04-07-2012, 07:58 PM
I will be righting a block of what is on my mind and it really is a lot. No one cares that much anymore except this one girl. We will call her "Stacy" and she means the world to me. But, that will be later on.
Growing up my brother always beat the fudge out of me and I could never do anything about it, I just cried and cried, taking the beating from my brother whom is always 7-years older than me. It really sucked. Keep in my mind, I'm only 15 now. I grew up with black eyes, broken noses, concussions, the little bundle.
School Years:
- Pre-School: Expelled
- Kindergarten: 2-Kids always picked on me.
- 1st Grade: On the bus many kids whom were older made fun of how I looked and the way my name sounded.
- 2nd Grade: A kid didn't like how I looked or talked --> Smashed me on a metal pole twice giving me a severe concussion
- 3rd Grade: Yet another kid always pulled my chair back and whenever I leaned back he pulled the chair down.
- 4th Grade: My teacher wouldn't let me use the bathroom and I pissed
my pants. - Bullied Again.
- 5th Grade: My eating disorder was starting to develop and my parents were having a raise in tensions towards each other. I never had "game night" and I never got to see them smiling anymore.
- 6th Grade: My bestfriend Crystal hung herself and my eating disorder took a new level. I weighed 56 Lbs at the end of 6th grade.
- 7th Grade: My dad always threatened to leave the house, relatives were dying out and my mom and dad weren't getting any better. On top of that, my mom's side of the family came back in the picture and then major problems hit, my mom became an excessive gambler.
- 8th Grade(Current): My bestfriend developed cancer below his liver and my other bestfriend got into drugs, he ended up overdosing without my knowledge. I thought different on life really fast. My parents didn't care if I was doing drugs either or if I got into a brawl. Bullying sort of stopped, this one kid started picking on me so I smashed his face in with a few elbows and had full mount on him, the family wanted to press charges but the whole school knew I was going crazy. Just a few weeks ago I was diagnosed with some temporal schizophrenia crap and it wasn't technically schizophrenia but something really really close, its curable and it degrades overtime. My dad developed into a really aggressive alcoholic and I always lock my door to make sure he doesn't get in, I don't ever want to see him when he is drunk, I hate him. He always says I have no life so I've been leaving for 7-hour walks every single weekend, every day of the weekend and he freaks out now because I'm never around him. No crap I'm not around the house dad, you and mom are freakin assholes to me. In the beginning of this year I really liked this small little girl, her name was lets just call her, Jasmin. I liked her a bit last year, she was rather cute. But hey, I moved on, shes probably my bestfriend now. She actually brought me out of my depression this year, I quit hacking I quit all the evil things I've done. I didn't steal nor cheat nor rob, she let me be who I am now. I listened to a lot of music I had left in my past and wow, shes just my bestfriend and is always there for me(mostly) She practically restored my life if you would say. Just turned me into a new social butterfly.
Now Stacy:-(Comes from my HF Post)
I started dating this girl, lets call her Stacy...She brokeup with me at the worst possible time. I had been told I had some temporal schizophrenia practically which I don't remember what it was called but I could snap at any moment and go into a deep depression or go into a frantic rage, but it wasn't exactly schizophrenia. Anyways, on top of that diagnosis my bestfriend had died of Cancer, name was Akarius. We actually have a user on the forums named djakarius which is strange, and he had cancer, coincidence eh?
Now, we stayed bestfriends, never hugged but we still talked and talked about everything but we both had thought we moved on (she told me she moved on and so did I, but I didn't) Then, a month later we went on a bike ride and she hugged me, and we just had a long hug, and then she said I missed you, but then when we went to her house I went to kiss her, but it was more of a snap in my head, and it sucked and I didn't know why I did that. Then, 2 weeks ago we went on walks, and we constantly talked about both of our fudge-ups in life and we ended every single walk with us laying on the ground giving a hug, it was just...peaceful. My problems disappear whenever I get around her and I really do love it. I always leave my house, it sucks here, it does. My father is an aggressive alcoholic and my mother is an excessive gambler. They constantly fight and they always yell/scream at each other, so I tend to leave. One time they screamed at me for leaving, and no matter what I do I'm always frowned upon for the actions committed, I never get support. My medicine was taking advantage of me 4weeks ago and I began to cut, I did small cuts but they were pretty big, when I say small cuts I mean they weren't completely bloody, just sharp burns and all. I got off my medicine as soon as I got cleared to do so, this week I've been off them and I really am falling for "Stacy" again.
Yesterday "Stacy" said she liked me and how she never was over me. I was completely happy and my life just shot up and enlightened itself with those words. I went on a walk with her today and I was sitting down and she slid in between me and I wrapped my arms around her, she loved every bit of it and even told me so. She said she won't date me because she broke-up with me and it wouldn't be right but she is now seriously doubting herself...
-
I forgot to add this: I've tried to hang myself in the 6th grade after having my eating disorder and my bestfriend Crystal hanging herself. At the last moment I really said "No, I won't do this" I pulled myself up, went into the house, past my parents and into my room, they didn't even know, still don't know.
