04-04-2014, 08:25 PM
It is said that pain is only temporary, that pain is simply weakness leaving the body, I have found it to be quite different. Over the past few days I have learned what real pain truly is, hurting those around you even when you have the best intentions. Pain is seeing the person you care about the most in tears and more furious than they have ever been, and you know it is your fault. Pain is battling the never ending and overwhelming urge to end your own life as you lie awake in bed with a knife in one hand and pills in the other. Pain is not eating and sleeping for the following week, because you can’t stop thinking about the fact that the reason she is so angry, so sad, and in so much pain, that it is all your fault. Pain is when you realize that physical pain will dull the never ending emotional and mental torment caused by what you have done, even if you have had the best intentions in mind. Pain like this is not weakness leaving the body, but is the strongest friendship leaving me, she who was more like a sister than a friend to me. Having every last bit of me and my heart ripped from my chest, and knowing it is still all my fault, and all because of the simplest thing. Pain is not weakness leaving the body, it is everything I had left leaving me, and knowing it is all because of me.