11-23-2011, 10:34 AM
SP I have a issue. Let me tell you a little about me.
I am growing up at a "Border Town" so.... there is a lot of Mexican people where I live. Whats the problem right? I see guys in their 20's riding bikes layerd in chrome thinking their boss. I notice a big lack of caring from the general populace and I have come to guess it's just culture.
Now that isn't my culture and I don't want to be who I'm not, so I'm partially an outcast, by that I mean not really popular despite my best efforts.
I don't have any brothers or sisters, and live with my mom (she has a house and decent job so living good.)
I visited my relatives on the East coast (South Carolina), and suddenly, I had 'brothers' a complete family, & their friends had the same interests as I did! My main interests are Electronic music, paintball, cross country, and PC gaming.
Now what happens when I try to express my interests where I currently live (it's near San Diego). People just... don't get it.
"Techno, like that gay sh*t?" or, "Cross country isn't a real sport."
And so on and so on.
No when I take my interests to the East coast with my family. This is my cousin responding to me -> "Techno? here let me show you an awesome new artist!", "Yeah dude Cross Country is really big at my school" & paintball is really popular over their.
I met up with one of my cousins friends, guess what? He was playing HardStyle (like techno) and we went to go to cross country practice over summer break. I have a family, and friends with my interests over their.
It pains me every day that I think about it. I've had a taste of my perfect life as if only a "demo or trial run" and now reality sets in, where people think my sport in stupid and techno is "that gay music?" But my interests fuel a burning desire to achieve and work for a better me.
Every time I leave there house on the East Coast, I might actually cry a little bit. Now I'm straight and I really never cry but, this makes me.
My mom says "just enjoy it while your here"
But I just Cant. Its to perfect, I instantly felt like a circle trying to fit into a square fitting when I got back.
I apologise if I'm rambling but I'm a Sophmore in High School and I don't want the last 2 years of my high school life to be like this! I'd never forgive myself I'm so mad/sad just typing this. If you could relate or offer serious advice please tell me I really need it.
*edit*
Some more information on me, I am into programming and psychology. At my HS there is one psychology class, and It's almost over. I just fell so out of place, it kills me on the inside. I used to have 2 girlfriends (not at the same time
) But one moved away, and the other is kinda slutty.
My friends, well I had my two best friends, but both had to move away.
My best friend that moved, he called me, trying to hold back crying I could hear, and I was the first person he called, and said "It's been fun, huh buddy?" and I was just, crushed. The person I could open up to, we had the same interests, was gone forever. He now is living in Phoenix.
I had it all and lost it all.
Now I can't seem to get a GF, I just don't see the point in it all, there's no special girl that I have seen. I can't find any honest friends as well, the only guys that I see are liers that only look out for them self. I just want an honest friend.
People say I act more mature then my age, I don't party because I think its, not for me. I've just had a hard time getting people to call me, Its always me calling them. I fell that I am mature enough for a serious girl friend, and I just don't know how to do any of this.
I think I has aspergers syndrome also. This is the first time I have said that. It explains a lot of what I am going through, or mabie I am just incorrectly matching the two?
Thanks if you read all of this, it means a lot to me.
I am growing up at a "Border Town" so.... there is a lot of Mexican people where I live. Whats the problem right? I see guys in their 20's riding bikes layerd in chrome thinking their boss. I notice a big lack of caring from the general populace and I have come to guess it's just culture.
Now that isn't my culture and I don't want to be who I'm not, so I'm partially an outcast, by that I mean not really popular despite my best efforts.
I don't have any brothers or sisters, and live with my mom (she has a house and decent job so living good.)
I visited my relatives on the East coast (South Carolina), and suddenly, I had 'brothers' a complete family, & their friends had the same interests as I did! My main interests are Electronic music, paintball, cross country, and PC gaming.
Now what happens when I try to express my interests where I currently live (it's near San Diego). People just... don't get it.
"Techno, like that gay sh*t?" or, "Cross country isn't a real sport."
And so on and so on.
No when I take my interests to the East coast with my family. This is my cousin responding to me -> "Techno? here let me show you an awesome new artist!", "Yeah dude Cross Country is really big at my school" & paintball is really popular over their.
I met up with one of my cousins friends, guess what? He was playing HardStyle (like techno) and we went to go to cross country practice over summer break. I have a family, and friends with my interests over their.
It pains me every day that I think about it. I've had a taste of my perfect life as if only a "demo or trial run" and now reality sets in, where people think my sport in stupid and techno is "that gay music?" But my interests fuel a burning desire to achieve and work for a better me.
Every time I leave there house on the East Coast, I might actually cry a little bit. Now I'm straight and I really never cry but, this makes me.
My mom says "just enjoy it while your here"
But I just Cant. Its to perfect, I instantly felt like a circle trying to fit into a square fitting when I got back.
I apologise if I'm rambling but I'm a Sophmore in High School and I don't want the last 2 years of my high school life to be like this! I'd never forgive myself I'm so mad/sad just typing this. If you could relate or offer serious advice please tell me I really need it.
*edit*
Some more information on me, I am into programming and psychology. At my HS there is one psychology class, and It's almost over. I just fell so out of place, it kills me on the inside. I used to have 2 girlfriends (not at the same time
) But one moved away, and the other is kinda slutty.My friends, well I had my two best friends, but both had to move away.
My best friend that moved, he called me, trying to hold back crying I could hear, and I was the first person he called, and said "It's been fun, huh buddy?" and I was just, crushed. The person I could open up to, we had the same interests, was gone forever. He now is living in Phoenix.
I had it all and lost it all.
Now I can't seem to get a GF, I just don't see the point in it all, there's no special girl that I have seen. I can't find any honest friends as well, the only guys that I see are liers that only look out for them self. I just want an honest friend.
People say I act more mature then my age, I don't party because I think its, not for me. I've just had a hard time getting people to call me, Its always me calling them. I fell that I am mature enough for a serious girl friend, and I just don't know how to do any of this.
I think I has aspergers syndrome also. This is the first time I have said that. It explains a lot of what I am going through, or mabie I am just incorrectly matching the two?
Thanks if you read all of this, it means a lot to me.
