He it goes.
First night on my own
No where to go on my own
Winters breath brings a chill to my body
everything around me closes in.
The night is quite silent when your on your own.
/thoughts
I learned that is should be
A:First night on my own
A: No where to go on my own
B: Winters breath brings a chill to my body
B: O boy, do I feel snotty (added in, needs to rhyme with above)
A:Everything around me closes in
B:The night is quite silent when your on your own
You said 'own' way too much. Should use different words.
That was the point sir. It was the subject sentence.
(05-01-2012, 05:31 PM)fanta Wrote: [ -> ]I learned that is should be
A:First night on my own
A: No where to go on my own
B: Winters breath brings a chill to my body
B: O boy, do I feel snotty (added in, needs to rhyme with above)
A:Everything around me closes in
B:The night is quite silent when your on your own
The most common rhyme schemes are
abab cdcd efef gg
aabb ccdd eeff (gg)
aaaa bbbb cccc
If they even have rhyming couplets.
Then don't use it at the end of the line. Use it at the beginning.
(05-24-2012, 08:26 PM)Aиγέλ Oφ Kαος Wrote: [ -> ]Then don't use it at the end of the line. Use it at the beginning.
Using at the end of the line really helps the repetition, but I do agree that the usage could be better. Tears, Idle Tears is a great example of this.
http://www.online-literature.com/donne/729/
(05-25-2012, 07:15 PM)Daniel Faraday Wrote: [ -> ]Using at the end of the line really helps the repetition, but I do agree that the usage could be better. Tears, Idle Tears is a great example of this.
http://www.online-literature.com/donne/729/
I've done a many poems that have repetition at the beginning. It's possible. Look up some of shakespeares stuff.
it feels like it should be part of a larger work. then you could expand on the 2nd line repetition idea.
if this is just a stand alone verse then i don't think it matters, but i think you could keep going with it. look at the lay out of the first verse and play with it over the course of the other verses. make it a theme that you adapt as the poem progresses. you can tweek the subtleties and get people thinking.
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