06-08-2011, 11:31 AM
When I was six I was abused by my cousin, he didn't rape me because he didn't take away my virginity, he just touched me and kissed me everywhere. Since then I'm conflicted with many feelings. At first I didn't understand why he did what he was doing, I was just six; when I was tweleve I realized what he had done to me. Immediately I felt guilty because at the time I didn't do anything to stop him and he did the same many times, by the way he was 16 so I saw him as a grown up and I trusted him. Now I regret it, I wish I could go back and stop him instead of staying still just wondering what was going on. When I told my parents they supported me, but lately when I talk about it whit my mom she tells me that I should forget it already and that it was normal that I guy of his age wanted to explore in that area, that I'm maybe making too much of a big deal out of it. I don't have a boyfriend, in fact I haven't been able to have any boyfriends because I feel awkward with guys around me, I can't help it. I don't hate my cousin and don't wish him any bad thing, but I don't I wanna see him, I know I wouldn't stand it. I feel guilty, alone and I'm wondering if my mom is right and I'm making a drama out something that is not that bad. I cry alone at night and can't help feel like I'm dirty or something.