There has been way too much drama going on with my life recently. I can't help but realize it is affecting me in a way. I wasn't like this before, before nothing could get through me, I didn't care what others thought, I couldn't feel anything and most of all I barely had any feelings for others. I am no longer like that. I am now affected by minuscule things.
I have kept my hacking intentions hidden since the summer of '09, but I cannot hide it much longer. I thrive on ruining peoples lives, attacking them where they have the least knowledge makes me feel better, having them shocked and not knowing what happened to them makes me happy. I make friends now in order to back stab them later. As school days passes I learn more of my "friends" and I learn what can get through them. I don't know how much longer I can keep these precious victims unhurt. It's not the same if I attack those who I do not know, I cannot fully grasp their reactions as I do not know what they look like, who they are and/or what their personalities are like.
The reason I introduced my hacking intentions because I feel like this is the perfect time to strike, but I am reluctant. Should this Halloween day be the day where all of my "friends" are attacked or should I wait longer?
If you chose the latter tell me how I can stop giving a crap.
Do it when ever, i suggest doing something secretive. Like an istealer. Then taking all there passwords and going into everything and deleting all there crap. That's what i do.
I think you need professional counseling. There must be something deeper going on here. It's not normal the behavior you are describing and it's outright criminal in nature.
IMHO you are describing self-destructive behavior. While you might believe you are victimizing others in reality you are targetting yourself. If you're exposed, and eventually you will be, then it's your life that will have dire consequences.
So I will suggest you try to talk to a professional. Maybe your school counselor can help you sort out why you do these things.
(10-24-2009, 02:02 PM)ktmrider530 Wrote: [ -> ]Do it when ever, i suggest doing something secretive. Like an istealer. Then taking all there passwords and going into everything and deleting all there crap. That's what i do.
I think it would be best if we didn't encourage him. It's clear that he needs help and if we filled his mind with different ways of doing it, he won't even think about other alternatives.
n4q, what Omniscient has said is definitely something you should take into consideration. It will help you out in the long run.
(10-24-2009, 02:18 PM)Skill Wrote: [ -> ]I think it would be best if we didn't encourage him. It's clear that he needs help and if we filled his mind with different ways of doing it, he won't even think about other alternatives.
n4q, what Omniscient has said is definitely something you should take into consideration. It will help you out in the long run.
Sorry, man asked for help i was just giving it my best.
Is there a place where I can get help while being truly anonymous? I would not like to alert my family members or anyone I know.
ktmrider530, there's no need to apologise to me
I just think if we filled his mind with other alternatives he would get these demonic thoughts out of his head and could possibly find a solution to his problem.
Sorry to hear this n4q. I don't know how to assist you, but I seem to be able to communicate well through poetry so I will give you a piece on the matter.
As the ideas of hellish influence shroud my mind
I am dazed
They drain the life from my heart
Ripping out the moral blood from my conscience,
Until I am dry,
Cold,
And lifeless.
I have no remorse for the ones I hurt,
Yet the only remorse I feel is for the lack of evil pleasure permeating from my hands, mind, and soul.
Making my spine tingle with twisted delight,
As I stalk the innocent and prowl there every step,
Then with a meditated and meticulously accurate attack,
I efficiently feast on him with starving passion.
I drool the blood of innocence.
Yet when I turn to gray,
And my bones whither,
I look unto myself;
I see my eyes,
Those windows of treachery,
A passion far beyond the normal.
And then for a fleeting moment,
I see myself as I am;
Frail and monstrous,
Then I realize I am a monster.
A hideous beast.
I begin to weep with tears of anguish,
Which soon turned to anger,
Then to rage.
It felt good.
The venomous vile surging through my veins again,
That twisted pleasure curling my features with hellish countenance.
But,
A voice said unto me,
"You are a nobody,"
"Look what you are!"
"If only there was someway to make the world a little better."
"If only there was a way to rid it of you."
And with a gnarled laughter vanquished to the steady pulsing of my own ears.
I gazed at the razor in a lustful trance,
As I reached for it. . .
Wow, you guys are really serous about this. What if he is faking it? I mean when I read through this I was kinda laughing, I mean really laughing at how people take it. Saying he needs professional help? If I was in this situation, it's always good to keep it bottled up, I mean that's how America's society is right? Anyways, besides that... I don't recommend professional help, because sometimes that can make you even more pissed and emotionally fudged up. I recommend talking it over with a parent, friend, or sibling. Just get some help, if you're serous about this.
(10-25-2009, 10:01 PM)jhfire Wrote: [ -> ]Wow, you guys are really serous about this. What if he is faking it? I mean when I read through this I was kinda laughing, I mean really laughing at how people take it. Saying he needs professional help? If I was in this situation, it's always good to keep it bottled up, I mean that's how America's society is right? Anyways, besides that... I don't recommend professional help, because sometimes that can make you even more pissed and emotionally fudged up. I recommend talking it over with a parent, friend, or sibling. Just get some help, if you're serous about this.
Well I do agree that "professional help" can only get you so far. I had seen a psychiatrist, and still do, but they can only assist in a stand-offish perspective. But with someone you love; you can release every emotion and thought without legal/moral condemnation, assuming that you have a quality family.