09-13-2012, 10:13 PM
To start with I'm not out for pity or deep and meaningfuls or anything. Basically I am almost 20 in a relationship for almost two years now with a guy I love more than anything. Objectively, I'm pretty/cute and intelligent with a proportionate figure. I try to be generous and understanding and basically strive to be a good person. I'm studying to get a diploma for the career path I want to follow, so all in all I suppose I'm not a bad catch. However I have been struggling with depression and anxiety and every week or so I'll be on a horrible low for a couple of days where all I can think is that I'm ugly, fat, stupid, worthless, lazy, bitchy, passive-aggressive and all the rest of it and can't see why my boyfriend would stay with me because I can't see any good in myself. As a result, he can't even txt another girl or like a girl's photo on facebook (innocently) without me assuming that he's trying to get into her. When I'm in my right mind and thinking rationally I know it's stupid, but when I'm in one of my ruts I just lose it and am horrible to him and impossible to talk to or console in any way. He can tell me he loves me as much as he likes and I can try to convince myself that too, but I'm sure that everyone knows what it's like when you're in that irrational headspace and working yourself into a frenzy.
Basically looking for any pointers on how to control this insecurity when it gets out of hand, or stop it before it gets to that point in the future? I am afraid that if I keep going like this my partner will get sick of it one day (I would in all fairness) and would kick myself if I lost him for something stupid and irrational like this.
Basically looking for any pointers on how to control this insecurity when it gets out of hand, or stop it before it gets to that point in the future? I am afraid that if I keep going like this my partner will get sick of it one day (I would in all fairness) and would kick myself if I lost him for something stupid and irrational like this.