Life is still fudge*d up...

[Paramore]

Well, I don't know where to start... Whole my life I've been bullied and teased, so no wonder I'm now fudge*d up as I am. I'm crosseyed, thin, small, bullied everyday, laughed at and I lost every right that a normal person has.

Mate, forget them! We're here for you and I promise we'll get you through this! I'm a little like you in a way. You know another great person who was like you? Marshall Mathers III, Yeah that's right! Eminem was like you. But look at where he is today! He got through the same problems you're dealing with now and he inspires millions maybe even billions of people with his life and music, he's rich and has a lot of respect. This was Eminem in high school.

He is a legend, people respect him just because he made it through what you did. Guess what? I respect you. I respect what you have to go through. I also had to go through that and it's not nice. But it makes you so much stronger.

This all resulted in my drinking problem. Most of the time, when I go out, I get wasted, just to forgot all the crap I went through. Hell, I'm writing this drunk as well. I just want to live a normal life, I want to have friends, a girlfriend and I just want some respect.

Eminem was just like you, all he wanted was a tiny ounce of respect. You will get through it, when you do people will respect you, you will be much stronger than everyone else also.

I think that I'm just some clown or something in this world, made for amusement for other people.

You're not, I have so much respect for you and you don't even know it! You're amazing mate, what you have to go through it should never happen to anyone but it does. You can't do anything but never let anyone change who you are, always be yourself and you will get respect, so much respect. Just know that all those people that hate/laugh at you, they're horrible people and when they grow older they will regret everything they have done just to look 'cool' or fit into a group. They have NO individuality but guess what? You do! You're great.

Most of the times I've been called ugly or got rejected in a "nice way" by girls. It just sucks to know that you're less worthy than other people and that you can't be in a relationship.

It's a good thing you're not in a relationship with those girls. They probably just are following the group and also have no individuality, you do not want to be with someone like that, they have no personality. Trust me. - You'll find someone who is just like you with a colorful personality and strong willpower, It takes time. BE YOURSELF.

I'm almost 19 and I have never even kissed a girl, so that explains it all to you. I'd just like to kill myself, but my family can't afford a funeral, so that's on hold for now.

You don't need to kiss a girl, you are amazing mate. I've kissed one of those girls with no individuality and it's REALLY not special. In-fact I regret it. You're lucky you haven't made the mistake! Don't kill yourself dude. You're really something. All you have to do is write a book or a song or something, keep a journal and display all your thoughts and everything that's happened to you. Then maybe you can publish it for the whole world to see? Who knows? But there are others like you and you guys are truly amazing.

I like this girl, but I'm too scared to even contact her, so that's out of option... I love her so much but too bad she'll never find out. Please tell me, what to do, how to make my life better and how to get some respect?

You have all the respect you'll ever need from me, I respect you more than anything mate believe me. What you feel is not really love it's just a need to connect with somebody OR SOMETHING, trust me I've felt it. It burns inside you until you satisfy your need but don't do it, save yourself for somebody worth it. If you really like her that much ask her, explain how much you like her and how the need to be with her is like a fire slowly consuming you from the insides. If she doesn't respect that or you when you tell her then she doesn't deserve anybody, not even you! YOU'RE A CHAMP! You have ALL the respect I can give!
If you EVER need ANYONE to talk to come to me first! PM me or I have MSN if you'd like to talk on there? Good-Luck! I believe in you mate!