Alright so after reading everything I don't think you really miss "him". I think you miss a relationship as stated before. The reason being is that you said
"I miss him most when I wake up and realize that he didn't cuddle or kiss me last night or as I wake up."
You are alone, a lot of people are. The quicker you accept that you aren't with him and shouldn't be the better. If you continue to stress about him moving on will be a b****. You said this is your first boyfriend? You need to mature and realize that a man that is willing to make you cry isn't worth your tears in the first place.
When asking for advice about these things you already know what you should do. You just don't want to do it. You already know you have that this shouldn't continue, that the relationship is over and it should be. I know you know this.
Yeah I do know all of this, you are right paradox. I do know it's better. I just have my moments y'know. I come here when I'm feeling that way. Other than that, I'm feeling fine. Just not used to feeling good (God that sounds bad.) I can feel great WITHOUT him. I feel like a load is off my shoulders!
It's weird knowing that I am fine and just living life. I'm guess I'm shocked with myself and how much I changed. I changed a lot. Idk. I wanted to just know that I am going through normal stages... I don't know anyone that had a mutual breakup and I needed to know.
So I guess I really am okay.
Hmm. Maybe this is just because I'm a die-hard hopeless romantic,
but I honestly believe that if there's some way you can figure out the root of the problem
the very core of the issue maybe you can fix the relationship.
I honestly think that he may just not know how to handle himself in a relationship,
from the sounds of things he just isn't used to such things.
The problem with giving advice on these things, and taking advice from other people is;
The people who *give* said advice don't know the guy personally.
Maybe that's just one of his ghosts or issues he needs to traverse.
I'm not saying he's in the right, at all. There's no justification for verbal/emotional abuse,
but I do believe that there might be an underlying reason he does. He may not even
realize why he does himself.
That being said, there's not much you can actually do to stop thinking about him, sadly enough.
I have ex's from ages ago that I still think about today, and I still get heart ache over them.
Not trying to be a downer, but that's just how love is. As painful a thing as beautiful.
I'm not saying try any of this, I guess I'm just trying to objectively clarify some of the issues I read.
Oh yes, there is certainly a reason for the way he acts. Always is a reason. But I learned to not let that be the reason why I should stay. I can't stay for sympathy.
His dad talks to him the same way. He has had 3 different mothers. His birth mother abandoned him with his father. And his dad cheated on his last wife for the past 3 years. My ex never had a real mother in his life. My ex has had multiple relationships and he told me he hadn't told any girl he loved them in about 6 years. I was in the longest relationship he had and also the most intimate. He did things for me he never did for other women. I told him he should go get therapy for overcoming his past, but he is hell-bent on 'doing it myself.' I offered to call for him and this lasted for months where I tried for him. I hope he does get the help he needs.. I'm only glossing the surface, but he has not had an easy life.
I did what I could... but he needs to do it for himself. Now I can only move on. I don't see us together again because I don't think he will change. I can't keep doing what I was doing and I did a lot... I was more than patient with him. If he does change, I only hope for good things for him.