03-09-2011, 02:05 PM
(This post was last modified: 03-09-2011, 02:18 PM by recovering_rachel.)
Hi- I'm new here. My story in short is that I dated my last boyfriend twice... and he is my first boyfriend. The first time we dated was six months and he dumped me for horrible reasons (said he regretted it and biggest mistake he ever made) and he stayed separated six months then dated again only a few weeks short of a year. We broke up Monday. We are both juniors in college.
I'm kind of confused by how I feel about our relationship ending again. I go from feeling relieved and missing him. It's only been two days and I feel completely different than what I did the first time we broke up. Our relationship had many issues and in some cases he was emotionally abusive towards me and had control issues. But I loved him... I don't know why I even stayed for so long.. I wanted it to work.
I found out as we were breaking up that he had intentionally started fights with me.. I was always led to believe that I always had the problem. When he told me this... I didn't realize it. I only realized it until the next day. He treated me terribly.. he never called nor texted. I had to invite him over and myself to his place. However, he was always there for me.. unless we had a fight. Then he'd tell me I was overreacting and not listen to me. It still makes me sad... and makes me tear up thinking about how I was treated.
But I miss him sometimes. I miss him most when I wake up and realize that he didn't cuddle or kiss me last night or as I wake up.
He had good traits, but they were always overshadowed by the bad. Towards the end, we fought about once a week. I wasn't happy most of the time. He just acted like he didn't know any better.. . but now after the fact, he did.
When we broke up, it wasn't pretty. He cried and when I said that he didn't care for me he said, "Don't you dare say that." And would cry harder. He said he loved me and he was sorry. He kept trying to hold me like his girlfriend and it only upset me further. I told him he can't hold me like that anymore. He said, "Do you think I like seeing that I hurt you like this?"
But all that is unimportant... I just am in this weird stage right now. I feel like crying.. but it doesn't come. I miss him and then I think about what happened and how I should have ended it long ago... everyone says I need to grieve but... I don't know if I'm even doing it.
He kept all my pictures on his facebook.. he won't take them off. I don't know why. I removed my pictures and eventually deactivated my facebook for the time being. When I'm ready I'll put it back up. I did the whole 'delete your ex' thing and I don't think its necessary this time around. I just need to get rid of it for me. Why does he keep our pictures?
And that's it. I have more to write but... I think I've written enough for now. Any advice would be helpful.
Also wanted to add.. that he did try hard for me... sometimes. I'm in this weird place where I know he tried but then he didn't try. It was on and off. He cared but sometimes I couldn't help but question it. He was good to me.. but then he was bad. After all of this, I don't know what he was to me. I don't know what to think...
I'm kind of confused by how I feel about our relationship ending again. I go from feeling relieved and missing him. It's only been two days and I feel completely different than what I did the first time we broke up. Our relationship had many issues and in some cases he was emotionally abusive towards me and had control issues. But I loved him... I don't know why I even stayed for so long.. I wanted it to work.
I found out as we were breaking up that he had intentionally started fights with me.. I was always led to believe that I always had the problem. When he told me this... I didn't realize it. I only realized it until the next day. He treated me terribly.. he never called nor texted. I had to invite him over and myself to his place. However, he was always there for me.. unless we had a fight. Then he'd tell me I was overreacting and not listen to me. It still makes me sad... and makes me tear up thinking about how I was treated.
But I miss him sometimes. I miss him most when I wake up and realize that he didn't cuddle or kiss me last night or as I wake up.
He had good traits, but they were always overshadowed by the bad. Towards the end, we fought about once a week. I wasn't happy most of the time. He just acted like he didn't know any better.. . but now after the fact, he did.
When we broke up, it wasn't pretty. He cried and when I said that he didn't care for me he said, "Don't you dare say that." And would cry harder. He said he loved me and he was sorry. He kept trying to hold me like his girlfriend and it only upset me further. I told him he can't hold me like that anymore. He said, "Do you think I like seeing that I hurt you like this?"
But all that is unimportant... I just am in this weird stage right now. I feel like crying.. but it doesn't come. I miss him and then I think about what happened and how I should have ended it long ago... everyone says I need to grieve but... I don't know if I'm even doing it.
He kept all my pictures on his facebook.. he won't take them off. I don't know why. I removed my pictures and eventually deactivated my facebook for the time being. When I'm ready I'll put it back up. I did the whole 'delete your ex' thing and I don't think its necessary this time around. I just need to get rid of it for me. Why does he keep our pictures?
And that's it. I have more to write but... I think I've written enough for now. Any advice would be helpful.
Also wanted to add.. that he did try hard for me... sometimes. I'm in this weird place where I know he tried but then he didn't try. It was on and off. He cared but sometimes I couldn't help but question it. He was good to me.. but then he was bad. After all of this, I don't know what he was to me. I don't know what to think...