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Hello everyone. First I'm going to give some background about me and then my problem, as in my opinion the problem actually comes from my background.

By background I'm referring to my life before I decided to change and go for every dream and though I have, some more private information I prefer not to tell such as, where I was born, where I live now, and so on, but to start off with when I was 14 my parents decided to move to a different country, and right now I'm 17. I'm a college student(my first year), met some new friends and I'm a still virgin.

Well, all my life the brutality of my dad's decisions and thoughts changed my perspective of life and reality, which lead me to become extremely obsessed with computers and new technologies, while I was losing the most exciting and beautiful time of my life. I had this natural libel thought of making someone proud of me overthrowing making me feel and expand MY own creative childish thoughts away and vanishing like the moon does when the sun appears, and so I started at a very early age pushing myself as hard towards the top, but never managed to make it right, and why? Because I wasn't doing it for me, for my own enjoyment and own pleasure, and the more you try the more you fail, the more you want the less you have and the time you need to make that person proud the twice less time you need to disappoint that person.

I've had a couple of girlfriends, but there is always this feeling of something I've forgotten and something is missing. Is it the voice that for several years decided what was right or wrong, what was perfect or ugly? The voice of what you should or should not do? The voice of "do what you want" giving away in those words the "I just want your best" and you just want to accept it? This is just about me! Right?

I have courage to say "no", I just don't have the courage to stay up with my decision while my mum cries crocodile tears. What about the silent room that I create full of fear, hate, imprisoned tears and dead thoughts inside of me and the tension of my kept breath that was once created my a ridiculously stupid thought of "they understand that they still have the power" in the end, that's what they want.

This year at college everything is different, including me. Now there is this girl, as there was a lot more before, that keeps looking and smiling at me. She's blue eyes, long brown hair, and I can't even look at her properly! I don't know anything, apart from: The need of talking to her. But that's exactly where all my problems comes from.

My friends think it's as easy as going up to her and start talking. And it could be if I wasn't programmed to make every output come out perfectly (Ending up failing anyway). I can't help myself. I'm afraid of the wrong, bad, disgusting, end... I don't know what to say, do, feel, think; I'd probably end up leaving without even getting close to her (Just having a second thought).

It's not as easy as just let it go, for me it needs to have a pattern, and for me there is only one right way. This makes me sad and revolts me for the simple reason of not being able of thinking and reacting for myself, without needing to ask for help in forums. I don't want to talk to my friends either about this (Too embarrassing?!).

You're overthinking a relatively simple process, the only possible way to date her is to discuss it with her, whether that's the first thing you say or you wait until you guys know each other a little better is up to you but one thing is certain and that's you needing to strike up a conversation with her.

No! that's the problem. I don't know what to say. I don't who she is or anything about her. What would you say? Looking at someone for a couple weeks is not what I really want.

(02-16-2011, 10:34 AM)dan08 Wrote: [ -> ]No! that's the problem. I don't know what to say. I don't who she is or anything about her. What would you say? Looking at someone for a couple weeks is not what I really want.

You just said to me what you should say to her, let her know you want to hang out, get to know her better, something along those lines. You won't find much out about her without talking to her, not much worth knowing anyways.

i think the best thing to do is dont think aboout it too much and show you are confident ,just go up to her and ask her if she wants to hang out abit.Girls love a man with confidence.Either way if shes interested she will say yes if not then at least you will know straight off and can stop kicking yourself over it

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courage is earnt to yourself by how you initially promote yourself.have some balls and ask........itz not going to kill you.Trust me as soon as you have done this you will gain courage /confidence. and this will continue the more and more you try it

Just start off with some casual conversation, don't try to rush her or anything.

The stress you are feeling is normal, so don't punish yourself for feeling unsure. You need to break the ice between you. Casually offer to buy her a treat. I suggest hot chocolate and an almond croissant.

As for topics of conversations, ask her about her interests or pets. Most girls love to be asked about either.

(02-17-2011, 11:21 AM)Eve Wrote: [ -> ]The stress you are feeling is normal, so don't punish yourself for feeling unsure. You need to break the ice between you. Casually offer to buy her a treat. I suggest hot chocolate and an almond croissant.

As for topics of conversations, ask her about her interests or pets. Most girls love to be asked about either.

Good job Eve now I'm wanting an almond croissant, probably harder to find that than a brick of unclaimed gold around here

(02-17-2011, 11:21 AM)Eve Wrote: [ -> ]The stress you are feeling is normal, so don't punish yourself for feeling unsure. You need to break the ice between you. Casually offer to buy her a treat. I suggest hot chocolate and an almond croissant.

As for topics of conversations, ask her about her interests or pets. Most girls love to be asked about either.

This is the kind of answer I'm looking for. Thank you eve for that, I actually been thinking for myself about how I can approach and start the conversation. That also lead me to think about the location of the conversation, for example outside, canteen, shop, or whatever, as well as if she's alone, with a friend or a group of people. I mean, there are a lot of factors that might change the conversation and how well I manage to talk to her.

Anyway, I really like the "hot chocolate" idea, and I'm hoping to hear more ideas from more people. And By the way, I'm not really looking for psychological help aimed to give me confidence, I'm just looking for ideas of what to say, maybe how she will react, maybe some ideas on if she reacts in a different way, what shall I do and so on, I think you got the point. I'd like to thank eve again, for making me think all day about my situation, keep bumping me with new ideas.

Requesting a tl;dr version on this too. Thanks.