02-12-2016, 05:49 PM
Hello everyone!
I'm a 30 year old NJ born young lady. The last decade of my life has been jam packed with so many changes that I envy those whom lived in one town and known the same people forever. I've moved 4 times within my county, switched jobs in the same industry just as many times as I've moved, and met and lost dozens of friends; Among with it all, made and lost so many, MANY memories.
I grew into the Dog Grooming industry starting at 18, moving up from bather and finally going to school in Manhattan for a degree. I also studied for EMS and graduated among the top percent of my EMT class in 2009. But since then, I went around in a huge circle due to unfortunate circumstances back to my birth town, no longer at my last job I've worked between full-time, or as a Per Diem supplement for my 2nd jobs(8 years in July total I've been with them), and no longer riding on a corp due to burn out, and took a leap of faith to begin a job at retail a few minutes away from my home(my car broken down as well by coincidence, kinda lucky I decided to make this change before that happened) for minimum wage full time hourly, exchanging for my 40% commission wage at the mercy of the clientele coming in and keep their appointments, and working against slow seasons, not guaranteeing a stable income. It also offered no change of advancement in position or increase in commission. My other part time jobs involved corporate dog grooming companies, which were nearly impossible to work for.
But, more about me personally, I've always suffered from anxiety and depression since I was a very young child, beginning psychiatric visits and evals at the age of 9. Up until 19, I've been on dozens of different kinds of medications, been through treatments and group therapies, one of which was aimed for helping children with any of Autism Spectrum Disorder(though they weren't sure if I even fit into that category), and still to no avail to this day did any doctor ever tell me exactly what my problem was, and just labeled me as Emotionally Disturbed, or maybe bi-polar, or maybe generalized anxiety disorder, or maybe hysteria... 10 years have given me no answer at the age of 19. But what I do remember through out those years were to degrading comments and ridicule of peers, teachers, and doctors alike "You'll never get anywhere in life." "You'll never be able to do anything more than use a cash register."
Yet I mastered Dog grooming at the age of 30, even though I get anxiety attacks when a client is unhappy with my work, and am never happy with my quality, even if clients are more than delighted and say I'm the best at what I do. And yet I was told I was an excellent EMT, though eventually the negativity and high stress of the job's nature eventually amplified my own emotional issues and I had to stop. I have in a way proved all of those people wrong, yet whatever it is that is still haunting me and has diseased my mind; Whatever this illness professionals have failed to pin-point, is and has slowly over time been ruining my quality of life, making me think only that the last 10 years of my life were for naught.
There are so many people my age that are so successful and settled into their chosen paths, that I feel like my efforts to defy those whom deemed me worthless and a waste of space have failed, even though I fought so hard to make a place for myself in the working world and contribute. I am not an easy quitter, and instead of being one of those people who automatically give up and claim they're too disabled to work, I keep trying. But I'm 30 with no high paying job.
I'm distraught and don't know where I stand, nor do I know how I should feel about this besides feeling sad and unhappy with my life. I'm looking for advice and words of encouragement.
Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for reading my story, and I look forward to feedback.
I'm a 30 year old NJ born young lady. The last decade of my life has been jam packed with so many changes that I envy those whom lived in one town and known the same people forever. I've moved 4 times within my county, switched jobs in the same industry just as many times as I've moved, and met and lost dozens of friends; Among with it all, made and lost so many, MANY memories.
I grew into the Dog Grooming industry starting at 18, moving up from bather and finally going to school in Manhattan for a degree. I also studied for EMS and graduated among the top percent of my EMT class in 2009. But since then, I went around in a huge circle due to unfortunate circumstances back to my birth town, no longer at my last job I've worked between full-time, or as a Per Diem supplement for my 2nd jobs(8 years in July total I've been with them), and no longer riding on a corp due to burn out, and took a leap of faith to begin a job at retail a few minutes away from my home(my car broken down as well by coincidence, kinda lucky I decided to make this change before that happened) for minimum wage full time hourly, exchanging for my 40% commission wage at the mercy of the clientele coming in and keep their appointments, and working against slow seasons, not guaranteeing a stable income. It also offered no change of advancement in position or increase in commission. My other part time jobs involved corporate dog grooming companies, which were nearly impossible to work for.
But, more about me personally, I've always suffered from anxiety and depression since I was a very young child, beginning psychiatric visits and evals at the age of 9. Up until 19, I've been on dozens of different kinds of medications, been through treatments and group therapies, one of which was aimed for helping children with any of Autism Spectrum Disorder(though they weren't sure if I even fit into that category), and still to no avail to this day did any doctor ever tell me exactly what my problem was, and just labeled me as Emotionally Disturbed, or maybe bi-polar, or maybe generalized anxiety disorder, or maybe hysteria... 10 years have given me no answer at the age of 19. But what I do remember through out those years were to degrading comments and ridicule of peers, teachers, and doctors alike "You'll never get anywhere in life." "You'll never be able to do anything more than use a cash register."
Yet I mastered Dog grooming at the age of 30, even though I get anxiety attacks when a client is unhappy with my work, and am never happy with my quality, even if clients are more than delighted and say I'm the best at what I do. And yet I was told I was an excellent EMT, though eventually the negativity and high stress of the job's nature eventually amplified my own emotional issues and I had to stop. I have in a way proved all of those people wrong, yet whatever it is that is still haunting me and has diseased my mind; Whatever this illness professionals have failed to pin-point, is and has slowly over time been ruining my quality of life, making me think only that the last 10 years of my life were for naught.
There are so many people my age that are so successful and settled into their chosen paths, that I feel like my efforts to defy those whom deemed me worthless and a waste of space have failed, even though I fought so hard to make a place for myself in the working world and contribute. I am not an easy quitter, and instead of being one of those people who automatically give up and claim they're too disabled to work, I keep trying. But I'm 30 with no high paying job.
I'm distraught and don't know where I stand, nor do I know how I should feel about this besides feeling sad and unhappy with my life. I'm looking for advice and words of encouragement.
Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for reading my story, and I look forward to feedback.