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So Here's My Story - Summed up in one post
#1
Okay, for starters I guess I should give a little background about myself to be better understood

1. My name is Michael, I'm a 15yr old guy, just finished my freshman year
2. I realize I'm at "that age" where everything is complicated
3. I'm not here for sympathy. I just need to empty my mind of the thoughts that have filled my head these past few days
4. I'm book smart and I'm pretty sociable, not popular by any means but i make friends easily and i fit in.

Okay, now that that's out of the way basically I'm here because I've come across a bump in the road in regards to my life. Basically I'm having conflicting thoughts about a girl i met about 3 weeks ago. She's cute, she has a great personality, she seems to be interested in me....but...she seems to be stuck on a guy she met last year. She claims she hates him and just wants him to leave her alone. You may be thinking this doesn't seem like much of a problem at all. Well it isn't but it kind of makes my situation even worse.

My problems arose a few days ago, while browsing the web. I was using Stumbleupon.com out of sheer boredom and came across a tragic story a guy posted in comic form (sort of)...believe it or not this was on a site apparently serving the purpose of getting a few laughs.

the story is basically about a boy who is abused as a child, has trouble making friends, falls in love, and then his love dies in a car accident...

Well you're probably thinking i have something seriously wrong with me or that this is a joke. Well the guy in the story's name is Mike. Okay, big deal, one coincidence right? Well the girl's name was also revealed. I feel for privacy reasons it was right to exclude that part. Anyway the girl's name was the same as my first "crush"
which to you guys probably means nothing. But this "crush" was a girl i hadn't thought about in nearly 2 years.

When i met this girl, i was 12 years old (that age where u start to like girls...but its at the point where you don't really want to admit it...oh what i would do to be 12 again...) Anyways, this girl was the first girl that ever really stuck out to me. She was different from other girls...For starters, she played baseball in a guys league...which i found pretty awesome. She was on my team on my first year at a new park in little league baseball (which is how we met.) This was an 11-12 year old league...ya know...immature and girls were just now starting to "attract guys attention." So i just tried convincing myself she was just like the rest of the guys. We sat next to eachother in the dugout, we talked every once in a while, but once again it was one of those things, 12 year old boys don't want to admit they have a "crush." So anyways, we didn't really bond all that much but i knew i liked her (no matter how much i denied it.) The year finished up, as did our team (with a horrendous record if i remember correctly, 3-13)

So i spent the summer, fall, and winter maturing and growing on the fact that it was normal to like girls. When the baseball season rolled along again, i was in the 13-14 yr old league now, and figured, okay now i have to doubt that shes still gonna play at this age. At my team's first practice she wasn't there, but toward the end she showed up and i was ecstatic.

This time we were 2 of only 5 13 yr olds out of 16 kids on the team so we tended to talk more among ourselves. My two friends were sort of jerks to her and weren't fond of the idea of a girl being on their team i guess. (she was over matched at that age) I always tried to be polite and friendly, but was still reluctant to show that i liked her, even as a friend i guess.

The year moved along pretty quickly and i began to really realize i cared a lot for her. We started talking a lot, we were always next to each other in the dugout, we had chemistry. The year flew by like no time at all. Our team was significantly better than the previous year and we won our park's top seed to play in our championship game. I planned on making sure we kept in touch over the summer, but my one friend convinced me that it would be a good idea to fess up and tell her i liked her. Well i told myself i couldn't do it before the game because of the distraction it would cause so i didn't. the game went by rather quickly and we were getting slaughtered (this wasn't how i planned on it going, i figured a good game would lighten the mood.) well we lost and afterwards the teams were given their medals and all that b.s. and we took pictures with our coaches and stuff.

So after everything died down and everything was over with, i told myself it was a good time to make a move. i found her within a few minutes of sorting through the crowd only to find her with her older brother and his girlfriend...neither of whom i had met. So i basically skipped out on my opportunity and i haven't seen her since then. I told myself there was a chance i got lucky again and we ended up playing together...which didn't happen, she didn't play the next year. We never stayed in touch, i didn't have a phone at the time, we never talked through facebook or anything. She eventually found a boyfriend and we parted ways, never to speak again.

Finally i get to my problem.

After that day, i began to feel a burning hatred, not toward the girl, not toward anyone, but toward myself. I was angry that i bailed on my chance to let her know how i feel. I just wanted a chance for redemption and i was never granted the chance. I realized i took my chances for granted and i messed up. I know it doesn't matter much anymore and it won't change anything, but i just wanted the chance to let this girl know how i felt. It didn't make any sense to bother confessing anymore, so I moved on eventually, or so i had thought.

