09-22-2013, 12:48 PM
This is my first post (It may be long), I came over from HF. Recognized as Tau as well on that forum. Anyways, I am going through a hard time and I remembered these forums. I am looking for help, knowledge. I feel so lost.
Before all this happened, my Girlfriend and I would be with eachother all the time. After one another worked, or was finished plans. We fell asleep every night together, and I'd wake up to her beautiful face every morning.
My Girlfriend of 1 year and 4 months recently found my stache of weed. She wasn't so happy, because I told her I would stop. I meant it, I really did. I wasn't ready to stop at the time though, because I was using it to cope with the current fights we were having every now and then.
Now let's jump back in time a little :/, around March I was away for school for about a year. There was a 2 week break, where I stopped talking to her. Felt like life was going great, nothing could make it better. God, how wrong was I. That was my first biggest mistake, I finally opened up to her, told he my feelings, fully trusted her, and started to talk again. I moved back to a small town so I could be with her, spend summer with her, and to hopefully eventually start our life together. Although I found out she was getting close to another guy, developing feelings for another guy. I know she is faithful, and she would never do anything. She told me she was giving up when I stopped talking to her, That he listened to her and made her happy at the time. And I get that, she told me she went as far as to hold his had once. And that hit me like a truck :/ Just holding hands... and I broke down.
Back to the present. Now we are on a small break. I get to see her every now and then... Fall asleep with her every few nights, because I have trouble otherwise :/ But during this break, she has been talking to him more than I, has been going out cruising in his car and hanging out with him again. She tells me she still loves me, that she misses me. But I have no idea how she could do this, and how I am suppose to believe that she does. She says that I am the one that she wants to marry in life, the man she knows she wants to spend the rest of her life with. I have asked her if she is developing feelings for this guy again, and she says that she doesn't know... I ask her to please, not fall for him. That it won't make things any easier. She says that she will try :/ I love this Woman, she is everything to me. I am 19, she is 18. We are both still young, but I know she is the one. I want to be a better person with her, I want to be more social (Because I never was) and I have improved quite a bit. I went from being that person who sits on forums all day and plays WoW, LoL, BF3, and CoD; to someone who would rather go out, do something with someone. I don't play games anymore, and I have incredibly cut down on smoking weed. Actually I just sold all of my stuff to my friend, so I am done with it. I want to do this not only for her, but because I am done wasting my money on something that makes me artificially happy all the time. Because she is the one that makes me happy, the reason I can get through each day. When I am at work, it goes by fast because all I look forward to doing is seeing her on my 15 minute break only to see her for 5 minutes, and to see her after work. She makes things in my life enjoyable, her smile brightens up my whole day. I have so many things to remember her by in my room. Her clothes, which smell like her and is the only reason I can really sleep is by cuddling with her clothes, smelling the same scent she has. It helps me think that she is actually there, when she really isn't. I have no friends to talk to. No bros that I can trust to give me solid advice. I can't talk to her, because when I do I break down, I cry non stop, and beg that we work through this together, that we can make through these hardships together rather then separately. I miss her so much, I feel so alone. I don't have friends to hang out with. The ones that stayed in this town are playing WoW all the time, getting high and partying. That's not the kind of guy I am anymore, I don't enjoy those things anymore. I am so lost, I am willing to do anything I can to win her back. To be worthy of her love, her smile, her tears, her hugs and cuddles, her everything. She is the sun of my day, the moon of my night and her smile shines as brightly as every star in the sky. I feel like I couldn't be in a better place without her. I'll do anything for her.
There is still a bit left out, because It would be far far too long and people wouldn't read it. But this is the just of it :/
Please help, anything. I am so lost, so alone, and so scared. I can only cry by myself, I am not even that close to my parents to cry and share my feelings with them. I can feel myself falling apart, with no way of putting myself back together if I lose her.
Before all this happened, my Girlfriend and I would be with eachother all the time. After one another worked, or was finished plans. We fell asleep every night together, and I'd wake up to her beautiful face every morning.
My Girlfriend of 1 year and 4 months recently found my stache of weed. She wasn't so happy, because I told her I would stop. I meant it, I really did. I wasn't ready to stop at the time though, because I was using it to cope with the current fights we were having every now and then.
Now let's jump back in time a little :/, around March I was away for school for about a year. There was a 2 week break, where I stopped talking to her. Felt like life was going great, nothing could make it better. God, how wrong was I. That was my first biggest mistake, I finally opened up to her, told he my feelings, fully trusted her, and started to talk again. I moved back to a small town so I could be with her, spend summer with her, and to hopefully eventually start our life together. Although I found out she was getting close to another guy, developing feelings for another guy. I know she is faithful, and she would never do anything. She told me she was giving up when I stopped talking to her, That he listened to her and made her happy at the time. And I get that, she told me she went as far as to hold his had once. And that hit me like a truck :/ Just holding hands... and I broke down.
Back to the present. Now we are on a small break. I get to see her every now and then... Fall asleep with her every few nights, because I have trouble otherwise :/ But during this break, she has been talking to him more than I, has been going out cruising in his car and hanging out with him again. She tells me she still loves me, that she misses me. But I have no idea how she could do this, and how I am suppose to believe that she does. She says that I am the one that she wants to marry in life, the man she knows she wants to spend the rest of her life with. I have asked her if she is developing feelings for this guy again, and she says that she doesn't know... I ask her to please, not fall for him. That it won't make things any easier. She says that she will try :/ I love this Woman, she is everything to me. I am 19, she is 18. We are both still young, but I know she is the one. I want to be a better person with her, I want to be more social (Because I never was) and I have improved quite a bit. I went from being that person who sits on forums all day and plays WoW, LoL, BF3, and CoD; to someone who would rather go out, do something with someone. I don't play games anymore, and I have incredibly cut down on smoking weed. Actually I just sold all of my stuff to my friend, so I am done with it. I want to do this not only for her, but because I am done wasting my money on something that makes me artificially happy all the time. Because she is the one that makes me happy, the reason I can get through each day. When I am at work, it goes by fast because all I look forward to doing is seeing her on my 15 minute break only to see her for 5 minutes, and to see her after work. She makes things in my life enjoyable, her smile brightens up my whole day. I have so many things to remember her by in my room. Her clothes, which smell like her and is the only reason I can really sleep is by cuddling with her clothes, smelling the same scent she has. It helps me think that she is actually there, when she really isn't. I have no friends to talk to. No bros that I can trust to give me solid advice. I can't talk to her, because when I do I break down, I cry non stop, and beg that we work through this together, that we can make through these hardships together rather then separately. I miss her so much, I feel so alone. I don't have friends to hang out with. The ones that stayed in this town are playing WoW all the time, getting high and partying. That's not the kind of guy I am anymore, I don't enjoy those things anymore. I am so lost, I am willing to do anything I can to win her back. To be worthy of her love, her smile, her tears, her hugs and cuddles, her everything. She is the sun of my day, the moon of my night and her smile shines as brightly as every star in the sky. I feel like I couldn't be in a better place without her. I'll do anything for her.
There is still a bit left out, because It would be far far too long and people wouldn't read it. But this is the just of it :/
Please help, anything. I am so lost, so alone, and so scared. I can only cry by myself, I am not even that close to my parents to cry and share my feelings with them. I can feel myself falling apart, with no way of putting myself back together if I lose her.