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Hello all. First off, i am gonna give you guys a little personal background, on myself.

When i was about 4-5 i guess thats when my austim started to stand out. I made quite a few enemies, and pretty much made my entire primary school hells. My only friends were two kids who lived beside me. Then they moved, and grades 78 sucked, and i failed terribely. In grade 6 though, i guess i just had enough of all the bs that was and is involved in my life. Someone made the wrong comment at me, and i jumped him. This day i happened to have a pencil on me, and i tried to jab him with it. I didn't suceed, and people pulled me away before anything could happen. I shortly after was assigned a social worker or two... and a psych. I happen to be very good at avoiding my actual issues, and getting them offtopic with trivial things like "My body is changing" or "so and so are fighting (friends to celebs) and it works. My apathy is if they can't dig deep enough to help, i should do my part.

Now to deal with all the abuse i was given, i started to help people. Some of the people i feel i helped the most i only met once or twice. But now these people seemed to have either gone to far down, and won't listen anymore, or that they just gave up on themselves. Which really scares me. Not just because my sick evil habit of using others misery to cheer me up, but also because i am afraid for them. Also now, what is keeping me from lashing out? I am afraid for those around me.

If anyone has any help, that would be much needed.

Thanks.

The problem is you, I believe that those people that you try to help and give up on their selves is not your fault but just them. Look when you try to help people sometimes you succeed but other times you don't. You can't always do good or help someone.

Now about your autism if people around you know you have it they should be aware of it and they should understand what it does and why you act like you do. I think you should continue what you do unless the people you help are getting worse. Sometimes you got to give up and let them do what they want even if it's wrong.

Also about those evil habits everyone has them. Everyone in their life has or is cheered up by misery of others. That's how life works ;).

I know, but then how do you let it out?

The problem is that your body wants to release adrenaline but the human society isn't allowing you. It's perfectly normal that some people have more adrenaline than others. Now my theory is that you keep all the adrenaline to your self and do not release it.

Do you do any sports or something like that? If not I suggest working out or exerciser daily. Also playing paintball can help you release a lot of adrenaline for example when you get hit (without body armor) and feel the pain/sting your body releases usually all your adrenaline since your body senses "danger".

If you do play sports and this is not the case than I believe its emotional related. Where does the source come from do you know? When do you feel anger.

Heh, i feel it from past pain. Old scars never heal. Old enemies never stop. And i'm sorry its not that. Its not adrenaline. I take regular runs, and my work invovles lugging computer and computer equipment, i get a good workout And i do, do violent things to get it out.

So its more emotional do you mind tell me more about "past pain". Otherwise maybe on MSN/PM .

I'd rather not. Thinking is what makes this come up.

Well, keeping it bottled up isn't going to help. Talking about it is the only way to help out, because apparently you can't handle it yourself.

(12-04-2009, 11:49 PM)Grizzly Wrote: [ -> ]Well, keeping it bottled up isn't going to help. Talking about it is the only way to help out, because apparently you can't handle it yourself.

But it doesn't. It what fuels it. I've tried it. All i ever did was drive away the people that cared about me.

You should consult someone in that special field for more help. I'm afraid no one here can help you.