11-29-2010, 01:06 AM
Okay first off with a bit about me :
I was born December 23 1994 ( weird huh? ), i was born very under weight and short, since being so under weight i had issues involving being extremely weak, heart problems, calcium deficiency, and Vitamin D deficiency also.
During my toddler years 2-4 years old, i got slightly better, increasing weight to a safe amount and began being involved in sports, and was actually quite comfortable around Girls.
When i turned 5 we immigrated from Macedonia to New Zealand, very far away.
From here is where i like to think my anti - socialness along with my weight problems began, along with lack of any physical activity which i regret everyday of my life.
During the "child " years of my life 6-12, i increased in weight ALOT i was around 60kg at 6, with a height of no more than 1.51M i believe, to add to that i was constantly teased and ignored, no one cared, really.
During year 1 ( i was 5 years old, in New zealand they call them years, year 1 is when you are 5, year 2 is when you are 6 etc ) i was liked, i was thin and at a safe weight, and there was nothing wrong with my life, all my teachers liked me ( most to nearly all still do, its a thing with them ) and i had plenty of friends, as i progressed through school i made some more friends and even a girl friend which at the time i hadnt noticed untill some kids started picking on me about it, that would usual cause me to go and eat lots. soon, we broke up, i really do not know the reason why, we were kids, i don't remember it that well.
so basically throughout the years beyond year 2 ( after 6 years of age ) i was teased, then i'd eat, gain more weight and be teased about that and then eat more, a vicious cycle. i was not alone though my brother was there and we sort of hung out, because we were new and all. But it never was the same, at the time when i was constantly eating to supress what was going on i didn't know id become obese, i caught on late about 14 years of age, at which i was looming the 90kg mark on the scale, i felt alone depressed and basically worthless, i wasn't smart, im still not smart.
When we moved for a second time, this time to a place more affordable, and by that i mean instead of renting my parents purchased there first house and we moved into it, i was once again up rooted from my friends, and i was put into a new school with new people, full of Maoris, no offense to them at all, they just stole all my stuff and never actually cared about the way they treated me. So, i got back into the game and made new friends, but i was very much disliked by a lot of people, except for about 2 Adam ( who is a total dick now, and i'm not friends with him ) and Joseph ( probably the worlds nicest guy i know, he was and still is totally awesome.) during this time, year 5-6 i was at a very high weight and was obese for my age and height.
i had also become quite anti social and only cared about playing games, i was heavily addicted to runescape, and would be continually addicted until about 14 1/2 years, during year 4-5 i was Constantly bullied, not only verbally but physically, and this didn't stop until about a few months ago when i finally stood up for myself. with that amount of strain on me all the time i turned to fantasy life where i could be the bully, and was respected more, i chronically ate and drank fat foods, chips and soft drinks, and had very little activity outside the chair of my room.
during secondary school, ( a school that only has 2 years, years 7-8.) i was bullied also, and not by people from school but by close friends also, bullying ranged from exclusion to verbal to the sad and what i found very hurtful at the time " your fat ". I didn't know what to do so i said F**K them, and slipped further into anti socialism, and this continued until year 9, during year 9 i had my first actually girlfriend, i was totally in love with her, utterly, i would do anything for her, and i did. i lent her money which she promised to pay back, i did some of her homework, all i asked was she loved me back. After a few months ( she didn't even want to kiss me? ) she broke up with me. this caused me to be sad, but not a lot because i realized she didn't love me.
In year 10, i was madly getting into puberty, testosterone in my blood, and that's when 90% of the bullying stopped. in year 10 i realized i was hopelessly lost, and felt depressed because of my weight, my parents verbally abuse me because of it, some times torture me by making me weigh myself in front of them, they used to hit me but not anymore, they just yell at me now, i usually tune out when they do and not listen it helps sometimes but when they yell at me about my friends and how stuipd and unsuccessful they are ( we have only just begun college year 11 is the first year where the first real exam start! ) and say how i will be exactly like them.
i take offense really easy by words, they can hit me, i prefer it as it would go away in a week or 2, but verbal stays with me for longer. And now to get to my current situation, i am fat, stupid and recently broke up with my girl friend because she said i make her feel like a slut, i was disappointed in her because she broke up with me 2 days after our relationship started then came crawling back with a lame excuse, you could say i was looking for a reason to dump her, and i was truly because she hurt me, Very deeply,to sum up what i need advice on will be hard but here goes.
i feel useless, i am unable to do anything right, i feel as if i am a burden on my family being fat, stupid and lonely because no girl that i make friends with will go out with me, i usually keep my emotions to myself as i feel like a bit of a bitch if i talk about myself and tell my story as i have just now, but what i need help is on where to go from here,
i am 176-178CM tall, i weigh 101.9 Kg, my BMI is 32.9 which means i am obese and i am feeling depressed about this, i have a bow flex at home and a tred mill, im on break but i just dont know what to do, and i need some advice on what to do about my life
i need advice on what to do about my :
weight ( obviously work out, but i can never seem to stick to a work out routine anymore )
Loneliness ( i can no longer talk to girls that are considered " hot " although i have a few girls that i am friends with )
Getting rid of all my bad habbits
Friends being so well not accepted by my parents
Please guys, i am not trolling, this is me asking for help, i hope you guys can help and know that this is all true, and i dont know what to do with my life.
