01-23-2012, 09:46 AM
Well, things were going great for me... until this last few days. I feel like I'm not myself. I get attention from the girls, probably more in these couple of months than in my whole life time. But still, something's not quite right with me. I've turned down every chick I had a chance with, even when they were straightforward. When someone's drinking around me I get that really huge urge to take a drink. Like when you get an urge for the cigarette. Also, I've started talking a lot of nonsense lately, like illuminati and crap like that. People think I'm crazy or something, idk. Some of them even think I'm an alcoholic or a drug addict, I really started acting weird. Also, I developed this weird phobia from public speech. I had a speech today and my knees started shaking uncontrollably, I barely managed to control myself. Not to mention that I blocked out in the middle of the conversation and had an awkward 20 seconds pause. I really feel like I'm going down hill. Psychically, I'm in terrible shape atm. I'm not fat or anything, but I feel like I'm 70 years old and not 18. Yesterday my back hurt so bad that I barely got out of bed. Friends keep teasing me or w/e, how I never kissed a girl or anything. I had at least 6-7 chances in the last month, but I chickened out and turned them down. People generally believe that I'm an idiot, because I act like one. Idk, where is my life going...