(01-11-2011, 04:27 PM)L3g1tWa5te Wrote: [ -> ]Guess what? Grow some balls and dump her this thread should be dead as a dinosaur. Perceived as a bad guy? He is saving his own ass! Punch him across the face like Muhammad Ali, then tell him to dump her.
Before you try to come of as a know-it-all, inform yourself properly. He's not going out with the 14 year old, he's going out with the 20 year old that he wants to break up with. The 14 year old is just coming onto him.
Considering you said;
Quote:Grow some balls and dump her this thread should be dead as a dinosaur. Perceived as a bad guy? He is saving his own ass!
I'm assuming you thought he would be saving himself from pedophilia charged if he broke up with his girlfriend. No.
Learn to fill yourself in properly before you use such a tone.
coming onto him is different than freakin him
(01-10-2011, 08:22 PM)Mr. President Wrote: [ -> ]I would say try and fudge her one last time she say no break up with her.
I can tell you wouldn't be that great of a BF.
This is an update to the situation.
My friend's dad and his girlfriend found out that he was sleeping with her daughter and they both kicked him out of the house. He's planning on living with his older sister and her boyfriend about an hour away from where we live now. His mom and her boyfriend as well as my best friend, also his, both offered him to stay with them but he doesn't want to for some reason. The dad is in the process of having a house built about an hour away but in the different direction. They were going to all move into the house together once it's done (my friend, his dad, the dad's girlfriend and all three of her children) but now the dad doesn't want him living with him anymore, not to mention, the father broke up with his girlfriend because of all this. His dad is still sticking around at the girlfriend's house so that she doesn't lose it and call the cops or something worse. She's going to file charges on him because he's 21 and her daughter is 13. He's going to need to sell his car to pay for a high-end lawyer. His life is really upside down now and he's depressed. His only option when in court is to plead not guilty and say that he didn't sleep with the girlfriend's kid. If not, he might go to jail.
I'd like to be there for him but it's just an awkward moment right now. Sure we all make mistakes in our lives and some have bigger repercussions than others but I don't understand how he could not have the head on his shoulders to say no to this little girl just because she used to come in his bed every morning and give him kisses. He's certainly going to be held accountable for his actions but I just hate to see him in such a position. He really f*cked up.
The dad's girlfriend had gone out with another man with a seventeen-year-old kid and apparently her daughter did the same thing with him. My best friend (not the one in trouble) thinks that the girlfriend is a gold-digger. She's a barmaid but has quite a bit of money so he's really leaning towards that idea.
In a sense, I'm glad that everyone knows because I'm not sure how much longer I would have been able to keep this a secret.
I can't fall back asleep. I woke up about an hour ago from a bad dream and can't get it out from the back of my mind. I had a dream that my friend killed himself because of the situation he's in and then I woke up crying. I've been bawling my eyes out for the past 45 minutes and I can't go bad to bed without bursting into tears ago whenever I think about him.
I'm one of those people that rarely cries, if ever. In a weird way, it feels good to cry. I haven't cried in a long time and never do. I think the reason I'm such a mess is because of the following. In case I didn't mention it in the OP, my friend had not told anyone but me about having slept with the girl and he told me not to tell anyone. This was in December. Up until a few days ago when the crap hit the fan, I was the only one that knew. My other friend told me yesterday that if he would have known, he would have made a difference and really got in face about how wrong what he was doing is. It kind of makes me feel like this is my fault. I knew and didn't do anything to prevent the situation from getting worse. That's why I think I'm crying so much. I mean I haven't even known the kid that is in trouble for a year yet and I'm sobbing over him yet I'm the kind of person that didn't shed a single tear for my uncle's passing. It doesn't make any sense.
Anyways, I'm stuck here at 6:19 AM and can't fall asleep without crying again. I'm not worried about going back to bed as much as I'd like to figure this whole psychological think out. This is a first for me. I NEVER ever cry.
