The Angel Of Death [Victim]

[Winter™]

Do you hear my screams
This scream of pure horror?
My breath grows dreary and my voice is no longer agleam
My days grow weaker and my mind goes away, like an explorer.

I see your many eyes
They are pure evil, nothing more.
I shall never look into your eyes, at least I will try
How must you get behind a closed door?

Your dark clouds never touch thy ground
Your voice has not spoken or made a sound
Your robe is dark as the midnight sky
Your coming for me, I am about to die

I lay awake in this very hospice
I shall die in a way of astonish
Can you see my soul evil one?
I don't mind, soon I will be shun.

Angel Of Death,
Leave me be
You have done more deceit, more than anything so let me be a free.
Choose wisely Angel of Death.

Poem 2 of Victim:

Broken bones, tears of thy shear pain, the things never shown
These bones you see, are nothing but bone, not nearly as strong as stone
This very day Angel of Death
Don't show your very breath

This game you see
What a dangerous game, a game of truth and lie, can't you leave me be?
Open these lies, in this very grave book
I'm a sadistic, angry, young crook.

Taught to refrain
Time to take a train
Through the rain
Past the growing grain

I am far from insane
Just a strange and broken mane
Looking for that train.
I was taught to refrain

The man in black robes, with his shimmery grey scythe
Mr. Angel of Death
Don't show me your breath
I must not die in this very train.

Which one is better, and how can I improve?

[Alreiger]

I was singing along to this and then I realized that it stayed on the same path constantly, you tried to keep them rhyming, but never tried to separate them for short periods, it kept the sound very bland. But I'm not sure if this is just because of the way I sung it.