Life is still fudge*d up...

[Gerira]

Well, I don't know where to start... Whole my life I've been bullied and teased, so no wonder I'm now fudge*d up as I am. I'm crosseyed, thin, small, bullied everyday, laughed at and I lost every right that a normal person has. People threaten me most of the time, they doesn't hesitate to kick me, I just can't stand up for myself. I feel like I lost the basic human rights in society, This all resulted in my drinking problem. Most of the time, when I go out, I get wasted, just to forgot all the crap I went through. Hell, I'm writing this drunk as well. I just want to live a normal life, I want to have friends, a girlfriend and I just want some respect. But I get none of that. I think that I'm just some clown or something in this world, made for amusement for other people. I'd like to be the person that can stand up or itself, that can run a normal life. All my life I've been living in a dysfunctional family. Love never done well to me. Most of the times I've been called ugly or got rejected in a "nice way" by girls. It just sucks to know that you're less worthy than other people and that you can't be in a relationship. I'm almost 19 and I have never even kissed a girl, so that explains it all to you. I'd just like to kill myself, but my family can't afford a funeral, so that's on hold for now. I feel like there's nothing for me to live for. I like this girl, but I'm too scared to even contact her, so that's out of option... I love her so much but too bad she'll never find out. Please tell me, what to do, how to make my life better and how to get some respect?

[///ViNcE]

Well, the first part is love, sounds like you never been in a relationship??? You can't exactly love a girl till you go through with realizing a lot of factors, spending some time with them. As a start, get your life on track, look into actually quitting drinking & finding out how you could earn respect. Find your true interests in life & start from there. Once you find your interests, you'll be able to figure everything out. With the family, maybe there might be a chance to get everything a little more straight right there but also look into talking with everyone & making friends. All the people, look who you can start trusting & if you can't trust anyone, don't trust anyone, one of the things you can look into doing is figuring out how to sort out your relationships with everyone.

[iRtehLeet]

Do you have a fear of confrontation from past experience(s)?

[Grin]

You are planning suicide...

You're family doesn't have money for a funeral...

You don't want to kill yourself.

That's not the way it works bud.

I'm not telling you to kill yourself. However, I think yor family and you should have a talk about your situation.
Let them know exactly how you feel...

Not drunk ofc...

But suicide is the pussy way out. There are many other alternatives.
Don't turn yourback on your future

[wounded]

Ok , I can sympathise with you. Firstly I feel that you have not spoken to anyone in a professional field about this who may have some advice on your situation. It's very easy for someone to say oh stop pussying out, when they haven't a clue what it is like to be you. The fact that you have cross eyes seem to be the reason you have been bullied. Tell them f off. You are still very young, have your whole life ahead of you, plus you type well drunk!
Nothing wrong with getting wasted as long as it doen't overtake other areas in your life. People won't like me saying that but go to any club at the weekend and watch others. Loads go out and get wasted. Don't feel bad about kissing someone, but if you are trying then try and be sober cos as a woman, I hate drunk guys slobbering on me, just saying.
Like have one or two for dutch courage and go for it. Loads of girls out there might be glad to kiss you. Try not to bulid it up to be so important, cos women smell desperation.

[Paramore]

Well, I don't know where to start... Whole my life I've been bullied and teased, so no wonder I'm now fudge*d up as I am. I'm crosseyed, thin, small, bullied everyday, laughed at and I lost every right that a normal person has.

Mate, forget them! We're here for you and I promise we'll get you through this! I'm a little like you in a way. You know another great person who was like you? Marshall Mathers III, Yeah that's right! Eminem was like you. But look at where he is today! He got through the same problems you're dealing with now and he inspires millions maybe even billions of people with his life and music, he's rich and has a lot of respect. This was Eminem in high school.

He is a legend, people respect him just because he made it through what you did. Guess what? I respect you. I respect what you have to go through. I also had to go through that and it's not nice. But it makes you so much stronger.

This all resulted in my drinking problem. Most of the time, when I go out, I get wasted, just to forgot all the crap I went through. Hell, I'm writing this drunk as well. I just want to live a normal life, I want to have friends, a girlfriend and I just want some respect.

Eminem was just like you, all he wanted was a tiny ounce of respect. You will get through it, when you do people will respect you, you will be much stronger than everyone else also.

I think that I'm just some clown or something in this world, made for amusement for other people.

You're not, I have so much respect for you and you don't even know it! You're amazing mate, what you have to go through it should never happen to anyone but it does. You can't do anything but never let anyone change who you are, always be yourself and you will get respect, so much respect. Just know that all those people that hate/laugh at you, they're horrible people and when they grow older they will regret everything they have done just to look 'cool' or fit into a group. They have NO individuality but guess what? You do! You're great.

Most of the times I've been called ugly or got rejected in a "nice way" by girls. It just sucks to know that you're less worthy than other people and that you can't be in a relationship.

It's a good thing you're not in a relationship with those girls. They probably just are following the group and also have no individuality, you do not want to be with someone like that, they have no personality. Trust me. - You'll find someone who is just like you with a colorful personality and strong willpower, It takes time. BE YOURSELF.

I'm almost 19 and I have never even kissed a girl, so that explains it all to you. I'd just like to kill myself, but my family can't afford a funeral, so that's on hold for now.

You don't need to kiss a girl, you are amazing mate. I've kissed one of those girls with no individuality and it's REALLY not special. In-fact I regret it. You're lucky you haven't made the mistake! Don't kill yourself dude. You're really something. All you have to do is write a book or a song or something, keep a journal and display all your thoughts and everything that's happened to you. Then maybe you can publish it for the whole world to see? Who knows? But there are others like you and you guys are truly amazing.

I like this girl, but I'm too scared to even contact her, so that's out of option... I love her so much but too bad she'll never find out. Please tell me, what to do, how to make my life better and how to get some respect?

You have all the respect you'll ever need from me, I respect you more than anything mate believe me. What you feel is not really love it's just a need to connect with somebody OR SOMETHING, trust me I've felt it. It burns inside you until you satisfy your need but don't do it, save yourself for somebody worth it. If you really like her that much ask her, explain how much you like her and how the need to be with her is like a fire slowly consuming you from the insides. If she doesn't respect that or you when you tell her then she doesn't deserve anybody, not even you! YOU'RE A CHAMP! You have ALL the respect I can give!
If you EVER need ANYONE to talk to come to me first! PM me or I have MSN if you'd like to talk on there? Good-Luck! I believe in you mate!