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+---- Thread: Simpler (/showthread.php?tid=26326)
Simpler - Daniel Faraday - 05-22-2012
Well, I kind of raged, but I do agree that my last post was a little cryptic to people who don't personally know me, so here's a simpler, shorter poem.
The great Ming armada chargers,
Its spirit propelling it through the sea
Wandering blindly over a maze of water;
A monolith of faith, in human prevalence.
Its captain the grand Zheng He,
A man of immense stature;
With an iron fist as his action.
And a modest soul as his means.
Their journey would take them far, far away,
Led to a sea of exotic landsl
To a striking world of spices,
India greets them.
http://ngm.nationalgeographic.com/ngm/0507/feature2/
RE: Simpler - gsc3po - 06-24-2012
should the last word of the first sentence be "charges" or "charger" ?
unless the word chargers is in reference to a class of ship in the Ming armada perhaps.
if i'm wrong and the word is " chargers" ,( plural ), the shouldn't the second line read,
" their spirit propelling them through the sea" ?
sorry if i sound picky but i just thought it was a typing error. other than that i love this.
"with an iron fist as his action" i love cross connected terminology like this. lol
and i'm not sure if it was planned but i really intensify's in power with each verse by simply using less words than the previous. it gives the whole thing gravitas, like its building towards the finale.
" India greets them" . such a short final line, but it explains more, creates more thought, more imagery than the other parts. and it feels separate from everything else. fantastic.
RE: Simpler - Omniscient - 06-29-2012
That's really good. I thoroughly enjoyed it. It's immediately captivating.