For some reason, this story i had read struck something in me and i have been thinking about this girl for the first time in two years ever since. Not to mention this new girl i met is also causing a bit of drama and stress whether she knows it or not. So basically, that's my story, summed up in one very long post.

No sympathy please, just maybe a suggestion as to why this struck me, why all of the sudden i'm infatuated by this girl i haven't seen in two years and had seemingly forgotten, why it just feels wrong to even be talking to this other girl now...I'm just at a loss.

~Michael
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#2
I think that you're too young to have a girlfriend. I't wont work out and you will just have heart ache for no reason.
[Image: iGvZI.png]
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#3
(06-17-2011, 01:06 AM)101 Wrote: I think that you're too young to have a girlfriend. I't wont work out and you will just have heart ache for no reason.

Well...15 never really seemed too young for me. i mean honestly my mentality was always i'm going to experience heartache anyways, might as well get it out of the way early, but u could be right.
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#4
Mate she will be in your mind as long as you want,its not love,its not a simple crush,its just some memory you keep in your mind like the first time you learned to ride the bike,cuz you like the memory and then again boys are boys some soft and overthink things but that's just who you are,regrets will always be there man its up to you how important they get!
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#5
(06-17-2011, 01:06 AM)101 Wrote: I think that you're too young to have a girlfriend. I't wont work out and you will just have heart ache for no reason.
He's 15, that's not too young imo.
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#6
(06-17-2011, 06:58 AM)Ridik Wrote: Mate she will be in your mind as long as you want,its not love,its not a simple crush,its just some memory you keep in your mind like the first time you learned to ride the bike,cuz you like the memory and then again boys are boys some soft and overthink things but that's just who you are,regrets will always be there man its up to you how important they get!
Thanks a lot. I get what you're saying, and i know its all memories but it just makes things complicated. I don't understand why my mind chooses now to remember when i had finally supposedly moved on but i guess you're right. I have to control how much it influences my life and realize nothing's going to change unless i choose to change it. Once again thanks a lot Smile
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#7
This is simple. You still had feelings for her. You guys shared memories by talking with each other and playing with each other on the team. The reason why you're so fixed on the situation is because that you couldn't tell her your feelings in time. Because of this, you lost your chance to have her as a girlfriend, and you're angry at yourself because of that. You wanted her to be with you, but you just couldn't tell her so you missed the opprotunity.

You are now just mad at yourself because the girl that you liked will never now how you felt, and that emotion is still inside you. Your feelings will never come out of you and will be forever stuck in your body, because of that one chance. You're still mad, because you lost out on the chance. You're still mad, because of your mind thinking that it was going to be awkward with her brother and his girlfriend. You're still mad, because now she will never know how you actually felt about her, and your feelings will never be said.
HJT Team. Deltron <3 RDCA <3 Quintus <3
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#8
(06-19-2011, 03:05 PM)Brandenx781 Wrote: This is simple. You still had feelings for her. You guys shared memories by talking with each other and playing with each other on the team. The reason why you're so fixed on the situation is because that you couldn't tell her your feelings in time. Because of this, you lost your chance to have her as a girlfriend, and you're angry at yourself because of that. You wanted her to be with you, but you just couldn't tell her so you missed the opprotunity.

You are now just mad at yourself because the girl that you liked will never now how you felt, and that emotion is still inside you. Your feelings will never come out of you and will be forever stuck in your body, because of that one chance. You're still mad, because you lost out on the chance. You're still mad, because of your mind thinking that it was going to be awkward with her brother and his girlfriend. You're still mad, because now she will never know how you actually felt about her, and your feelings will never be said.

Yeah I know its just gonna sort of well up inside me until I will myself to move on, but honestly I think whatever struck me so strongly was just sort of a flash in the pan that caused temporary pain and remembering...I think its gonna continue doing that until I accept it and move on and I'll just have to deal with it as well as I can. Thanks and I appreciate all the feedback I've received from this.
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#9
I think when you’re young you should just do whatever you want in a situation like this.

In a few years you’ll most likely be looking back on the whole situation, and think... Wow, things really wern’t worth all that petty junk I went through.

One day, it will just hit you in the morning when you get out of bed, and you will realize.. Nothing just clicks. It catches up with you and hits you in the face!

T~
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#10
(06-19-2011, 09:46 PM)Teruko Wrote: I think when you’re young you should just do whatever you want in a situation like this.

In a few years you’ll most likely be looking back on the whole situation, and think... Wow, things really wern’t worth all that petty junk I went through.

One day, it will just hit you in the morning when you get out of bed, and you will realize.. Nothing just clicks. It catches up with you and hits you in the face!

T~

Lol thanks for the advice, I love the way you worded it btw and I think I just had too much emotion cooped up in me that has built up over the past few weeks and I think I just needed to vent
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