Not Creative Writing, but need C&C / Proofread

[Astrael]

Wrote this essay as a college transfer essay. Need some C&C / feedback / someone to proof read. Thanks guys.

I do not know where to begin. These last two years have been quite a ride to say the least. I have been trying to work my way up a college chain in order to finally move away from home and get an education. I have been commuting to school and I must say that it feels very lacking in terms of fulfillment of the “college experience.”

Now, based off the preceding paragraph, one might be thinking: “Okay, but why Pitt?” Well, I’d be lying if I said Pitt was the only school I applied to. It would be foolish of me to put all my eggs in one basket, per say. However, Pitt is my first choice and if accepted I would, without a doubt, be going to Pitt. There is just something alluring about Pittsburgh, its essence, as a whole, is simply breathtaking. I have had a fascination with the city of Pittsburgh since I was young; always selecting their sports teams in sports videogames. I cannot explain why I feel this way, all I can say is that I am drawn to Pitt and would very much like to attend.

At this point I believe I should be addressing why I, despite my GPA, should be accepted. This is hard to explain in a matter that does not sound absolutely crazy. I suppose the easiest way would be to say that I am a risk taker. Time spent worrying about failure is time wasted. This is not to say that I will jump into any situation without fear of failure, but rather that if I have an idea that I believe is good then I will attempt to turn that idea into a plan, and hopefully implement that plan and turn it into something real.

I spend a lot of time reading and writing about personal development. In fact, I actually run a website devoted to helping people with various subjects, including personal development. Web Design is one of my various skills because when I have an idea there is usually a large amount of learning involved when trying to implement that idea. Some of the things I have learned, and some of the programs I have worked with involve: Programming languages C++, Java, Python, HTML, PHP, and Javascript. I have used the programs Photoshop, Corel, GIMP, Sony Vegas, Adobe After Effects, Blender, Cinema4D, as well as a variety of less popular products. I primarily focus on video editing and graphic design.

I suppose that I have rambled a bit, but I would not necessarily say that is a bad thing. Essentially what I would like to get across is that I do a lot of learning outside of the classroom. I have a weekly schedule where I go to the gym, and am working on building my self-discipline. I do not smoke or drink. I have done a lot of freelance graphic designing. I design, run, and maintain my own websites, some of which have generated over a thousand dollars in profit. I love Photoshop, and art in general, graphic design is one of my favorite hobbies. We are living in an era of technology, and I am very ‘tech savvy’ to say the least. People are only just now learning about the true potential of the internet in terms of marketing and monetizing, and I have been tapping into that resource for years now. I would really, truly, love to attend Pittsburgh for the remainder of my college career, and I hope that this essay has somewhat enlightened you to the person you may be accepting today.