Hi all im 26 and suffer from social anxiety, i broke up with my ex partner 5 years ago, after a 5 year relationship bearing two gorgeous boys.
My problem is I love the girl i always have, do and will... i see her at least once a week when seeing my boys but since the b/u i lost all my self esteem and confidence which ironically the lady in question helped me build, so now even around the person i feel most akin to in this whole world i cant express it, i dont know how
i could ramble on for pages like this... any advice would be very beneficial to my health.
Sincerly
Welcome to SF JwSmith.
Honestly bro its completely normal to feel that way after such a long relationship and having 2 children also.
Hate to say it mate but time is the only healer here. Been there and done that.
Typically the woman will get over the breakup first and "move on" often using new partners to hide the hurt.
Dunno blokes seem to wear the pain longer.
All i can say mate is move on. Force yourself to not think that way when your around her.
Think of her as simply the mother to your kids. I know you say you still love her but that will go man.
Focus on yourself and making yourself feel good. Focus also on giving the boys the best they can get off there Dad.
But just try move on man. Sure it will come at the cost of a few tears and shitty nights.
But each day it will get a little better. That i can assure you.
thanks for the quick reply damink,
i understand where your coming from but i tried to ignore the way i felt for the first 4 yrs to no avail. i know the fact that i have no social circle and dont mix with other people plays a large role in my continuing feelings for the only lady to see past my outer wierdness, which isnt self percieved its been the subject of many a conversation when i do try to socialise..... how many times do ya bang ya head before ya realise the guys telling you it will hurt were right?
I'm the type of person who likes closure in relationships. If I'm going to break up with someone, I want it to be my decision. When it's the other person's decision, quite often you're left hurt for a very long time. It's happened to me, but I kept pursuing it and we eventually got back together. This time, I got rid of her on my own terms and I'm as happy as I've ever been.
I think you have to options. Get over her, or cling onto the very faint hope that she still has feelings for you as you do for her.
(12-31-2011, 08:03 PM)JwSmith Wrote: [ -> ]thanks for the quick reply damink,
i understand where your coming from but i tried to ignore the way i felt for the first 4 yrs to no avail. i know the fact that i have no social circle and dont mix with other people plays a large role in my continuing feelings for the only lady to see past my outer wierdness, which isnt self percieved its been the subject of many a conversation when i do try to socialise..... how many times do ya bang ya head before ya realise the guys telling you it will hurt were right?
Yep for sure it would mate. You need to try get into some social network. Never say never is my theory. Take yourself out of your comfort zone and try socialize. Worst thing that can happen is you spend a day or evening or whatever not thinking about your x but about the situation at hand. That has to be a good thing. And the more out of your comfort zone the better for that.
As for banging your head against the wall.
Yea its easy to sit on the outside looking in and say its all good stop thinking about her and move on. Very easy to say and hard to do.
ok so its decided i have to go make friends... there in itself is a mountain, its been longer than i can remember since i had real contact with anyone outside my family, and what if ppl dont like what ive got to say, im only small and disagreements usually end up with fighting in my life anyway, at 5ft5 and 8st im an easy target.... guess thats the devil on my shoulder but personal experience taught me keep out the way, you know when people get old and say oooh i'll welcome death when he comes.... well id make him a cuppa tea..with biscuits, dont think im suicidal coz its not the case but i eagerly await the day he comes knocking for me
(12-31-2011, 08:26 PM)JwSmith Wrote: [ -> ]ok so its decided i have to go make friends... there in itself is a mountain, its been longer than i can remember since i had real contact with anyone outside my family, and what if ppl dont like what ive got to say, im only small and disagreements usually end up with fighting in my life anyway, at 5ft5 and 8st im an easy target.... guess thats the devil on my shoulder but personal experience taught me keep out the way, you know when people get old and say oooh i'll welcome death when he comes.... well id make him a cuppa tea..with biscuits, dont think im suicidal coz its not the case but i eagerly await the day he comes knocking for me
There will always be people that wont like you and people that will. Cant change that and you should not change who you are to accommodate that.
Hmmmmm gets me to thinking....
Why not start up something like boxing or martial arts? Its a good social network and could help in other ways.
Certainly with confidence but also its not a bad thing to learn how to defend yourself properly.
(12-31-2011, 08:26 PM)JwSmith Wrote: [ -> ]ok so its decided i have to go make friends... there in itself is a mountain, its been longer than i can remember since i had real contact with anyone outside my family, and what if ppl dont like what ive got to say, im only small and disagreements usually end up with fighting in my life anyway, at 5ft5 and 8st im an easy target.... guess thats the devil on my shoulder but personal experience taught me keep out the way, you know when people get old and say oooh i'll welcome death when he comes.... well id make him a cuppa tea..with biscuits, dont think im suicidal coz its not the case but i eagerly await the day he comes knocking for me
Get your boy King in there, I hear he's 6'5". :p
In all seriousness, it doesn't matter what you look like or what you're interested in. Find like-minded people and they will respect you for you.
Why not start up something like boxing or martial arts? Its a good social network and could help in other ways.
Certainly with confidence but also its not a bad thing to learn how to defend yourself properly.
i have considered it damink... sorta need a kick and the people around me gave up years ago, youre right tho, should give it some thought, i wonnder what forms of passive aggressive martial arts exist
Get your boy King in there, I hear he's 6'5"
lol if it was that easy
glad i bothered with ere now.. cheers guys
(12-31-2011, 08:37 PM)JwSmith Wrote: [ -> ]Why not start up something like boxing or martial arts? Its a good social network and could help in other ways.
Certainly with confidence but also its not a bad thing to learn how to defend yourself properly.
i have considered it damink... sorta need a kick and the people around me gave up years ago, youre right tho, should give it some thought, i wonnder what forms of passive aggressive martial arts exist
Get your boy King in there, I hear he's 6'5"
lol if it was that easy
glad i bothered with ere now.. cheers guys
Always welcome here mate. Martial arts sounds really good actually, for someone in your situation. Friends + Less chance of getting in a fight you can't win = success.
