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i should be in bed because again i have to get up at 630am again to work (freelance writing on the side of full-time job...and i don't make much because it's for a start-up). i simply don't have time for a social life. i'm always on the computer. i'm sure i can make time in the near future, and i intend to...when i get a better handle on things.

my boyfriend is an incredibly nervous and temperamental kind of guy. he has gotten a lot better but things have been stressful for him lately. i don't want to divulge his personal life details. point is, he needs me, otherwise he doesn't know what to do with himself...even on a great day. this weekend was supposed to be a really work-packed weekend but i spent 8 hours tending to him, calming him down, getting him out for some exercise.

so i'm pretty behind now (amp up the stress). and i should be getting to bed. i'm home alone, working and doing laundry. he's hanging out with his sister, watching a live band and probably drinking too much (2nd night in a row), which i believe doesn't help his chemistry...which is bad given his current stressful situation. which means more support from me, and more stress for me, and more tears.

going back to the temper thing. he has a tendency to completely misunderstand my meaning at times, and twists it in his head to be something really bad. then he screams and yells at me. even if for just a moment, it makes me heart sink down in my stomach, and jump up in my throat at the same time...and the result is depression, sadness, and numbness towards him. it's not normal yelling and screaming. it's a complete personality transformation.

i try not to cry because it upsets him. and when he's stressed out, i don't know what to say, because i just don't want him to raise his voice the way he does. right now, i feel jealous that he's out while i'm here, stuck with work....a work situation which has worsened because i spent the good part of today trying to calm him down. i understand he needs to go out but seems like i'm often catering to his needs because he has more needs than i do i guess?

when i do need him...when things get really bad, he loses his temper with me if i cry too much. he tries to force a resolution asap (i literally mean 5-10 minutes), and says that if i don't do it, then i'm choosing to be miserable...and then he loses his temper. so i feel that when things get super bad on my end, i don't want to talk to him about it because he gets really upset about it (but i have no one else to talk to). instead of helping me, i end up helping him get over it...when it was MY problem in the first place! tell me that's not ridiculous!

he has some deep-seeded issues, resulting in lack of motivation, no passion for life, control-freakishness, and a lot of anxiety and anger. my life hasn't been peachy either. but...i sustain myself. and i never have a desire to off myself, ever (though i used to all the time). it would be so boring to just cut it short. why not hang out for a while and try stuff out, see what happens in life? so what?

i don't want him to drive home drunk. he's a ways away from home right now. and i don't want to wake up to smoke and video game sounds when getting up early tmw and being productive is so crucial at this point.

i just feel so depressed, stressed, over-worked, lonely, and resentful.

Communication is key, and you two don't seem to have that established yet. Or at least he doesn't. Try talking to him when he's calm, relaxed, and preferable in a good mood. Tell him how you really feel when he raises his voice, something tells me he doens't know how it's effecting you.

"i just feel so depressed, stressed, over-worked, lonely, and resentful."

Depressed: Step away from the computer, get outside with some friends and live. You're trapping yourself.

Stressed: Same thing, take a break from the hectic lifestyle you live.

Over-worked: Same thing, you simply need a break from this work.

Lonely: Talk to your boyfriend about what YOU'RE going through, he needs to know.

Resentful: All i can honestly say is communication is key.

Best of luck

If possible you might want to get him to a therapist. I know from personal experience, things go sour if one person is burdening their partner with all their emotional problems and not offering support for the other. I think it would help you guys out a lot. He would have someone else to talk with about his internal problems and you could focus on having a fun and healthy relationship. I don't think it's good for either of you if you're taking on your own stress and his combined. Go out and have a few beers with some girlfriends, blow off some steam.