06-07-2011, 09:51 PM
Sometimes when you get used to keep it all to yourself, later you forget how to speak out. You become shy but you smile to everybody, and even though the smile is not totally fake, it isn't completely real either. You feel alone and tell yourself it is better that way, just stay on safe side so that you won't get hurt. But then you think again and you realize it is all an excuse and another way of saying "I'm scared"
You want to runaway as far as you can, and when you finally decide to do it, you feel like a coward leaving all the people you love by themselves, only because you’re not strong enough to endure with them… and then you think that you haven’t done anything to solve the problem. But then again, what can you do about it? Is it even in your power to solve all what is so messed up by other people; a problem that you didn’t cause but that it affects you so much to the point of making you feel miserable? What the heck are you supposed to do when you are in a jail that others placed you in, and from which breaking free means letting others down?
Problems from the past haunt you, and problems from the present won’t let you move forward, they hit you and they hold you back. You wish that you would fight, that is what you must do, but you feel so tired and so alone, trying to fight again and again without someone cheering for you or telling you that everything is gonna be alright. At end you just wonder if it’s worth fighting, and you know the answer: YES! But it is tiresome and lonesome so you just choose to not know the answer and just sit in your “comfortable” jail and keep pretending to smile and see the good things you can find, and then cry alone in the night to let it all out, and then do the same the next and next and the next day.
Maybe my problems are not as big as other people, and they may think a have no right to feel this way since it isn’t so big, but I swear I can’t help it, this depression won’t let me go.
My wish today is to feel happiness again, like when I was a little innocent child, that when I talk of feeling blessed and happy, it doesn’t just come from my mouth but also from my heart.
Thanks to all the people who took the time to read this.
p.s: sorry if there is any grammar errors
You want to runaway as far as you can, and when you finally decide to do it, you feel like a coward leaving all the people you love by themselves, only because you’re not strong enough to endure with them… and then you think that you haven’t done anything to solve the problem. But then again, what can you do about it? Is it even in your power to solve all what is so messed up by other people; a problem that you didn’t cause but that it affects you so much to the point of making you feel miserable? What the heck are you supposed to do when you are in a jail that others placed you in, and from which breaking free means letting others down?
Problems from the past haunt you, and problems from the present won’t let you move forward, they hit you and they hold you back. You wish that you would fight, that is what you must do, but you feel so tired and so alone, trying to fight again and again without someone cheering for you or telling you that everything is gonna be alright. At end you just wonder if it’s worth fighting, and you know the answer: YES! But it is tiresome and lonesome so you just choose to not know the answer and just sit in your “comfortable” jail and keep pretending to smile and see the good things you can find, and then cry alone in the night to let it all out, and then do the same the next and next and the next day.
Maybe my problems are not as big as other people, and they may think a have no right to feel this way since it isn’t so big, but I swear I can’t help it, this depression won’t let me go.
My wish today is to feel happiness again, like when I was a little innocent child, that when I talk of feeling blessed and happy, it doesn’t just come from my mouth but also from my heart.
Thanks to all the people who took the time to read this.
p.s: sorry if there is any grammar errors