06-23-2012, 05:32 PM
Well, I don't know where to start... Whole my life I've been bullied and teased, so no wonder I'm now fudge*d up as I am. I'm crosseyed, thin, small, bullied everyday, laughed at and I lost every right that a normal person has. People threaten me most of the time, they doesn't hesitate to kick me, I just can't stand up for myself. I feel like I lost the basic human rights in society, This all resulted in my drinking problem. Most of the time, when I go out, I get wasted, just to forgot all the crap I went through. Hell, I'm writing this drunk as well. I just want to live a normal life, I want to have friends, a girlfriend and I just want some respect. But I get none of that. I think that I'm just some clown or something in this world, made for amusement for other people. I'd like to be the person that can stand up or itself, that can run a normal life. All my life I've been living in a dysfunctional family. Love never done well to me. Most of the times I've been called ugly or got rejected in a "nice way" by girls. It just sucks to know that you're less worthy than other people and that you can't be in a relationship. I'm almost 19 and I have never even kissed a girl, so that explains it all to you. I'd just like to kill myself, but my family can't afford a funeral, so that's on hold for now. I feel like there's nothing for me to live for. I like this girl, but I'm too scared to even contact her, so that's out of option... I love her so much but too bad she'll never find out. Please tell me, what to do, how to make my life better and how to get some respect?