents place as I cannot find a place that is cheap I have no friends that i would move out with. ( I have one friend lets call her Heather she is always there for me )
Then.... theres the fact I am single. I have had one gf in my life. lasted a year then we ended it. I have been rejected 8 times in the last 2 months by various girls I am interested in. so... I live at home... have a job I fought real hard for that pays me crap wages im 15000 in debt... just wait till you here what for.
I bought a truck for 15000 dollars with my line of credit from the bank that I had accumalated to finance my own sub contracting company doing IT work for a business contact deploying systems all over the province pay was 65k a year. the deal fell through.... no biggie the truck was nice.
I have one hobby. drag racing. I love going to the track and watching and racing. its like a drug really I stop thinking about what is wrong with my life and focus on one thing making it down the 1/4 mile as fast as I can. I don't make enough money to do this....
and the market is saturated with IT professionals. so I am stuck answering calls for the local telecom company dealing with issues that really don't challenge me I am in auto pilot when there.
I feel like I can't get out. I can't make a life for myself. I have no savings. no friends. no credit. im stretched beyond my means. I might as well be behind bars doing 25 to life cause I feel trapped.
Heather my friend has a son with a guy who is never there for her they live together but he is often trying to bed some other woman. heather puts up with it for her sons sake and the fact she can't support him on her own. She is like a sister but recently she admitted to having feelings for me years ago that I never picked up on. I can't seem to tell when a girl is interested in me I have no clue , I really don't know how to approach them or talk or anything. I was the nice guy in high school I always walked girls home drunk from partys never tried to take advantage of them, always helped them with relationship issues. not once exploited them for sex. again lost my virginity at 20 to my first real gf often felt ashamed even lied to her at first telling her I wasnt one and then later told her she was my first.
to sum up.
I am financially burdened. I have no gf women don't find me attractive. I have one true hobby that I love but cannot afford. I have one ONE friend, and last but not least I am stuck living at home.
And I see one way out...death. at 22 years of age I can't stand my life and want to just end it. because I only get relief from this burden in two places one is sleeping and being unconcious the other is going down the 1/4 mile.
so before I up and do it. any advice? possible ways out?
and um.. if you mention how much people are gonna miss me... please don't you don't feel guilt when your dead.
also....
nothing about Christ.. I am atheist I do not believe in a higher being.
I am a 22 year old male. I am a college graduate and currently work in IT (sort of)
I started at one company that lasted 8 months then they closed down the offices I got laid off. I then got hired on by a local IT firm.
That lasted 11 months then the economy collapsed so boom im out of work again. I then got a new job as a systems admin for a small financial firm. they did there budget and they only had room for one admin, so again I am out of work, 3 jobs in less than a 2 years time. now I finally got a job after half a year. i make 2000 bucks a month after taxes. my bills range around 1300 a month so that does not leave much on my plate I cannot move out of my parents place as I cannot find a place that is cheap I have no friends that i would move out with. ( I have one friend lets call her Heather she is always there for me )
Then.... theres the fact I am single. I have had one gf in my life. lasted a year then we ended it. I have been rejected 8 times in the last 2 months by various girls I am interested in. so... I live at home... have a job I fought real hard for that pays me crap wages im 15000 in debt... just wait till you here what for.
I bought a truck for 15000 dollars with my line of credit from the bank that I had accumalated to finance my own sub contracting company doing IT work for a business contact deploying systems all over the province pay was 65k a year. the deal fell through.... no biggie the truck was nice.
I have one hobby. drag racing. I love going to the track and watching and racing. its like a drug really I stop thinking about what is wrong with my life and focus on one thing making it down the 1/4 mile as fast as I can. I don't make enough money to do this....
and the market is saturated with IT professionals. so I am stuck answering calls for the local telecom company dealing with issues that really don't challenge me I am in auto pilot when there.
I feel like I can't get out. I can't make a life for myself. I have no savings. no friends. no credit. im stretched beyond my means. I might as well be behind bars doing 25 to life cause I feel trapped.
Heather my friend has a son with a guy who is never there for her they live together but he is often trying to bed some other woman. heather puts up with it for her sons sake and the fact she can't support him on her own. She is like a sister but recently she admitted to having feelings for me years ago that I never picked up on. I can't seem to tell when a girl is interested in me I have no clue , I really don't know how to approach them or talk or anything. I was the nice guy in high school I always walked girls home drunk from partys never tried to take advantage of them, always helped them with relationship issues. not once exploited them for sex. again lost my virginity at 20 to my first real gf often felt ashamed even lied to her at first telling her I wasnt one and then later told her she was my first.
to sum up.
I am financially burdened. I have no gf women don't find me attractive. I have one true hobby that I love but cannot afford. I have one ONE friend, and last but not least I am stuck living at home.
And I see one way out...death. at 22 years of age I can't stand my life and want to just end it. because I only get relief from this burden in two places one is sleeping and being unconcious the other is going down the 1/4 mile.
so before I up and do it. any advice? possible ways out?
and um.. if you mention how much people are gonna miss me... please don't you don't feel guilt when your dead.
also....
nothing about Christ.. I am atheist I do not believe in a higher being.