Sorry to hear this n4q. I don't know how to assist you, but I seem to be able to communicate well through poetry so I will give you a piece on the matter.
As the ideas of hellish influence shroud my mind
I am dazed
They drain the life from my heart
Ripping out the moral blood from my conscience,
Until I am dry,
Cold,
And lifeless.
I have no remorse for the ones I hurt,
Yet the only remorse I feel is for the lack of evil pleasure permeating from my hands, mind, and soul.
Making my spine tingle with twisted delight,
As I stalk the innocent and prowl there every step,
Then with a meditated and meticulously accurate attack,
I efficiently feast on him with starving passion.
I drool the blood of innocence.
Yet when I turn to gray,
And my bones whither,
I look unto myself;
I see my eyes,
Those windows of treachery,
A passion far beyond the normal.
And then for a fleeting moment,
I see myself as I am;
Frail and monstrous,
Then I realize I am a monster.
A hideous beast.
I begin to weep with tears of anguish,
Which soon turned to anger,
Then to rage.
It felt good.
The venomous vile surging through my veins again,
That twisted pleasure curling my features with hellish countenance.
But,
A voice said unto me,
"You are a nobody,"
"Look what you are!"
"If only there was someway to make the world a little better."
"If only there was a way to rid it of you."
And with a gnarled laughter vanquished to the steady pulsing of my own ears.
I gazed at the razor in a lustful trance,
As I reached for it. . .
As the ideas of hellish influence shroud my mind
I am dazed
They drain the life from my heart
Ripping out the moral blood from my conscience,
Until I am dry,
Cold,
And lifeless.
I have no remorse for the ones I hurt,
Yet the only remorse I feel is for the lack of evil pleasure permeating from my hands, mind, and soul.
Making my spine tingle with twisted delight,
As I stalk the innocent and prowl there every step,
Then with a meditated and meticulously accurate attack,
I efficiently feast on him with starving passion.
I drool the blood of innocence.
Yet when I turn to gray,
And my bones whither,
I look unto myself;
I see my eyes,
Those windows of treachery,
A passion far beyond the normal.
And then for a fleeting moment,
I see myself as I am;
Frail and monstrous,
Then I realize I am a monster.
A hideous beast.
I begin to weep with tears of anguish,
Which soon turned to anger,
Then to rage.
It felt good.
The venomous vile surging through my veins again,
That twisted pleasure curling my features with hellish countenance.
But,
A voice said unto me,
"You are a nobody,"
"Look what you are!"
"If only there was someway to make the world a little better."
"If only there was a way to rid it of you."
And with a gnarled laughter vanquished to the steady pulsing of my own ears.
I gazed at the razor in a lustful trance,
As I reached for it. . .
Do what thou wilt shall be the whole of the Law. Love is the law, love under will.
.::The Rights of Man::.
.::The Rights of Man::.