12-14-2012, 08:56 AM
Hi I am a female but I don't really know what my orientation is, bi maybe? but only in the sense that I find both female and males attractive in a eye candy sort of way but I would never be with a male or even a female really, I just don't see a huge desire to date, I feel content to live alone, however I met a girl couple years younger then myself and we became best friends pretty quick, I sorta had a crush on her but never does it go farther then that for me, I knew she was straight, I knew she dated one or two guys but they were real jerks, to get closer to the point we ended up dating more as a mutual thing, almost as a joke and we were waiting for the other to call it off but that never happened and we ended up falling in love, it's been 2 years now and the relationship is great, we're both jealous sort of people but we're both fine with it and almost enjoy it, we never have real problems/fights/arguments/ it's like we're perfect for each other, we still love to cuddle and just hold each other and generally spend time together, so the problem I guess is with me, now I'm a bit on the shorter side, 5" 4' I know I'm not gonna grow anymore but she is the same height and might grow a little more, I'm okay with it but I know most girls have a thing about wanting their partner to be taller then them, which is fine
I like the role of protector though and I love my girlfriend so much but if I do end up shorter how am I supposed to feel like I can protect her, I am also called petite (which I hate) just because my hands and feet are on the smaller side however I'm solid and well built because my body type takes after my father, My main issue surrounding many of my smaller issues is that I feel inadequate compared to guys, she's told me she's straight but "technically" bi because she's dating me, I know she really loves me but I can't help feeling like she deserves better then I can give her, we've talked about getting married and we both really want to, however being both girls in a same sex relationship I'm going to be making less money because I am female than a man would so that hurts too, I'm pretty smart but I don't think that'll matter, there is also the issue of children, she wants at least one and two at most, which is fine with me (other then feeling like crap cause I can't give her kids like a guy could) only option we have is sperm donor because she want's to pass on her genes which is understandable.
I asked her the question one day what qualities she would like for the sperm donor to have, she said "blue eyes, dark hair and a bit on the taller side" which sounds great, only problem is aside from the dark hair that won't look anything like me, I was kinda hoping maybe she would choose someone with similar qualities as me, but who am I kidding, tall, dark and handsome is what most straight girls want right?
Another issue is I'm afraid she'll leave me for a guy as soon as one starts to become interested in her, she had a crush on a guy in school, I've seen him, he's really cute and great body but he like blondes and she's not blonde so yeah, but the reason I think this is, is because I feel she is just staying with me cause I am interested in her and am the only one giving her this sort of attention, she says she's shy around guys so it's hard for her to date one, though I know she loves me but maybe only because of the reason above?
I think of these issues every day, every time I see a good looking guy, every time I see a heterosexual couple, I think she deserves that and to have some normality in her life, I think she would be happier that way, so much that I broke up with her for a while, she was so upset and cried the entire time, I felt like crap too because I really want to be with her but i want whats best for her, we got back together but I still have these issues and concerns, what should I do? And sorry this was so long but I really don't know what to do.
I like the role of protector though and I love my girlfriend so much but if I do end up shorter how am I supposed to feel like I can protect her, I am also called petite (which I hate) just because my hands and feet are on the smaller side however I'm solid and well built because my body type takes after my father, My main issue surrounding many of my smaller issues is that I feel inadequate compared to guys, she's told me she's straight but "technically" bi because she's dating me, I know she really loves me but I can't help feeling like she deserves better then I can give her, we've talked about getting married and we both really want to, however being both girls in a same sex relationship I'm going to be making less money because I am female than a man would so that hurts too, I'm pretty smart but I don't think that'll matter, there is also the issue of children, she wants at least one and two at most, which is fine with me (other then feeling like crap cause I can't give her kids like a guy could) only option we have is sperm donor because she want's to pass on her genes which is understandable.
I asked her the question one day what qualities she would like for the sperm donor to have, she said "blue eyes, dark hair and a bit on the taller side" which sounds great, only problem is aside from the dark hair that won't look anything like me, I was kinda hoping maybe she would choose someone with similar qualities as me, but who am I kidding, tall, dark and handsome is what most straight girls want right?
Another issue is I'm afraid she'll leave me for a guy as soon as one starts to become interested in her, she had a crush on a guy in school, I've seen him, he's really cute and great body but he like blondes and she's not blonde so yeah, but the reason I think this is, is because I feel she is just staying with me cause I am interested in her and am the only one giving her this sort of attention, she says she's shy around guys so it's hard for her to date one, though I know she loves me but maybe only because of the reason above?
I think of these issues every day, every time I see a good looking guy, every time I see a heterosexual couple, I think she deserves that and to have some normality in her life, I think she would be happier that way, so much that I broke up with her for a while, she was so upset and cried the entire time, I felt like crap too because I really want to be with her but i want whats best for her, we got back together but I still have these issues and concerns, what should I do? And sorry this was so long but I really don't know what to do.