01-07-2011, 07:17 PM
I'm only 12. I recently found out I had a mood disorder. Here's how it started:
Ever since I was little, people disliked me at school. At first for no reason, just because I wasn't pretty. Then I started to get annoying. november 2009 I moved, and everything fell apart. It's like I can't take change. No one liked me, everyone hated me. First it was like 3 people who hated me, and they were very popular and had a lot of friends. So then their friends started hating on me. It was now the whole 6th grade (this time 7th). People I didn't even know came up to me and stuck the middle finger up or cursed me. But I couldn't stand up for myself. I was to nice. Still to nice. At home, I felt like my family doesn't love me. We never go anywhere. They just hate on me. Soon I started thinking to hard and I got depressed and suicidal. I remember one person asked me "Are you bipolar?". I wouldn't show my sadness though. I couldn't control my moods. I thought it was normal. I really needed someone to talk to it about. But when I do that, i feel so much better that I start to annoy them. I started cutting myself and being suicidal. I have no friends. At school I'm always the lonely girl, with no one to talk to. Today at school, like 10 minutes before school started, the 7th graders wait in the park, and some girl I didn't even know said out loud "_________ SHOULDNT STAY OUTSIDE BECAUSE SHE HAS NO FRIENDS AND SHOULD GO INSIDE SO SHE'S SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE SO IT SEEMS LIKE SHE HAS FRIENDS." Which really pissed me off. But I couldn't say anything back. WHO THE fudge DID SHE THINK SHE WAS TO SAY THAT?!?! I even drank listerine before to try to kill myself, now I only get pains because of it. I feel like everyones watching me. I have no talents, besides hacking (if that counts). I'm in SP (for the smarter students) but when people find out, they're like "YOU'RE IN SP?!!?" Why would they think I'm stupid??? Soon someone told the guidance counselor about the cutting and suicidal issues. They made me get a phsychiatrical evaluation. It turns out I have a mood disorder. Probably bipolar. Which answers my questions such as why I can't sleep a lot of the time, why I can't think or control my thoughts sometimes, why I have trouble focusing and paying attention, and a lot of other things. My parents were mad at me for this. I just feel guilty for a lot of things and don't want to go on. I feel like im hopeless. I keep losing my trail of thought right now and my head hurts real bad. Sometimes I even hear my mom call my name. But it's rare. Like, I'm gonna be like this the rest of my life. If I die and be born again, I'll have a new and better life, and I'll have friends. My parents don't let me go places. They don't understand me. All my mom does all day is scream at me and tell me how she hates me. I cry everyday.
Can someone just please reassure me and tell me everything's going to be alright? Please tell me why I should live, I don't see any reason why. Because right now I just need to let it out and need someone who's caring, because no one cares. And strangers are better to get reassurance from then haters. And you probably know, it's 999999999999 times worse than it sounds. Especially since I have a mood disorder.
Ever since I was little, people disliked me at school. At first for no reason, just because I wasn't pretty. Then I started to get annoying. november 2009 I moved, and everything fell apart. It's like I can't take change. No one liked me, everyone hated me. First it was like 3 people who hated me, and they were very popular and had a lot of friends. So then their friends started hating on me. It was now the whole 6th grade (this time 7th). People I didn't even know came up to me and stuck the middle finger up or cursed me. But I couldn't stand up for myself. I was to nice. Still to nice. At home, I felt like my family doesn't love me. We never go anywhere. They just hate on me. Soon I started thinking to hard and I got depressed and suicidal. I remember one person asked me "Are you bipolar?". I wouldn't show my sadness though. I couldn't control my moods. I thought it was normal. I really needed someone to talk to it about. But when I do that, i feel so much better that I start to annoy them. I started cutting myself and being suicidal. I have no friends. At school I'm always the lonely girl, with no one to talk to. Today at school, like 10 minutes before school started, the 7th graders wait in the park, and some girl I didn't even know said out loud "_________ SHOULDNT STAY OUTSIDE BECAUSE SHE HAS NO FRIENDS AND SHOULD GO INSIDE SO SHE'S SURROUNDED BY PEOPLE SO IT SEEMS LIKE SHE HAS FRIENDS." Which really pissed me off. But I couldn't say anything back. WHO THE fudge DID SHE THINK SHE WAS TO SAY THAT?!?! I even drank listerine before to try to kill myself, now I only get pains because of it. I feel like everyones watching me. I have no talents, besides hacking (if that counts). I'm in SP (for the smarter students) but when people find out, they're like "YOU'RE IN SP?!!?" Why would they think I'm stupid??? Soon someone told the guidance counselor about the cutting and suicidal issues. They made me get a phsychiatrical evaluation. It turns out I have a mood disorder. Probably bipolar. Which answers my questions such as why I can't sleep a lot of the time, why I can't think or control my thoughts sometimes, why I have trouble focusing and paying attention, and a lot of other things. My parents were mad at me for this. I just feel guilty for a lot of things and don't want to go on. I feel like im hopeless. I keep losing my trail of thought right now and my head hurts real bad. Sometimes I even hear my mom call my name. But it's rare. Like, I'm gonna be like this the rest of my life. If I die and be born again, I'll have a new and better life, and I'll have friends. My parents don't let me go places. They don't understand me. All my mom does all day is scream at me and tell me how she hates me. I cry everyday.
Can someone just please reassure me and tell me everything's going to be alright? Please tell me why I should live, I don't see any reason why. Because right now I just need to let it out and need someone who's caring, because no one cares. And strangers are better to get reassurance from then haters. And you probably know, it's 999999999999 times worse than it sounds. Especially since I have a mood disorder.