Simpler - Printable Version +- Support Forums (https://www.supportforums.net) +-- Forum: Categories (https://www.supportforums.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=87) +--- Forum: Life Support (https://www.supportforums.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=12) +---- Forum: Creative Writing (https://www.supportforums.net/forumdisplay.php?fid=59) +---- Thread: Simpler (/showthread.php?tid=26326) |
Simpler - Daniel Faraday - 05-22-2012 Well, I kind of raged, but I do agree that my last post was a little cryptic to people who don't personally know me, so here's a simpler, shorter poem. The great Ming armada chargers, Its spirit propelling it through the sea Wandering blindly over a maze of water; A monolith of faith, in human prevalence. Its captain the grand Zheng He, A man of immense stature; With an iron fist as his action. And a modest soul as his means. Their journey would take them far, far away, Led to a sea of exotic landsl To a striking world of spices, India greets them. http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0507/feature2/ RE: Simpler - gsc3po - 06-24-2012 should the last word of the first sentence be "charges" or "charger" ? unless the word chargers is in reference to a class of ship in the Ming armada perhaps. if i'm wrong and the word is " chargers" ,( plural ), the shouldn't the second line read, " their spirit propelling them through the sea" ? sorry if i sound picky but i just thought it was a typing error. other than that i love this. "with an iron fist as his action" i love cross connected terminology like this. lol and i'm not sure if it was planned but i really intensify's in power with each verse by simply using less words than the previous. it gives the whole thing gravitas, like its building towards the finale. " India greets them" . such a short final line, but it explains more, creates more thought, more imagery than the other parts. and it feels separate from everything else. fantastic. RE: Simpler - Omniscient - 06-29-2012 That's really good. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It's immediately captivating. |