Solidify,
WOW! What a burden you have been carrying around with you. There is obviously alot of emotions flying around and first I have to say that it is just natural for you to cry. Nothing wrong with it and it is actually a good thing. You obviously have been building this up for awhile and this last outburst of stress has obviously burst the bubble for you. You seem to be have been a very good friend to someone who has not been following his main head on his shoulders. If you are concerned about your firends mental wellfare and think he is suicidal in anyway, i would strongly recommend that you go with him to the doctors for a check up or call someone to help your friend through this. It appears to me that he is under a bit too much stress and has been making some bad decisions. To not break up with his girlfriends it because he has a relationship with her parents. Form what you wrote about your friend not wanting to give the parents the satisfaction of saying "told you so to their daughter"is your friends ego at play. Personally I am not impressed with your friends behaviour as he is not putting anyone infront of him apart from his own needs and ego. This is clear and there is no other way of looking at it. he is with a girl who boviously likes him and is a traditional girl (intimacy after marriage) and your friends hormones were so uncontrollable that he could not help himself but to sleep with his step-sister. Your friend is 20years and should know that this is wrong. The minute the child walked into the room and is exploring her own sexuality, your friend should have told her to leave in a stern voice and tell the folks. I won't go down the path of what should have or could have been scenario, but i like to give a perspective of how it could have been to show the state of maturity your friend has been and is displaying. I know you guys are mates and that is all good. i am sure he is fun to hang out with. But form what you have told me, i cannot help thinking that this man is incredibly selfish and thoughtless. He cannot think he knows what is right with his girlfriend and not with the young kid, this does not makke sense. It is wrong to stay with someone he is not attracted to anymore. If he really cares for her (which I do not believe that he does to be honest) then he will end it by saying that he slept with someone else and that breaks the trust in a relationship. He needs to be honest here so that this girl does not think she done something wrong as there is nothing wrong in waiting until after marriage. I am disgusted by your friends actions and also concerned for him. every action has a consequence and surely he knew what the consequences would be to sleep with his step-sister. Not only has he turned his life upside down, but also his fathers. This is very sad and unfair, and all to fulfil a sexual desire. Was a bad decision and not worth it. If he has learnt anything form this mistake, he will be straight with the girl asap, to not bring her into any crap that may occur from this actions, especially if there are any legal implications. This is my view and I apologise if it appears harsh or too direct. but no-one can think for your friend and there is a chance that he will be depressed, which is why i urge you to seek expert advise form where you are living now. You too Solidify can learn from now acting sooner. Not to say you could have prevented this as it must have come as a shock to you too and from what i read, it sounds as though you and the other mates tried to tell him to stop and break it off with the gf. But to not ruin any more lives, assess the situation objectively (dreams have a funny way of allerting us to what can be and inner most fears) and calm your own nerves down by paying attention to any mood swings, and other depressive beh. Call a doctor immediately. This is one advice I give strictly. Best of luck to you both.
Wow, that is a lot of info to take in at once (since I just caught up to the thread).
What's the situation with his girlfriend? Has he done anything with her, like broken up with her? I don't think you mentioned any updates on it :/ If he hasn't broken up with her, he needs to. It's kind of hard to miss the fact that he got kicked out and she will not appreciate the reason why. It's not fun to be cheated on, even if it was the "straw that broke the camel's back" sort of thing.
As for the step-sister, she's not a gold digger. She's on her way to being a sexual predator. If she knows anything about the age of consent then she would know that what she's doing will get older men like that in trouble. If she's really that aggressive in seducing men, then that's something that her family needs to settle. She needs to see someone like a therapist or counselor or something. If left on her own, she could target more people in an even more dangerous way.
And as for your friend...how is he doing now? This is going to be a hard time for him, so if you're constantly there and can stand it, he will need support to keep going. If he is depressed a lot or is somewhat suicidal, don't stand around. Try to help him or get him help. If he's dragged through court, this will be a major test on his mental health.
Keep us all updated. Good luck <3
Quote:This is my view and I apologise if it appears harsh or too direct.
Not at all. I would tell him myself but I just don’t have the heart given the situation he’s in right now. I don’t want to push him over the edge.
Quote:What's the situation with his girlfriend?
Sorry about that. I don't know what I've updated and what I haven't so if there's anything else you need to know, ask me. And yes, he broke up with her about a month or two ago.
Quote:She's on her way to being a sexual predator.
Maybe so but my other friend had a discussion with my friend that is in trouble's step-father and this is what he told him. He told him that if it would have been any other kid, he would have went to get him himself, grabbed him by the ear and brought him to the cops himself. He was explaining 'I don't care if she throws herself on you and chains you to the bed. You're the older one in this situation. You need to be responsible. If needed, you grab her and throw her off you and tell her parents. She may have been the one that was forward and instigated the sex but he was the one that needed to put a foot down to it but he didn't.'
Quote:And as for your friend...how is he doing now?
I had an argument and he was upset with me the last time I hung out with him so I haven't heard from him directly. I've heard all of this through my other friends. And I can't call him because his dad's girlfriend ceased his phone for evidence in court that he and her daughter were communicating back and forth via text messages. They would text each other stuff like I love you and what not.
To make matters worse, my best friend spoke to him recently after this all went down and asked him if he would continue to sleep/see her if they hadn't been caught and he said 'Yes, I love her". I was freaking out. He needs to get his head straight before he digs himself deeper.
Ohholycrap. I'm all for "love conquers all" but he needs to be thinking of legal consequences. If he had waited for her to be of legal age then it wouldn't be so bad - there's plenty of married couples with a 10+ year difference between them. I think he's just obsessed right now. A sexless relationship with his ex and now there's a girl willing to have sex with him however and whenever, yeah it's easy to get obsessed and it's clear that his head isn't right. He may need th is trip to court to get his head straight. I do agree with what the step father said, he should have thrown her out. If he was that desperate for some kind of sexual activity though...the chances of that happening would have been slim :/
Are you going to try to find another way to get in touch with him? Like facebook or meeting in person or something?
Wait, you said she was 14 at first, then you say she's 13?(in 2nd paragraph)