Support Forums

Full Version: Breaking up for the second and last time
You're currently viewing a stripped down version of our content. View the full version with proper formatting.
Pages: 1 2
Hi- I'm new here. My story in short is that I dated my last boyfriend twice... and he is my first boyfriend. The first time we dated was six months and he dumped me for horrible reasons (said he regretted it and biggest mistake he ever made) and he stayed separated six months then dated again only a few weeks short of a year. We broke up Monday. We are both juniors in college.

I'm kind of confused by how I feel about our relationship ending again. I go from feeling relieved and missing him. It's only been two days and I feel completely different than what I did the first time we broke up. Our relationship had many issues and in some cases he was emotionally abusive towards me and had control issues. But I loved him... I don't know why I even stayed for so long.. I wanted it to work.

I found out as we were breaking up that he had intentionally started fights with me.. I was always led to believe that I always had the problem. When he told me this... I didn't realize it. I only realized it until the next day. He treated me terribly.. he never called nor texted. I had to invite him over and myself to his place. However, he was always there for me.. unless we had a fight. Then he'd tell me I was overreacting and not listen to me. It still makes me sad... and makes me tear up thinking about how I was treated.

But I miss him sometimes. I miss him most when I wake up and realize that he didn't cuddle or kiss me last night or as I wake up.

He had good traits, but they were always overshadowed by the bad. Towards the end, we fought about once a week. I wasn't happy most of the time. He just acted like he didn't know any better.. . but now after the fact, he did.

When we broke up, it wasn't pretty. He cried and when I said that he didn't care for me he said, "Don't you dare say that." And would cry harder. He said he loved me and he was sorry. He kept trying to hold me like his girlfriend and it only upset me further. I told him he can't hold me like that anymore. He said, "Do you think I like seeing that I hurt you like this?"

But all that is unimportant... I just am in this weird stage right now. I feel like crying.. but it doesn't come. I miss him and then I think about what happened and how I should have ended it long ago... everyone says I need to grieve but... I don't know if I'm even doing it.

He kept all my pictures on his facebook.. he won't take them off. I don't know why. I removed my pictures and eventually deactivated my facebook for the time being. When I'm ready I'll put it back up. I did the whole 'delete your ex' thing and I don't think its necessary this time around. I just need to get rid of it for me. Why does he keep our pictures?

And that's it. I have more to write but... I think I've written enough for now. Any advice would be helpful.
Also wanted to add.. that he did try hard for me... sometimes. I'm in this weird place where I know he tried but then he didn't try. It was on and off. He cared but sometimes I couldn't help but question it. He was good to me.. but then he was bad. After all of this, I don't know what he was to me. I don't know what to think...
Your relationship pretty much seems like got the stage, where you not loved each other, but were together cuz you were used to. At least I have had that stage in my relationships. You were just used to be together, that is what caused all these fights. I guess it would be better to move on as life goes on. Hang with your friends and think about something else. I won't say you need to forget him as that would be stupid, but just for now, think about other staff. Staff that is important for you, like school.

Also that no emotion state, where you want to cry, but the tears just don't come and you pretty much feel nothing.
Iv had that too, its pretty bad to be in that state.

Hope it goes best and you still keep us updated with your situation.
Quote:he was emotionally abusive towards me and had control issues.
If he was abusive, stay away.

Abuse doesn't stop, it continues, and can change to Physical abuse.

It seems like each of you were not in love, you were just together because you thought you should.

It was what you were used to.
I think our relationship just fizzled out. We do love each other though, but we both knew it wasn't working... he would say insensitive things or I would just start crying about stuff. I felt underappreciated and he just didn't meet my equal. I think he stopped trying... I never did stop trying for him.. but it got old these few days.

I have cried once today and I felt better. I am just so tired all day. It's hard to cry because I'm sick.. I have sinusitis and every time I want to cry it hurts and then I start coughing uncontrollably. Crying only causes me physical pain and I have to put that off.

I am focusing on school. I took a day to just not do anything.. I couldn't really do anything. Now I just want to lay around and sleep and think... friends are helping out a lot. It's just I invested 2 years in this guy (we were friends when we weren't dating). And I'm just kind of depressed by it sometimes.

