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and really i just need to tell someone

(this is all the factors imo that i think have contruibuted)
Basically i've just stared Universty (i don't think this is a contributing factor) which is fun i'm "happy" being away from my parents. So i've just had freshers week got smashed and ended up texting a girl that i love her (i've had like a crush on her for ages), come next morning i get a text saying did you have a party last night, continue on yeah sorry, have a short convo with her and just before she goes i say that i ment it. she asked how can i when i hardly know her, i replied that i knew you very well we used to stay up till like 2 chatting during my exam period about things we like what we do and just having a laugh. She says we'll go back to that when she gets better (she seems to tire really easilly) and that she feels she can come to me with anything. Not talked for a week i've tried to start convos but fudge all happens.

Now a few days a go for some reason i got thinking about my life, not really what i've left behind but more everything i've missed. my ability to interact socially is piss poor (i used to love solitured so i never really learnt how to interact, i'm getting tired of solitured now) as you would expect this has ment i have no friends in university, Heck if i wasn't thrown together in a house with some people i would have a total of 0 friends. My sex life is, to be blunt, "hello right hand" and nothing more. I havn't had a meaningful relationship, the last relationship i was in was me just thinking why did i do this (i had acceptance issus back then, still do really)

I though to my self
I'm a clever and very visual person but what use is being clever if i can't interact with society get myself out there.

at this point i started to just sit there on my bed as the walls effectivly spread out to cover a vast area so i was basically just feeling along and cried thinking about how crap everything is I can't interact with society, I can't find someone who loves me, I don't have a clue whats going do with formentioned person as i can't talk to her because she wont answer.

scarily, i'm not going to lie, thoughs of suicide have crossed my mind however they get shot down quickly i still have the sence to dismiss them thinking along the lines of "what would my family do if i just left?"

I know there is no really question or anything there, but i just needed to tell someone, and get it out there.

Starting University and being away from Family are big changes in your stability. Seems to me you need some emotional and professional support to help you through this transitioning period.
A lot of my class in 1st year went to see the University Counselors who offer just that. It can be a great help just to sit down and talk to someone who will listen for an hour.
Also there are usually a lot of groups to join in University, meet ups to suit your interests this can be a great way to relax have fun and meet new people who share your interests?

And finally Like a lot of people its seem to me you need to explore loving yourself more and healing your own wounds before looking to find love with others?

Most importantly remember your not alone, its common to be facing these feelings emotional pains. Dont feel you have to go it alone and put a brave face on , you can be assured your University is filled with people all going through different stuff and teenage angst.

Glad I could listen. Go by this quote for a week and tell me how you do
"Love doesn't come from an internet site or through a matchmaker. You meet it unexpectedly in a grocery isle or at a lecture."

Forcing somebody to love you is like telling water to be dry, it's not possible sometimes, unless you drink it all then wipe the rest of the drips! I say just if it gets too bad, if the university is local then move with your family again, it'll help! If not then try getting a roommate you like if you don't have one!!

try making friends little by little. Don't look down when you're walking because it makes you look like a loner. Try to find other loners and try talking to them. Smell nice and stuff. Anyways try talking to people little by little. You're not going to make 1000 friends in 1 day. If you can't make eye contact with a person, try looking at their nose. It looks like you're looking at their eye if you're close enough to them. Try joining clubs too. Maybe you'll find someone with same interest as you

i have a good ability at diabolo so i have joined the juggling society, but even having joined and been to meatsings, because i fail at interaction i still feel like an outsider, maybe tomorrows even might help.

Well do you have school tomorrow because of the holidays? I don't, but I'm reading Torah tomorrow at services anyways