12-09-2010, 05:08 PM
(12-09-2010, 04:44 PM)Frostbite Wrote: Alright, I'm more than happy to assist you with this.
Of course, your mother may or may not get in trouble so it would be to probably edit a bit, if not cut the hitting part out entirely but be sure to inform them of the stress levels going on in your household right now. It'll probably do you, your sisters and your mother to speak to someone about all of this, how it makes you feel and all of that. I recommend getting in touch with someone to help all of you. I'm sure your mother is an upstanding woman, but this type of situation tends to bring out the bad in everyone, and I don't loathe your mother, I just feel sorry for her. Yes, your grandmother needs help but so do you and your family. Stress is a killer, and you all need help coping with this.
Your grandmother needs all the attention she can get right now but least of all the negative. She needs a positive atmosphere to help her through this point in her life, which is why I suggested taking her on walks and just having short and simple conversation with her. I took into account that the negative attention from your mother may have had some worsening effects which was also why I mentioned giving your grandmother a room where they both can have some peace. Maybe you and your sisters could go sit with her and just do things with her other than watching movies or just talking, something she used to enjoy maybe? - This room isn't a permanent situation, but just a solution for your mom getting some alone time during the day-. As for the room, fill it with simple baubles and things that aren't breakable so she can vent frustration if needed, and just have a safe place. I'd recommend a baby gate or something to keep her in, or just have someone sit in with her until you can find a proper place to take care of her, that will take care of her and will be in your families budget. Something I did forget to mention is maybe getting a caretaker for her to come stay with her a few days during the week so your mother can get out of the house and take a break from it all, it help her with her stress levels. I'm not too sure about the expense factor of this sort of thing, but I'm sure you can do some calling around and find out the price range in your area. If you do take this route, get someone very compassionate and caring and won't abuse your grandmother behind closed doors. This happens sometimes, and you have to be very vigilant with whom you select.
As for seeking professional help, start smaller. Maybe get her in to see a specialist and take a copy of the video. I don't know where you live, but grab yourself a phone book or call 411 and start looking around for places in your area that you can take her to. That's all you really can do to start yourself off, other than looking for articles through Google that can better advise you on how to deal with memory loss and her listlessness until you can see that specialist. Her medication may not be the right one for her, and a switch may be necessary. I know that I don't react well to some medications and I have to switch them so that may be a contributing factor here.
Your grandmother asking your mother questions is a way to get attention, because I can only assume, that after her son died, she probably feels very alone though she's surrounded by people. If you're ever home when you see this happen, I suggest going up to her and answering the questions yourself while leading her from the room to watch some of her shows with her. Talk talk talk to her even if you think she isn't listening. Just give her all the attention she needs. It's time consuming, pain staking and stressful, yes, but all the effort will pay off eventually. I hate to say it, but you won't have the same grandmother back, you'll just make her more comfortable with the time she does have left.
I sincerely hope I am able to provide some assistance and please feel free to PM me for further help. I'll be more than happy to oblige. I even have an MSN and an AIM if you'd like to talk there so we can talk on an easier level, quicker replies and all that.
I'll provide you with some links to get you started here in the post.
Finding a Specialist
This article also has other links you can follow that the top of the page that will provide you with even more information.
The link was helpful. I think that I will print out your suggestions and have my mother read everything you've told me thus far. We've all explained her that what she's doing is wrong and by god, she knows, but when she asks us what she needs to do, we sincerely don't know what to tell her anymore.
Apart from that, I'll look into starting out small.
Rather that just explain her what you said, would you mind if I had her take a look at your responses? She'll get a better understanding of what needs to be done.