Hey friends, this is gonna be a little long, but please read it through and answer me...I need help!!!!!
I have this professor at college. A little detail------ he's in his early 40's, and an obnoxious *******. On one hand, he's an academic genius, extremely knowledgeable on his subject. His style of teaching can keep people on the edge, even whilst discussing the most boring portions. He's, to put in in a sentence----ABSOLUTELY GREAT WITH HIS SUBJECT.
However, on the other hand, he's got a severe attitude problem. As in, he sometimes makes sweeping offensive, even downright heartless comments. For example, he believes that education should be the sole prerogative of Elites, or that Blind students don't deserve special favour. Etc etc...you get the idea. On one hand, he's very charismatic, and on the other, a downright "*******" who doesn't seem to realize how offensive he really is being to others. He tends to have unrealistically high expectations from students while writing an answer, and also grades his favourites higher than he normally would otherwise.
He also, albeit subtlely, tries to imply that he is the best teacher ever and all other teachers on the subject are inferior or less knowledgeable.
So, coming to my real area of concern:
It so happened that. we (all the students of our class) had presented a list of carefully-written complaints against him to the Dean...following which it was agreed that he won't be allowed to evaluate our final sem papers. At the same time, we'd brought in a host of other charges against him........owing to which there was an enquiry commission againt him. We were all happy, and relieved.
However, I gradually started to feel a sort of strange affinity towards him. Like, his behavior had always replleed me' but I now started to get CURIOUS about him. Like, I started pondering more on his behaviour and what could be the cause for them...could he be lonely because he had no children? Or maybe his harsh demeneour stemmed from the fact that being born and raised in a family of rich bureaucrats, and having studied in aristocratic institutions had never really taught him to be compassionate about people from less fortunate backgrounds? This curiosity and thoughts started to increase, to the point where I became almost fascinated with him. Like, I enjoyed talking about him with friends, or fantasized about him, sometimes even sexually. I wondered what it would be like to get to know him as a person; and started taking tips on how to impress professors. I couldn't define this feeling----on one hand, I found his overbearingly "agressive, macho" nature repellent, on the other hand, I had become sort of obsessed with him.
And now, when our next semester is about to start, I just learned that we don't have any classes with him this time. This is deeply frustrating me to the point of getting edgy. I spend hours looking him up on the internet, reading upbooks and journals by him from libraries even though I don't understand them, and always stop to sneak a peek at him whenever he's around. I'm even developing stalkerish tendencies too, I feel.
Yesterday I committed the biggest blunder of my life here......
It so happened that I was totally engrossed in thinking about him and decided to do something which I'm now feeling so ashamed of. I switched on the "call divert" mode in my cell, and diverted my calls to HIS number. Then, after a while, I switched it off. But soon afterwards, like after 30 minutes later, I got a call from a classmate of mine who's particularly close to him. He said that my professor had called him up to notify his utter displeasure over the fact that people were calling HIM up and asking for ME! He said that he also intended to take steps against me, which, after a little coaxing by my classmate, he's dropped. I feel like crap now!!!!!
I so wanted to be in his good books, build a cordial relationship with him. and now that's gone forever. No way I can face him again at College.
I feel terrible....and he'd also added to my friend that he, "never wanted to see or hear from ANYONE in our class ever again", due to the fact that we'd reported him. That made me feel even worse.
Since yesterday, I'm in a terrible mood, and feel a stone in my stomach. I also fear I may be slipping into depression if I don't address this soon enough.
Thank you.
I'm assuming you're a female. I've got a few questions, some for you to consider:
1) How old are you in comparison to this guy?
2) If he's 40, is he not married by now? (kids, wife and all that)
3) Why do you want to keep this going further with any kind of friendly relationship? He's just your professor, understandably that you can't change your feelings for him, but what would be the result of that?
