02-14-2017, 09:13 PM
35 yo guy here. Recently married, working as a therapist and moved into a pricey new townhouse a few months back. Granted things look good on the surface, but life has been anything but. I've spent the last 8 years of my life working like hell to rebuild it after more than a decade of addiction. I have paid due after due with the hope that perseverance would invariable pay off, but after a series of disappointments in recent months, it's getting harder and harder to to keep the old chin up. My wife, as sweet and well-intentioned as she is, is suffering from depression/anxiety as well a narcolepsy, she seems to have no energy for life outside of her job as a teacher, and despite medicating her conditions and paying for her to receive intensive psychotherapy, it feels like I'm alone most of the time. I was brought on by a practice in spite of my past, but am paid a lower hourly rate than most other therapists because I have yet to receive my pinnacle license, due in large part to my past and consequences stemming from my past. In addition to work, I am spending nights trying to complete my MBA, but have had to slow down my degree progress due to work and family commitments. I have had little time for friends or any real activities to relieve the stress. To compound frustrations, our 8 month old puppy recently had a health crisis that cost us 4k that we don't have. Tonight was valentines day, and I spent the evening eating my dinner in front of the TV while my wife tried to promote herself to her school’s vice principal over the phone. I like to consider myself a pretty progressive guy, but I am starting to feel like some kind of old maid in my marriage! I moved to this new place with the hope of these calculated risks working out, but I’m starting to bleed money and can’t seem to find a way to turn things around. My divorced folks seem more concerned with slighting one another rather than helping out, and I’m starting to feel like running away from it all and starting over. I don’t believe drinking again is an option, but it’s getting to where sobriety is feeling like pointless drudgery. Even the votes of confidence I have gotten from people don’t seem to be hitting home. “Bright”, “personable”, “hardworking” “handsome”, and “a good heart”, just don’t seem to be translating to any degree of peace of mind or financial security, and I’m sick and tired of hearing my sober friends tell me to “just stay clean”. I don’t know what I’m looking for here. Maybe just some genuine empathy and perhaps some real advice for a change I suppose. It’s starting to feel pretty damn hopeless and pointless.