Growing up my brother always beat the fudge out of me and I could never do anything about it, I just cried and cried, taking the beating from my brother whom is always 7-years older than me. It really sucked. Keep in my mind, I'm only 15 now. I grew up with black eyes, broken noses, concussions, the little bundle.
School Years:
- Pre-School: Expelled
- Kindergarten: 2-Kids always picked on me.
- 1st Grade: On the bus many kids whom were older made fun of how I looked and the way my name sounded.
- 2nd Grade: A kid didn't like how I looked or talked --> Smashed me on a metal pole twice giving me a severe concussion
- 3rd Grade: Yet another kid always pulled my chair back and whenever I leaned back he pulled the chair down.
- 4th Grade: My teacher wouldn't let me use the bathroom and I pissed
my pants. - Bullied Again.
- 5th Grade: My eating disorder was starting to develop and my parents were having a raise in tensions towards each other. I never had "game night" and I never got to see them smiling anymore.
- 6th Grade: My bestfriend Crystal hung herself and my eating disorder took a new level. I weighed 56 Lbs at the end of 6th grade.
- 7th Grade: My dad always threatened to leave the house, relatives were dying out and my mom and dad weren't getting any better. On top of that, my mom's side of the family came back in the picture and then major problems hit, my mom became an excessive gambler.
- 8th Grade(Current): My bestfriend developed cancer below his liver and my other bestfriend got into drugs, he ended up overdosing without my knowledge. I thought different on life really fast. My parents didn't care if I was doing drugs either or if I got into a brawl. Bullying sort of stopped, this one kid started picking on me so I smashed his face in with a few elbows and had full mount on him, the family wanted to press charges but the whole school knew I was going crazy. Just a few weeks ago I was diagnosed with some temporal schizophrenia crap and it wasn't technically schizophrenia but something really really close, its curable and it degrades overtime. My dad developed into a really aggressive alcoholic and I always lock my door to make sure he doesn't get in, I don't ever want to see him when he is drunk, I hate him. He always says I have no life so I've been leaving for 7-hour walks every single weekend, every day of the weekend and he freaks out now because I'm never around him. No crap I'm not around the house dad, you and mom are freakin assholes to me. In the beginning of this year I really liked this small little girl, her name was lets just call her, Jasmin. I liked her a bit last year, she was rather cute. But hey, I moved on, shes probably my bestfriend now. She actually brought me out of my depression this year, I quit hacking I quit all the evil things I've done. I didn't steal nor cheat nor rob, she let me be who I am now. I listened to a lot of music I had left in my past and wow, shes just my bestfriend and is always there for me(mostly) She practically restored my life if you would say. Just turned me into a new social butterfly.
Now Stacy:-(Comes from my HF Post)
I started dating this girl, lets call her Stacy...She brokeup with me at the worst possible time. I had been told I had some temporal schizophrenia practically which I don't remember what it was called but I could snap at any moment and go into a deep depression or go into a frantic rage, but it wasn't exactly schizophrenia. Anyways, on top of that diagnosis my bestfriend had died of Cancer, name was Akarius. We actually have a user on the forums named djakarius which is strange, and he had cancer, coincidence eh?
Now, we stayed bestfriends, never hugged but we still talked and talked about everything but we both had thought we moved on (she told me she moved on and so did I, but I didn't) Then, a month later we went on a bike ride and she hugged me, and we just had a long hug, and then she said I missed you, but then when we went to her house I went to kiss her, but it was more of a snap in my head, and it sucked and I didn't know why I did that. Then, 2 weeks ago we went on walks, and we constantly talked about both of our fudge-ups in life and we ended every single walk with us laying on the ground giving a hug, it was just...peaceful. My problems disappear whenever I get around her and I really do love it. I always leave my house, it sucks here, it does. My father is an aggressive alcoholic and my mother is an excessive gambler. They constantly fight and they always yell/scream at each other, so I tend to leave. One time they screamed at me for leaving, and no matter what I do I'm always frowned upon for the actions committed, I never get support. My medicine was taking advantage of me 4weeks ago and I began to cut, I did small cuts but they were pretty big, when I say small cuts I mean they weren't completely bloody, just sharp burns and all. I got off my medicine as soon as I got cleared to do so, this week I've been off them and I really am falling for "Stacy" again.
Yesterday "Stacy" said she liked me and how she never was over me. I was completely happy and my life just shot up and enlightened itself with those words. I went on a walk with her today and I was sitting down and she slid in between me and I wrapped my arms around her, she loved every bit of it and even told me so. She said she won't date me because she broke-up with me and it wouldn't be right but she is now seriously doubting herself...
-
I forgot to add this: I've tried to hang myself in the 6th grade after having my eating disorder and my bestfriend Crystal hanging herself. At the last moment I really said "No, I won't do this" I pulled myself up, went into the house, past my parents and into my room, they didn't even know, still don't know.