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Well, let's start with the basics...

I'm almost 18, I never had a girlfriend. I have 2-3 good friends with who I drink most of the time and listen to rap music. In the school, I have maybe one friend who is a girl and we go to cafe-bar after school most of the time. She's my only female friend. I like her but she has a boyfriend. I get a feeling that other people keep ignoring me. I know I get sometimes annoying and everything but that's only because I don't know how to act around another people. When I'm out with my friends and they're with some girls, those girls don't even notice me. When they're introducing to another girls, they ask everyone what's their name except me. I'm crosseyed, which really sucks most of the time, because it ruins my self-confidence. At home I live in a dis-functional family. Everyone keeps fighting and yelling at eachother. My father suffers from PTSD which he got from the war that was fought in my country almost 20 years ago. So I can't really rely on him at all. We're broke most of the time. At school I can barely get enough money to buy myself a pack of cigarettes or a sandwich. That brings me to another problem, I don't like smoking but I smoke a lot everyday. It helps me to cope with all the sh*t I've been through. Other people think I'm stupid, when in reality, I'm above-average smart. I mean, I need 20-30 minutes to learn something and get an A whilst others learn for hours for a D or C.I suffer from depression, which isn't diagnosed because I feel weird coming to the doctors office and telling that. Also, I don't want them to put me of Prozac or Xanax to deal with it. Let's face it, that's all they do most of the time. I can see what the pills did to my dad, I don't want to end up like that. I lost interest in a lot of things in life. Other's seem so happy, while I feel like a damn ghost, wandering on this world. This summer I fell in love to a girl. I really like her, we had a lot of in common. But she kept ignoring me after time. I still see her at school, and it hurts me so bad when I see her. Only things that are keeping me on this world are alcohol and cigarettes. I know it's bad and it'll kill me. But better that then cutting your wrists, isn't it? My life is just a general mess. My childhood was, mildly said, *****d up. I've been on a gunpoint couple of times, I've seen my dad hitting my mother most of the time. Most of my family were an alcoholic (grandparents and such). I just wish to be normal for a bit, to blend in, not to stick out. I want to be loved by someone, to have a girlfriend, to kiss one. To feel important on this world. If there weren't for the weekends and school, I would have killed myself a while ago. Sometimes I feel it would be the best to steal my dads pill and just OD myself and die...

I feel for you, I can't say I know what it feels like but I'm sure it's hard and it seems like you are coping a lot.
I'm sure life will get better for you at some point, although it's up to you when you want it to get better.

One thing i can suggest is, if your broke, don't waste money on cigarettes. It does nothing for you.

Do not take your own life.
Your life may not be the best right now, but you're only 18 man.
You have countless happy years ahead of you man.
Hope everything gets better.

Like stated above, When it all comes down to it...You are still young.
You have an entire life ahead of you. It's ok distance yourself from your father if you are uncomfortable.
You are legally of age to do as you wish, as in job wise, moving out etc...
Think positive & try to live life to the fullest, Don't dwell yourself in bad thoughts.
Because when it all comes down to it You are just young but old enough to do as you wish.

Smoking and Drinking will only get you part of the way - It's not a good way to fall back and rely on things like that. Also it will help with your money situation if you start to limit it, try water or only 1 or 2 drinks when you go out and maybe 3 smokes a day.

My friend was cross-eyed. People would look at him and stare, he'd keep walking as if no one noticed, I noticed the others around him and he said a few times - 'They're just people who don't understand' this was true, After a while I stopped caring about how others saw my friend, He was a friend and not an animal.

You just need to see others for their ignorance, They do not understand and you do. If people ignore you, ignore them back - If you want someone to talk to you, talk to them and if they ignore you then they are not worth your company. There is a saying 'Treat others as others treat you.' If you want someone to be nice and talk to you then you have to face them and if they are ignorant then still talk to them, if they continue then don't talk to them or let them know they are being ignorant and rude.

I know it might be hard at first but I've been there, and once you do it the first time it gets easier and easier. Here's another saying 'Try, try again' or 'Practice makes perfect' - Live by these three sayings and you may see you world get brighter.

Einstein said: 'If you cannot explain something simply enough, then you do not understand it at all'. If others cannot explain why they will not talk to you, then they do not understand anything but themselves. Change is new to most people, most want to stay the same even though change is a great leap in your life. If they do not want to change, let them ignore change and ignore you. This will boost your self-confidence, let people know you exist and help with your smoking habbits, a filthy habbit at that.

Hope this help,
Milopeach.

I was abused in all ways at school even sexually. I had a teacher hit me in the back and them grab my butt and say it was soft and felt good!!! she also did the same to my arms as well. I was only in 2nd grade!!!!!! my parents did NOTHING about it.

my parents emotionally abused me as well. they kept me pilled up and told me how worthless I was and never let me have anything. they made me see shrinks and stuff when i didn't need them and made me go on pills that nearly killed me 4 times.

I was beat up at school for just being Polish and then I had enough and had to become a bully to survive. all this happened all before age 16.

oh and to top it off I had a gramma that went and attacked my friends I had over and I lost 8 friends over her and it was the hardest thing ever to make the few freaking freinds I had. my gramma was commited a few times and stuff like that as well.

so you're not the only one.... and I feel for yah. ;-)

There is always Support Forums if you need any help guys! We're here for you!

I know what you mean by only having a few friends you hang out with, and being over seen like no one ever see you. I also smoke and drink pretty much. But most of the times when I feel bad I just listen to music to get over it, helps me a lot I don't know what I should have done if I didn't have music. My advice to you is ignore all the people who ignore you it's not your problem man, if they don't like you don't give a F*#¤ about it that's how I get over it.

My advice to the family problems

The best thing to do if you don't feel comfortable around you family, is to get a job and try to move out It will probably lighten up your life a lot to get away from some of your problems so you can focus on all the other problems you have.

Cheer up man, just don't do anything rash.