Support Forums

So my boyfriend and I found out a few weeks ago we are having a baby, and we were (and still are) completely ecstatic about it. We've been fighting a lot lately though and it's partially due to my rising hormones. I'm an emotional person as it is but the hormones are sooo hard to deal with and he's been saying lately that I need to deal with it and get it under control because he "can't do this forever." But he doesn't understand...

He used to be a drug addict, and has done a very good job at weening himself off of it since we started dating. He has said that having a baby will change him into a brand new person, which due to our fighting now I am worried isn't true. I do not like his friends at all, they are all irresponsible and drink every night and drugs every now and then. I used to know I could trust him but when he starts acting a certain way I know he's starting to not care...like this past week. Whenever he wants to go with his friends I try to either not let him or I don't leave his phone alone the whole time he's gone because I don't trust his friends. He ended up going swimming one afternoon with the worst friends of all of them, lied to me about drinking a drink which he thought had ecstasy in it...turned out it was meth (which he would never intentionally do, I know that part of it was not intentional), and for 2 days he could not come off of this high. I was SCARED, I thought he OD'd. So then he was supposed to be in the doghouse - i had full reign, right? Well he found out I hadn't told him I planned to go out of town today to my friend's surprise party. I never told him because I knew he'd try to stop me and say he wanted to spend the only weekend we have between his summer classes ending and mine beginning. He saw a text message, and now I AM the one in the doghouse. He went out with his friends last night, came home 3.5 hours later than he said he would. ANd this morning becuase I was upset about that and emotional from my hormones he left and went fishing with them.

I don't know what to do. I can't talk bad about him to my friends anymore, I've exhausted that resource. His parents are always there for me to talk with about our problems and understand but we haven't told them yet that I'm pregnant and they know he's abused drugs but he would have a coniption if I told them he did the other day. I feel lost and alone. He used to be there for me any time I needed him, but lately all he wants to do is get away. We have always talked about the day that we have children and dreamed about it, and it's finally happening, and he just never took into account the my hormones would quadruple and it would be very difficult at times.


I am not looking for "Oh boy, you're in trouble." I know what a lot of people will want to say. I just need a shoulder to cry on, because I have none right now. He loves me more than anything (I almost left him a while ago and I have never seen anyone so hysterical)...He would do anything for me and he does. He just doesn't understand my emotions right now and it brings out a side of him that I don't like. I just don't have time to write all the good stuff right now.

Hi.

I think the best thing to do is to sit down with him, have a nice cup of tea, and talk it through with him, I cannot understand what you are going through, I have never had a baby.

I am sure the members of support forums are here for you.

~a

Talking is the best solution for all the problems. (:

Hi needsupport123,

I'm so sorry to say this but you have made a wrong decision wanting to have a baby. Before you have a baby, you must be sure that you are in a healthy relationship.

The internet is not the best option to turn to in my opinion, try someone that you can trust.

Family member, a girl friend anyone.

Use the internet as a last resort for a problem as bad as thing, there is a childs well being at stake.

I'm not saying you won't be a good mother I'm just saying, a child without its dad, can cause problems later in life.

Just make sure you make a good decision, and don't rush it.

Hello needsupport123,

This issue is just ringing alarm bells for me. From the sound of your boyfriends actions, he sounds irresponsible and I don't think he's fit to be a father at the moment. You need to seriously have a talk with him and say if he's serious about giving up the drugs then he needs to loose those friends of his.
You need to start a fresh, you're going to have a family of your own soon and I think a new fresh start is very advisable. You two need to support each other for the babies arrival and that means he needs to get his act together and be the dad he needs to be.

Seriously mam you need to address this issue head on. If he's been on a two day high around you and the baby then this is just in my opinion despicable.

I think you need to consult a local help line, whether that be the police, hospital, drug abuse help line. Do you have any parents to talk to?

I also think you should seek help from someone in person. You need to think about you and your child's welfare.

- Sam

I think this is not going to be a very good environment for the baby, try and talk to him about it.

Well, I do want to start off with hope you luck with your baby boy/girl. And welcome to SF.

I've read the whole story and I've got the following from it.

~You obv want a loving and caring BF. That will love and support you and the baby.
~You want him to stay home with you and not hang out with the bad friends.

Well, I would suggest you tell him this.

"Honey, I would like for you to support me and this baby and not fight. I don't care if you hang out with your friends just let me know and do not get into trouble when your with them."

And seeing he used to be a drug addict if he has serious problems with the drug problems then suggest counseling for it.

However, y'all should trust each other enough to go out with friends regardless of you telling the other person about it. That's what a relationship is about. Trust and love.

I would also suggest sitting down and talking to him about his friends. If he's going to support you with this baby neither of you really have time to hang with friends, do drugs etc. A baby is a high priority. So have him a talk about a few of these things and then tell us how it went.

*I'm giving real useful information here unlike some of the other posts.

If there's anymore information you would like on this subject. Please send me a PM and I will talk with you about it.

You can send me a pm by clicking "pm" button under my name.

Your welcome,
Detective RooTz

How old are both of you?

Please simply use the report function if you find any posts that might seem inappropriate. If you feel the need to discuss each other's posting habits, do it via PMs. Thanks!