And no I don't want to forget him. I do intend on staying friends. Just not for a little while... I need space to detach from him and get back to what's important. It's going to be hard though. I just feel tired/blank/sad. I don't know what to do without him.. he was so important to me, y'know? *sigh* Sad
(03-09-2011, 04:11 PM)Wiggles Wrote: [ -> ]It seems like each of you were not in love, you were just together because you thought you should.

I was definitely in love with him and he was with me. I do agree though that we just ended up not being good for each other.. we had our time and it just wasn't happening.

When we broke up.. I honestly was a little scared of him at one point. I didn't know what would happen... I am so upset...
Doing better today. I'm definitely feeling today that I think I was in the relationship purely because it was relationship. I do love him.. but it fizzled out about 5-6 weeks ago.

What happened was I had lost my ID-- and then was stolen. My ex works as a bouncer and someone came in trying to use it as a fake and he gave it back to the girl, even saying "This is my gf." He never thought it was a big deal and it had ruined our relationship I think. He didn't understand why that was a big deal to me. When I lost it, I was very upset. Then to know he did that too and didn't understand why, upset me further. After that, I just couldn't forget it. He never understood why anything upset me period. He only would understand weeks later if I brought it up, clearly still bothered. Why did I stick around?

I feel like I have taken a load off of my shoulders today. I feel like I don't have to worry anymore. I don't have to worry about him responding to me or if he'll come and see me. It's kind of nice. I hope this lasts for a while.
If it was an abusive releationship, count your blessing. While there is no doubt in my mind that he may have cared for you, if he was emotionally or physically abusive then nothings worth that. What you're going through is normal. Everyone goes through a grieving period where they miss the company. I'm sure you'll be able to find another guy to date. Take the time you need, and open up to friends. Keeping feelings or thoughts locked inside will only cause more pain.
1st rachel, could you post some pics? :3
2nd, I know it may be hard, but think like this: It's for your best. There are a fuckton of men around, I'm 100% sure you'll find one that will make you eternaly happy :3
I'm def not keeping stuff in... I'm just kind of... going through the "I miss him" then turning into "God what a a$$hole" to "I miss him" to "What's wrong with me missing him. I want nothing to do with him!" And back and forth. I do have friends and fam to talk to.... It's just I didn't last on the sad for long.. not used to that. We dated a total of almost a year and a half and I only felt sad for about 2-3 days... now I'm just going back and forth b/w the missing and the anger. I dunno-- I had realized he wasn't the one a few months ago and then I would think of breaking up every now and again.

I guess what's hard is that I wasn't mentally prepared for doing the mutual breakup.. though i wanted to.. I wasn't ready at that time. I mean, considering I had 3 midterms that week and was pretty sick with bronchitis and sinus infection.

Towards the end he didn't believe me when I would apologize for something. I asked him, "Do you think I'm being superficial?" and he'd say yes and I say sorry just to end an argument. :'( He would never change for me... he can only change for himself. And I can only move on and know exactly what I DON'T want in a guy. Still rough though.
You did the right thing. It seems like you guys are more close friends than in a relationship.
It feels like we are closer as friends rather than a couple for sure. I mean, I can't believe how I'm feeling these days after it ended...

I just wonder now how much time I should take to make sure that I don't go into that tornado again. I honestly think that he felt more "in the relationship" than I did... I feel like I shouldn't write because of how he might feel. I know that he was maybe more in love than I was. Like I said, I was feeling out of the loop for a few months.

As we broke up, idk if I've written this, but I feel like he really didn't want to end it. We had a little while section where he was just kind of... reconsidering. I felt that he didn't want it to end, but was doing it for me... and it's just as well. But I don't think he's going to get over it for a while. I feel almost like I broke up with him in the way that I worry about when I can write him!

He carries around emotional baggage (as a matter of fact he was stuck on an ex for almost 6-7 years.. until I came along.) So I feel like he's going to be stuck on me for years... and that bothers me. I have a feeling he kept our photo frame up and he kept pics I gave him and looks at them. He told me he'd never get rid of one item I got him... he said no matter what would happen he would never get rid of it...
Pages: 1 2