I am labeled a sexual predator. When I had just turned 18 I was arrested for possession of child porn. It was not mine.. I ran servers that I rented out and someone put it on there... but it was in my house. I went to prison 2 times to get off the probation for that charge. Then I met the sweetest girl in the world. There is no word to try to describe how amazing she is. I met her when I was 22 and she was 19. We were together for a year and I got arrested. Someone picked me out online and said I had flashed a girl walking to school even when I had a aliby.(on camera at work) they said they were going to use my previous charge against me to convince the jury. So I got scared and took probation. I lose my job in the mean time. I was with this girl for 5 years and then I get arrested for petty theft. I lied to her about several small things. But I was making money off the stuff I stole and never told her. I hurt her so bad and she can never trust me again. I goto prison for a year and am now out again. I see her everyday but she always tells me we can never be together again like we were before. She says she never really knew me with all the lies. I love her so much and it hurts so bad. So now you know the state my mind is in. I just found out I can't live 2500ft from amd park, daycare, school, bus stop, ect. That leaves no where to live! I just got out... can't find a job... my life is ruined forever! I have been having anxiety attacks like never before. I am hitting a whole new depression I have never felt before. I even have dreams of killing myself. And even if I do I believe society would be happier. Let me make it clear..... I don't like children in that way. Children are very sweet and funny... but no way do I think anything sexual about them. I know there will be people on here going crazy about this post... sorry. I just feel like.. maybe I can start over with a recarnation. I mean what other options do i have? Any thoughts or input would be greatly appreciated aslong as it isnt hate.
~will never have a normal life
All I can say is that you shouldn't ever get into any of those bad things again.
Try talking to the girl and show her that you changed for the better.
Don't think about killing yourself, you still have a life ahead of you.
I believe if you never do those things again and show that you've changed for the better, everything will get better in time.
If everything about the childporn you said was true, you could have proved it wasn't yours. Don't you keep logs?
(11-10-2011, 08:08 AM)iKraZee Wrote: [ -> ]If everything about the childporn you said was true, you could have proved it wasn't yours. Don't you keep logs?
They must have logs... it was a windows base shell that I sorted out for users.. I forgot the name seeing that it was over 10 years ago. Never being in trouble with the law and hired a attorney. I argued that I didn't put it there but they said because o/qpths of the law is possession it didn't matter. If I had ran the bussiness the legal was with contracts of the people stating they take responsiblity for the storage they are renting then I would have had a defense. But because of the circumstances my lawer told me to plea out to the court for mercy. However mercy I did not receive.
Wow man, You're in a pickle - Badluck with that whole child porn incident. You can always move to Alaska and do some hard work at some Logging Mill or something, That could always help.
Everything will be alright in the end. If its not alright it's not the end.
I follow that when I'm depressed and it helps and has been true so far.
I took well over 1400 mg of dxm.
I guess i thew it up.it is all over my floor
I am happy to be alive
But at these same time I don't want to be here
That sex offenders registry is insane. Now days you can be labeled as a 'predator' for indecent exposure, or two teenagers having sex with each other, or sending each other private pics. The US has gone freakin mad with this new obsession. The sad thing is that in almost all cases you are on it for life. You can't find a job, no one will hire you, and as you said you cannot find anywhere to live unless you move to the middle of nowhere. Then even if you do find a job good luck getting there while you live in the middle of nowhere. That's just the tip of the iceberg, but I don't want to make this a depressing rant, but it pisses me off how much the sex offenders registry is abused. Why don't murderers have to go on a registry? Burglars? Repeat drug dealers and users? Domestic partners who brutalize and abuse their spouse and family? Because the US is freakin crazy obsessed with sex and 'sex offenders'. I could go on for days.....
I think you should talk to the girl and tell her that you will come clean with whatever she wants to know, and be completely honest to her. Tell her how you feel, and ask if she would be willing to at least hear you out. To be honest though, I don't think there is much more that you can do besides that, you can't force her to change her mind. I've been struggling with wanting to end all lately, for some different reasons. So I can empathize with you in some ways. I think what you had to go through is absolute bullshit. I really hope things start to turn around for you man.
(11-09-2011, 08:21 PM)task Wrote: [ -> ]I am labeled a sexual predator. When I had just turned 18 I was arrested for possession of child porn. It was not mine.. I ran servers that I rented out and someone put it on there... but it was in my house. I went to prison 2 times to get off the probation for that charge. Then I met the sweetest girl in the world. There is no word to try to describe how amazing she is. I met her when I was 22 and she was 19. We were together for a year and I got arrested. Someone picked me out online and said I had flashed a girl walking to school even when I had a aliby.(on camera at work) they said they were going to use my previous charge against me to convince the jury. So I got scared and took probation. I lose my job in the mean time. I was with this girl for 5 years and then I get arrested for petty theft. I lied to her about several small things. But I was making money off the stuff I stole and never told her. I hurt her so bad and she can never trust me again. I goto prison for a year and am now out again. I see her everyday but she always tells me we can never be together again like we were before. She says she never really knew me with all the lies. I love her so much and it hurts so bad. So now you know the state my mind is in. I just found out I can't live 2500ft from amd park, daycare, school, bus stop, ect. That leaves no where to live! I just got out... can't find a job... my life is ruined forever! I have been having anxiety attacks like never before. I am hitting a whole new depression I have never felt before. I even have dreams of killing myself. And even if I do I believe society would be happier. Let me make it clear..... I don't like children in that way. Children are very sweet and funny... but no way do I think anything sexual about them. I know there will be people on here going crazy about this post... sorry. I just feel like.. maybe I can start over with a recarnation. I mean what other options do i have? Any thoughts or input would be greatly appreciated aslong as it isnt hate.
~will never have a normal life
Your life will be as good as you make it. Unfortunately people like to judge other people based on their past. So even if you did do it there was a chance you could have changed and they never would have even cared. I can honestly say you never should have lied to her, you never know what person in your life is going to help you change everything. She's right with what she said you know. But your life is what you will make it. You can still be productive, and there are plenty of places you can work without being by a park/school/etc. Even though that's with you right now, and you think your life is ruined it really isn't. You can still make something out of it, you'll just have to work a little bit harder. Other options: work harder, and I know this may sound completely insane but you still have to smile. I know it'll be hard at first but your life means something more than just what you've been through. So prove everyone wrong, show everyone that despite all of this you can still be successful. Better yet prove to the girl that you can really change. Talk to her, be honest with her, and tell her you're trying to change. Tell her you will be changing. See if she can be patient with you. You really got into some things that you now regret, so stop dwelling on the past and focus on the present, focus on the things you can do to make people see you in a new light. Make them see that you've changed and you deserve every job they can throw at you because in the end that's all you can do. No need to focus on people that don't matter in your life. They're just people who will be passing through but when you catch the ones that stay those are the ones you need to hold onto. Suicide, you'd just be giving them what they want. Don't - become the best you can be from this moment on. And when they look and see how much you've changed and how successful you've gotten, smile at them. Tell them good day. Let them be what motivates you to want to do better and to do better.
I just wanted to say thank you to the people that posted. I was really down and right there... thank you for all your insight and the time you took to write to me on here. It did help out alot. I am pushing through the struggle one day at a time. Today was a really great day, I am now off parole and now have much more freedom. I also spend more time with the love of my life even though she is just my friend and were not together. I rather have that then nothing at all, because at the end of the day she is what matters to me. Its still going to be hard with the whole job thing but one step at a time seems to do the trick for right now. And again thank you everyone that read this and had some thought or input to this.