Currently a 20-year-old male virgin. How do I know whether my desire to have a girlfriend and someone to be with is legitimate or it's just my way of saying I want to have sex?
The reason I ask is because since I was a little kid, the more and more I grew up and hadn't had sex yet, the day/idea of having sex with my first became more and more special to me. So I had made it a personal principle to have sex with my first girlfriend just to leave myself some self-respect and dignity. But now since I haven't had sex yet at this age, my sexual desires and emotions have meshed together.
How do I find out what it is that I really want? Or if it's both?
By just doing it and observing the result.
(09-24-2012, 05:46 AM)Providence Wrote: [ -> ]By just doing it and observing the result.
What he said, just do it.
No strings sex is easier, but I personally think it's nicer to have sex with someone you love.
Well i am also a 20 year old virgin , to me its pretty intimate , but depends on your views on it usually the first thought or whether you want to wait for it or not is the right one , i have some friends waiting for marriage (very few) and some friends that have nothing but sex , but regardless i find it that the pressure of the people saying you should do it , is pretty bullshit and again its your decision that counts.
You will know if you do not just keep thinking of having sex at your first date. When you date someone just see if you think about her and her good things, like her eyes or want to cuddle up with her etc. If you are fantasizing about having sex with her, you know enough. However, the desire to have sexmay become much less after having it once so it's not really a problem if you can get in bed with a girl you end up not loving.
You are not alone. Many teens and some adults think about sex until they have done. My brother is currently 13 and he has just started thinking about sex. I had to talk to him about sex, condoms, STD's and all that good stuff. Anytime you have the urge for sex, it is most likely mental. If you say in your head that you just want to have sex with her, it probably wouldn't mean much. However, if you are positive that she is the love of your life, go ahead and talk to her about it.
Are you in College? I've always said that dating a girl in College is a lot like bringing a sack lunch to a full buffet. Personally, I'd go with sex. You're young enough that everything is still pretty casual and you're probably not looking to settle down. In my opinion, you should only date a girl if you think she's a prospect for marriage, any other reason is just extra effort you don't need to put forth.
Not everyone is capable of no strings sex either. Some people just have emotional ties to sex and by participating in this you end up getting hurt. However you would have to experience it to know whether or not it is for you. Honestly its something i wouldn't put pressure on because that will just make it more difficult.
I'm loving the replies I'm getting. Really, I learned a lot about this in the past few posts. Especially from Thomas and Sinvoid. Thank you!