- You might not end up going any farther than friendship so to keep a friendship and knowing that could make things worse
I don't see much going anywhere with this guy and you to be 100% honest. You need honesty, if someone was to lie to you about this right now... How would that be helping you out? Even if it's something you might not want to hear, it's better than holding onto a false hope of something off base if I was to give you something "wrong" but something that you wanted to hear.
You're going to end up with another guy your age most probably somewhere in your lifetime anyway. (More likely)
It sounds like you want maturity, and someone who isn't a complete representation of the more unintelligent group of people in society. That comes with age for
most people, but i'm sure you'll find someone else that you can relate to on a greater level (around the same age as you).
Btw, excuse me if I missed anything, it took me a while to get through, and I'm not really 100% awake right now. Been a long night for me and I just got up lol. Good detail though, I'll try my best to clear something up for you if no one else takes the time to advise you. I'm sure others will respond though, this is usually a very supportive forum for this kind of thing.
I got to get you out of the dream,
It's a teacher, which would mean you'd have to leave your school if you started something with this guy. Are you willing to loose that for some teacher you find attractive. Think of the consequences this adventure will have. If you can seduce this teacher what then, have sex with hem and start a relationship? This can't work.
I would stick to collage boys, and don't get into something like this.
Hello Ace, thanks for your reply. I KNOW that it's an obsession, but that's doing nothing to change my feelings for him. Its almost like I find it a "challenge" to find out why he's like what it is, and therefore I feel an obsessive urge to be close to him ,or "befriend" him. You're correct, it'll probably not go any further than that (friendship), but now with the Phone thing (read last paragraph) I've lost all chances of being in even a FRIENDLY relationship with him. And that's what is bogging me down at the moment.
Oh btw, If I may add, I'm 20.
And yes, he's married, but with no kids.
20, still fairly young there. I'm not a really old wise guy, but I can say that I do know a bit about this kind of stuff. I'm currently 29, but I know i've been close with a few others that I couldn't go for, for various reasons too.
To say that you've lost all chances would only be telling yourself a lie. I don't blame you for that though, as usually when people screw up they assume the worst without thinking of any possibilities. If you feel that he's actually mad at you, or that he's just come to a misunderstanding, then maybe go make an apology by giving him some chocolates or something. It's a friendly act, and it gives you an excuse to talk to him on a friendlier level too. Even if it's just for 5-10 mins.
I'm not sure if you're thinking about telling him the way you really feel here, and I haven't considered that part yet, i'm only giving you advice working with the basics here first. Right now you feel that you've lost all chances. I'm not going to say it's right to keep trying, or that it's wrong, but I'm saying that you didn't lose all your chances.
I will say that there are probably/most likely more suited people out there for you. You just need to find that someone.
Try and report him to a higher up person
At the school board of your college or
Try to confront him after one class and tell him
Why you are upset ? Just some ideas
(07-30-2011, 11:42 PM)prime Wrote: [ -> ]Try and report him to a higher up person
At the school board of your college or
Try to confront him after one class and tell him
Why you are upset ? Just some ideas
Take the time to read the initial post before spamming on the feather here. I don't believe you understand what her issues are in which she's seeking help for.
PS: More than the crush, I'm more concerned about my self-image. What if he suspects something and/or thinks me as clingy and needy? I'm so ashamed. :cry:
A little more information here:
As I understand, my infatuation stems from a curiosity.I feel an indomitable urge to understand him and his negative behaviours in class. On one hand, he's all that (judgmental, egoistic, unfair etc) and on the other, charismatic and genius-like. I want, as I understand, to find out what causes him to behave negatively like that. I'd spent time lazily pondering over the contradictions, and for some reason become "fascinated" with them. Like, it had almost become a "challenge" for me to go and figure him out. This was the main root of my obsession which gradually turned into a crush. I know that nothing is possible between him and me, but I AT-LEAST wanted to strike up a warm, cordial relationship with him. And that's what is paining me the most. Like, I was planning to go up to him and ask him to explain certain topics on my course, but now I cannot do that any more. I cannot show my face to him anymore.What did he think of me??