There was this guy. He was odd and quite upfront. I liked his confidence and he then started to state how attractive he found me. He was quite open with his feelings and after a chat he agreed to be friends and I asked him to stop as he made me feel like uncomfortable with his fantasies. We agreed to be friends and care for one another, easy for me to do as it is my nature. Then he was going through something and I offcourse showed my support by emailing and texting him. he would not respond and as a result I emailed more and cutting a long story short, he turns around like I have an issue with him, harassing him even and wants nothing to do with. We have to work together so this makes it very hard. I do not get what has happened and I certainly do not know what to do to not feel hurt by all this. My response was to leave me alone and I hate how things have evolved. if anyone can explain what I can do to help me, and to explain what the hell happened here then I be grateful. Am alone here in a new country and I have to come to terms with the fact that this new friendship is over and was never going to work. hard for me since I really could do with some good friends. Teary eyed and feeling all alone.
Alright so let me get this straight.
You came to a new country and one of your co-workers was or still is attracted to you. He attempted to build a relationship with you but you declined and asked to be friends. You both agreed on being friends and as soon as he ran into a problem with his life he cut communications with you and you tried to help. He ignored but you stayed persistent and continued to try and contact him. Now he wants nothing to do with you?
There are a few things that could have happened. First of them is that all he wanted was a hookup. You didn't tell me how long you two have been "friends" so I'm not sure how plausible this is. Either way, this could be it. As soon as he realized that he wasn't getting anywhere with you he didn't want to bother being just friends since that was not his original intention.
There is a possibility that he still has feelings for you and because there won't be a relationship he just wants to avoid you to make it easier on himself. So he can get over you.
How many emails did you send? How long were you trying to contact him and how often?
Buddy, didn't you post this already.
Ask him, what is his problem and report back.
Well, this sounds emotionally stressful.
Maybe you could post what you sent to him before he said he doesn't want to talk to you?
Hi guys,
thanks for the posts. I sent him an email today after stewing about this all as yeah, it has been very emotionally stressful. I just wanted to call it truce and said consider this my last email to clear up any misunderstandings. I basivally told him that my intention was to just be supportive and it is a shame that things have evolved like this.
i was a bit nervous to send it as he said to not contact him. But I felt it is in my nature to at least not end things on a bad note and especially wrong impression (taking the bigger boat).
Surprisingly, he emailed back saying that he really thinks i am nice person and that he wants to be friends. He asked that we civil and I agreed to that. AGAIN - i think i am being bloody manipulated despite feeling now really happy about this outcome. To have someone that afftects your mood like this is something that concerns me. What the hell is wrong with me and why am I allowing my emotions to get the better of me? I think I am too kind and maybe after a day this guy started to miss me again. I am just waiting for a 360 degree turnaround on this. i got another post stating that he could be emotionally unstable and to put my guards up. I have decided that i will not contact him. he is welcome too. Got to do this rather than just say it.
Well, if there is any advice on what he is playing at and how i can protect me then i will appreciate trying it. For some reason this person opens my heart for him and to be taken advantage of is probably inevitable. I like him, but i have not liked the way he has made me feel. it seems he speaks before thinking and he is having difficulties with whatever he emotions he has for me.
I do not want to be sucked in again....This site is awesome and it is cool to receive this support. Thanks everyone.
Well the way I see it. Both of you like each other. You like him but he's trying to rush things and get into your pants. So you back off. Now he's facing rejection and is avoiding you.
Now that you've made up he will try again and maybe take things slower this time if he is capable of that.
thanks. i guess i have grown to like him and i am confused with my emotions. can i trust that he just isn't nice to me for a one night stand? i find that i think of him often and i don't have much else in my life like he has (2 kids and work). i like to think that he thinks of me and that i can trust his words which he sent yesterday of really thinking i am a nice person. is that the same as him saying he really likes me? it seems there has been some game of tug and war and i find it hard now to step back. Maybe distance will give me some clarity on the situation. It is amazing to feel strongly for 2 people. One i am with for 11yrs and the other i just met 5 weeks ago but has come in like a tornado. i am really unsure how to interpret my emotions and handle them when i see him. right now, i wish to not have asked him to not grow any feelings for me and to not kiss me. I said this to be faithful but i feel feeling these emotions is being unfaithful. what should i do? I really do not want to mess things up with both these nice guys. But i am unsure if the guy in my class is being genuine and not manipulating me again.
(03-17-2011, 12:27 AM)monique12345 Wrote: [ -> ]thanks. i guess i have grown to like him and i am confused with my emotions. can i trust that he just isn't nice to me for a one night stand? i find that i think of him often and i don't have much else in my life like he has (2 kids and work). i like to think that he thinks of me and that i can trust his words which he sent yesterday of really thinking i am a nice person. is that the same as him saying he really likes me? it seems there has been some game of tug and war and i find it hard now to step back. Maybe distance will give me some clarity on the situation. It is amazing to feel strongly for 2 people. One i am with for 11yrs and the other i just met 5 weeks ago but has come in like a tornado. i am really unsure how to interpret my emotions and handle them when i see him. right now, i wish to not have asked him to not grow any feelings for me and to not kiss me. I said this to be faithful but i feel feeling these emotions is being unfaithful. what should i do? I really do not want to mess things up with both these nice guys. But i am unsure if the guy in my class is being genuine and not manipulating me again.
If you're willing to throw away 11yrs for one guy then you should really slow down. Like snail paced. Analyze what is going on completely and yes it is okay to feel that way it's not being unfaithful. Just be careful in whatever you do.
(03-17-2011, 12:39 AM)SleepyTroll Wrote: [ -> ]If you're willing to throw away 11yrs for one guy then you should really slow down. Like snail paced. Analyze what is going on completely and yes it is okay to feel that way it's not being unfaithful. Just be careful in whatever you do.
^ This.
That's not exactly a redeeming quality in a person
as far as relationships go.