I was born December 23 1994 ( weird huh? ), i was born very under weight and short, since being so under weight i had issues involving being extremely weak, heart problems, calcium deficiency, and Vitamin D deficiency also.
During my toddler years 2-4 years old, i got slightly better, increasing weight to a safe amount and began being involved in sports, and was actually quite comfortable around Girls.
When i turned 5 we immigrated from Macedonia to New Zealand, very far away.
From here is where i like to think my anti - socialness along with my weight problems began, along with lack of any physical activity which i regret everyday of my life.
During the "child " years of my life 6-12, i increased in weight ALOT i was around 60kg at 6, with a height of no more than 1.51M i believe, to add to that i was constantly teased and ignored, no one cared, really.
During year 1 ( i was 5 years old, in New zealand they call them years, year 1 is when you are 5, year 2 is when you are 6 etc ) i was liked, i was thin and at a safe weight, and there was nothing wrong with my life, all my teachers liked me ( most to nearly all still do, its a thing with them ) and i had plenty of friends, as i progressed through school i made some more friends and even a girl friend which at the time i hadnt noticed untill some kids started picking on me about it, that would usual cause me to go and eat lots. soon, we broke up, i really do not know the reason why, we were kids, i don't remember it that well.
so basically throughout the years beyond year 2 ( after 6 years of age ) i was teased, then i'd eat, gain more weight and be teased about that and then eat more, a vicious cycle. i was not alone though my brother was there and we sort of hung out, because we were new and all. But it never was the same, at the time when i was constantly eating to supress what was going on i didn't know id become obese, i caught on late about 14 years of age, at which i was looming the 90kg mark on the scale, i felt alone depressed and basically worthless, i wasn't smart, im still not smart.
When we moved for a second time, this time to a place more affordable, and by that i mean instead of renting my parents purchased there first house and we moved into it, i was once again up rooted from my friends, and i was put into a new school with new people, full of Maoris, no offense to them at all, they just stole all my stuff and never actually cared about the way they treated me. So, i got back into the game and made new friends, but i was very much disliked by a lot of people, except for about 2 Adam ( who is a total dick now, and i'm not friends with him ) and Joseph ( probably the worlds nicest guy i know, he was and still is totally awesome.) during this time, year 5-6 i was at a very high weight and was obese for my age and height.
i had also become quite anti social and only cared about playing games, i was heavily addicted to runescape, and would be continually addicted until about 14 1/2 years, during year 4-5 i was Constantly bullied, not only verbally but physically, and this didn't stop until about a few months ago when i finally stood up for myself. with that amount of strain on me all the time i turned to fantasy life where i could be the bully, and was respected more, i chronically ate and drank fat foods, chips and soft drinks, and had very little activity outside the chair of my room.
during secondary school, ( a school that only has 2 years, years 7-8.) i was bullied also, and not by people from school but by close friends also, bullying ranged from exclusion to verbal to the sad and what i found very hurtful at the time " your fat ". I didn't know what to do so i said F**K them, and slipped further into anti socialism, and this continued until year 9, during year 9 i had my first actually girlfriend, i was totally in love with her, utterly, i would do anything for her, and i did. i lent her money which she promised to pay back, i did some of her homework, all i asked was she loved me back. After a few months ( she didn't even want to kiss me? ) she broke up with me. this caused me to be sad, but not a lot because i realized she didn't love me.
In year 10, i was madly getting into puberty, testosterone in my blood, and that's when 90% of the bullying stopped. in year 10 i realized i was hopelessly lost, and felt depressed because of my weight, my parents verbally abuse me because of it, some times torture me by making me weigh myself in front of them, they used to hit me but not anymore, they just yell at me now, i usually tune out when they do and not listen it helps sometimes but when they yell at me about my friends and how stuipd and unsuccessful they are ( we have only just begun college year 11 is the first year where the first real exam start! ) and say how i will be exactly like them.
i take offense really easy by words, they can hit me, i prefer it as it would go away in a week or 2, but verbal stays with me for longer. And now to get to my current situation, i am fat, stupid and recently broke up with my girl friend because she said i make her feel like a slut, i was disappointed in her because she broke up with me 2 days after our relationship started then came crawling back with a lame excuse, you could say i was looking for a reason to dump her, and i was truly because she hurt me, Very deeply,to sum up what i need advice on will be hard but here goes.
i feel useless, i am unable to do anything right, i feel as if i am a burden on my family being fat, stupid and lonely because no girl that i make friends with will go out with me, i usually keep my emotions to myself as i feel like a bit of a bitch if i talk about myself and tell my story as i have just now, but what i need help is on where to go from here,
i am 176-178CM tall, i weigh 101.9 Kg, my BMI is 32.9 which means i am obese and i am feeling depressed about this, i have a bow flex at home and a tred mill, im on break but i just dont know what to do, and i need some advice on what to do about my life
i need advice on what to do about my :
weight ( obviously work out, but i can never seem to stick to a work out routine anymore )
Loneliness ( i can no longer talk to girls that are considered " hot " although i have a few girls that i am friends with )
Getting rid of all my bad habbits
Friends being so well not accepted by my parents
Please guys, i am not trolling, this is me asking for help, i hope you guys can help and know that this is all true, and i dont know what to do with my life.