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Help! You are subscribed to this thread Feeling insecure and scared...
#1
Hello everyone!
Here I am again with the same kind of issue.

At this point I am feeling insecure and scared about my relationship.
I have a perfect relationship. We love each other, we have a lot of fun together, sex is great and we just decided to move together - everything is truly perfect. I have no doubts about my feelings and no doubts about her feelings either. However...

I am always scared that she will be bored of doing things only the two of us or that she will stop loving me at any moment. She didn't change since day 1, she really loves me, I know that but I can't help to have this kind of feelings.

I am also a bit jealous about her friends. For instance, in New Years Eve she will be with them, on a trip and she didn't invite me (it's the second year they are together) and when I'm calm I understand that they have this closed group (which I know quite well) and they do this kind of things together. I know they are her family, they are reaaaally close to each other but I can't help feeling like that and it sucks!

I don't tell her any of this, of course, because I understand it's my own issue and she doesn't have any "inappropriate" behavior, I don't have any reasons to feel this way...
Can you help me? Is this self-esteem related?

I remember last New Years Eve they were together and she posted on FB a message like "The sun is shinning, my friends are here and the coffee is hot. What can I ask for more? Happy New Year!", can you imagine how I felt? Huh

Hey guys, please give me some tips. It sucks to feel this way...
Thank you a lot!
Have a nice day everyone.
Ana
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#2
Hello.

I want you to know i am not a professional in any way and what i say is just my opinions and personal experiences. I’ve had times in the past where i’ve experienced something similar. Where even if you feel secure and confident in your partner, you are afraid it might end. What it did to me was making me confused a lot of the time and it damaged my self confidence. I felt myself become unhappy when my partner wasn’t around and i think she sensed it and it brought her a great deal of distress and after a while she decided to end it, because she couldn’t handle, that i always seemed happy with her, and unhappy without her.

I want you to know that today I am doing fine, we’re friends and I have dealt with my issues.
But If i have to say what i could have done to maintain the relationship back then it was probably to let her see my unhappiness and insecurities.

It sounds as if the two of you have a very strong relationship, that has been going for some time. And I would imagine that it is strong enough that your issues should also be your partners. I would, in your position, open up and try to explain my feelings and respect her opinions.

If she needs to have her own friends i would think that is respectable, as you are two independent beings, and you should be able to respect your differences as well as similarities.

Now you write “ they are reaaaally close to each other” And i do not know what you but such strong emphasis on really. Whether it means they are BFF’s or familly or you are afraid of being cheated on.
You go on to say “she doesn't have any "inappropriate" behavior” Which i am again not sure what means. whether it means you are certain of your partner's faithfulness or that she doesn’t smoke or drink. Either way if you suspect her of cheating try when you feel “calm” to think hard about your feelings on that matter, it is not something you should confront a partner with unless you have a substantial idea about it.

Now i don’t know if you are suffering from low-self esteem or another related problem. But don’t be too hung up on a FB message, she probably just very happy at that moment, and she should be allowed to be happy even when you are not around, as you should be happy even when she is not around, even if you do miss each other.

It does suck to feel scared and insecure, but I believe that the way to deal with them is not to shun it, accept your insecurities and work on them. Talk with a good friend, use forums (as this one) think about your emotions, writing your thought on a blank piece of paper and then reading it can be surprisingly helpful way to deal with your own thoughts. Life isn’t always sun and joy sometimes we have bad days or bad times and they are equally as real a part of you as the rest, respect it try and figure out why it’s there and how to deal with it. If it persists you might need the help of a trained professional
Now i don’t know if anything i said is helpful or useful, but i hope it was. If nothing else know I will send you my good thoughts. And congratulations on moving in with the person you love
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#3
Hi Ana,

I'm sorry that you are having these feelings of insecurity in your relationship. There's definitely nothing wrong with you for feeling this way; I think no matter how strong a relationship is, sometimes we can have doubts and anxieties about them. It sounds like you do have a strong and healthy relationship with this person, which majorly helps!

Is this insecurity something you've dealt with in past relationships, with friends, family members, etc.? Do you have a history of people leaving you in the past? If so, that's important to think about so you can unpack and deal with that baggage and emotional history. 

Have you spoken to your partner about these feelings at all? I think although as you put it, it's "your issue," its affecting your relationship and is important to talk about with your partner.  Perhaps starting off with the fact that their behavior is not the cause of your feelings and making sure that they know that you aren't blaming them is important. But being able to talk about how your feeling with them is important because they are your partner and want to help you deal with the emotional issues in your life! A good and loving partner wants to provide kindness, reassurance, and emotional support for you when you are suffering from these feelings. By the sounds of your relationship, your girlfriend would want to be able to do that for you. 

As for her close friendships, obviously it's good for partners to spend time away from each other and in positive and strong relationships with others. Have you thought about planning an event with your partner and her friends for big occasions like NYE? We're all going to need those friend weekends to get away from our partner sometimes, but I'm sure if an occasion like New Years was important for you to spend with your partner, she would be excited that you planned something for all of the people she loves in her life Smile

I hope this was somewhat helpful. Good luck! Victoire
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