DREAMFLY
When I closing my eyes,
It is time to dreamfly
It's about the feeling high.
There is no way to escape,
just to remembering my faith
My faith is to fly high,
to think and to be fully alive.
One must fight for the life,
It is time to dreamfly
It's about the feeling high.
Didn't want the same place,
Didn't want the same people
and do the same job,
I wanna interesting life
Suffering is the price of being alive.
Now it's time to dreamfly,
It's time to feeling high.
It's not bad at all just you're using It's 2 times in a row than after that Didin't two times in a row and many senteces are kinda used too many times. Anyways good job
Actually it is my first lyrics which come in my dream and i wrote it down in the morning.Thanks for the feedback.
It is fine, you write it in that way, so you want to make me read it, not stop and think it is boring. Great work ;)
(04-04-2011, 07:55 AM)Bananankage Wrote: [ -> ]It is fine, you write it in that way, so you want to make me read it, not stop and think it is boring. Great work ;)
Got it...
It's decent but not the best. I would rate your poem 7/10 but keep working and you will get much better!
(04-05-2011, 08:16 AM)Delicious Wrote: [ -> ]It's decent but not the best. I would rate your poem 7/10 but keep working and you will get much better!
That's my first time written in my life and i got 7/10 wow
.
Really thanks for the feedback.
(04-05-2011, 08:43 AM)Colonel Wrote: [ -> ]That's my first time written in my life and i got 7/10 wow .
Really thanks for the feedback.
You're welcome man, if you ever write something new don't be scared to send me a PM with your poem so I can review it and tell you what you think.
I'm not really into poems and stuff, but if I was, I would say this is good.
Sounds great OP, make some more and sell it to Hallmark for cards.