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hi i am new to this site and forums in general. this is what i have got going in my life right now.
i am a 50 year old male who has always worked hard to support my wife and family,3 years ago my brother had a drug melt down and abused my 87 year old mother.i steped in and took her out of that,and moved her in with my wife and i.my wife and i have been married for 25 years and the last 3 years has put a strain on the relationship,my mother has alot of health issues and requires alot of attention,last july was my 25 wedding anversary and i thought everything was fine,little did i know at the time that my wife had been attracted to a guy that she works with and did not tell me that anything was wrong with us untill the end of september.she told me that it was because she was so overwelmed by having to care for my mother.i am devastated and no longer want to live.i love my wife with my whole being and she has just turned the switch off.i now can not function,my work is effected which i am now afaide i am going to lose my job,i am still in the home as of this time but i know i have to find a place for my mom and myself.all i keep thing is to drive off somewhere and just end it all.i have no one to talk to i am a wreck.

Let me start by saying, You made it 25 years in a marriage, I'm sure there shouldn't be anything you and your wife
should not be able to overcome.But like in all relationships/marriages there are always issues/problems that upraise..
You stated bringing your mother into your house has cause marriage problems, Maybe because all the attention has been heading towards
your mother? I do understand she has alot of health issues but you also have a family you have to attend to. Your wife telling you she
felt attracted to another man was maybe a sign for you to realize that she feels she has lost her appreciation. Because think about it..
why would she tell you this? when she could have clearly got away with having an affair at her work place. She's just showing you the signs
of the feelings she felt are not there anymore. Again I will say I know your mother needs to be taken care of but there are many alternatives
to helping your mother Like as in getting a home attendant for her, they're free well basically insurance covers them especially at her age.
She would qualified no matter the circumstances. As for your wife, I don't think she has turn any switch off..I mean she still with you isn't she?
How about talking to your wife about some changes you both can come to an agreement on? I think that would be a good start.
Some changes can be good for the best as long as it starts with you. Show her how much you love her & how much your family means to you.
These are just some thoughts & advice I think would work. All though I am half your age and not married. I wish you the best of luck.
Please respond back with a little more details on what the outcome can or would be. Would appreciate an update.

thank you for replying new yourk city.i tell her how much i love her all the time.like i said i have always been here for her.as for her telling meabout this,it was only after i found a call on our cell phone bill and i asked her about it.and she lied to me about it.i then looked up the number and found it was a cell number with no info on it.i asked her about it again,again she told me she dident know the number.the call was 15min long.she kept saying she dident know.i then spent money and had the number traced and got a name for it.i then asked her again.that is when she finely coped to it.she tells me that it was only a one sided attraction on her part.but like i told her the call was a incomming call not out going,that means she had to give this guy her number.then she started bring up her own reasoning for it,bring up things that happend over 20 years ago with her and my mom....she would do this every time we had a disagreement.i asked her why she could not let that stuff go that happend so long ago,but it is like she uses it like a trump card.i have done everything for this woman.i would cut off one of my arms for her.she says she knows that,but still being lied to,is being lied to.i dont know what to do,i feel so sick inside.we have grandkids and this is not going to be good for anyone of us.i am a type of person that has always put her needs ahead of mine,and now i feel so betraided(sorry for the spelling,i have never been very good at that).i have told her if she leves me i have no reason to stay on this earth.i know that would not be fair th my mom the grandkids or to my wife.but i can not make it out here on my own,and this scares me because i am the type of guy that if i say i am going to do something i always follow through with it.......i love this woman and i dont know what to do

Ok now I understand she did not actually admit it, I see you had to do some investigating of your own.
What it seems like is she's using reverse psychology to convince herself that she has a reason to be unfaithful
in order to stand up to you. If you ask me, I would say she's pretty weak. You seem like a nice guy from what
I'm reading. But I think she's taking your kindness for weakness.
Try to reach things with a little more dominant approach to show her you exist.
You guys have been together for so long, So think about it from her point of view...
Can she really be with out you as well?
can she really start from scratch also?
I really don't think so. I think you have to do some enforcing and "show" her the repercussions of her acts.
Not saying to beat her. More like show her financially & mentally. You should figure that one out yourself.
You both have to talk it's really the only way to resolve this issue.
Both need to come to agreements to find solutions that strengthen and complement the marriage.
It basically comes down to... can she really be with out you?

well all i know is that she has mad me to feel like a huge loser...and it makes me think why should i contune to go to this crap hole of a job where i get no respect just to bring home my paycheck to pay the bills,so she can have a nice life and crap all over me.i just as soon cut my throath...

Go see a therapist and talk about it before doing what you are thinking about.

Feeling and being are two major different things. And about continuing..how about your kids, grandkids, your mother?
Isn't that way more than enough to know you are valued and loved? Why base everything around your wife if you are
doing your best..She seems selfish for making you have these "feelings" which are totally mind based and not actual reality..
You can start by cutting off some of her necessities and make her realize she is dependent on you more than she thinks.
Maybe then her actions will change. Why cut your throat and leave everyone behind to suffer the dreadful guilty thought
that they weren't able to reach you (help wise). Life doesn't automatically end. You have a problem that can most definitely
be resolved with a person you have been with 25 years. You & her can fix this!

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(11-20-2011, 12:51 PM)kebralt Wrote: [ -> ]Go see a therapist and talk about it before doing what you are thinking about.

I'm sure he knows that already. He probably wants to hear the views of regular people on his issues other than paying someone to tell him what he already knows. ever think of that?

i do thank you for everything you are saying,and even tho i dont personaly know you i do understand what you are saying...i am just so very deeply hurt and want this to work out.i love this woman so very much.

No problem.
Hope You get better & everything works out for you & for your marriage sake.
Remain physically, mentally and emotionally strong.
Best of luck.

I know this hurts right now. Although I have never experienced this, I understand you. The best thing you can do is keep your head up, and keep going strong. You'll get through this.