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I'm new here, but I hope that isn't too much of a deterrent for advice.

Where should I start? Background info I guess. I've been going out with my girlfriend for about 8 months now, and I've known about this for the entire time, I just don't know how to help. She has a very very low stress tolerance level and has a history of depression. She watched her dad die when she was five (some heart condition). Her moms boyfriend is a dick. So is her mom now that I think about it. She is a cutter, but I've been trying to help her stop, and so far she hasn't cut (as far as I know) for a month.

The root of all of this is her ex-friend. Let's call this friend Jane, and my gf Christine. Christine is a legit bisexual, (has done partner masturbation with another girl) and for a long time, had a crush on her best friend Jane. Jane goes through that stage where they think they're homosexual or bisexual, and goes out with some chick who is legitly homosexual. Christine is sad, and in desperation, tells Jane that she likes her.

Jane accuses Christine of being a poser and they get into a huge fight. The rest of the story is basically they become friends again and have another huge fight. Jane tells Christine she wants nothing to do with her, and that she pretty much won't talk to her ever again.

Jane was the more charismatic of the two, so in losing Jane, Christine lost all of her friends except for a few. She goes through a long (almost a year) phase of depression, until finally she tries to complete suicide. She thankfully thought of how her friends would feel if she did, so she stopped midway through.

FF through a few months, she comes to the same HS as me, we hit it off, blah blah blah. As I said earlier in the post, she has a very low stress tolerance level. That coupled with everything that has happened to her, it's no wonder why she's an emotional mess.

Anyways, Jane wasn't really a big problem, as Christine didn't have any classes with her. Well, that's changed this year. In one of her art classes, Christine has two of her best friends plus Jane. Jane is also those two peoples friends. This probably would have been fine if it wasn't for one thing: Jane is bullying them into not talking to Christine. Everything I've suggested to Christine to do has been shot down by her. She can't bring herself to tell Jane to stop, nor can she change classes.

Sorry for that wall of text with a simple question. What should I do? I can't stand watching her go through this, it's like watching someone slowly die.

Thank you in advance for any suggestions. It feels good just to be able to let this out.

Be there for her...If you worry about being "too" clingy, you aren't. Your girl friend is a lot like how I used to be as well as my ex girl friend. It took me two years to get my ex girlfriend to stop cutting. Make your girlfriend realize she deserves to be happy. Treat her like a goddess. Love her and be there for her no matter what happens.

Have you thought of having an intervention, or perhaps suggested therapy?

(08-29-2010, 09:18 AM).//Xypher Wrote: [ -> ]Make your girlfriend realize she deserves to be happy. Treat her like a goddess. Love her and be there for her no matter what happens.

Agreed.

Your goal should however be to encourage her towards being emotionally independent, since a dependence on you can ultimately wear you out as well.

Whereas men often engage in physical aggression, women are prone to emotional aggression towards each other. I can understand that your girlfriend is not the confrontational type. Nor should she even try to mend relations with these three girls - she should understand and accept that "Jane" is an emotional manipulator. Attend class, then leave.

Ah correct. Make her realize she is worth happiness and make her happy, but make it so that she doesn't rely on you for that happiness.

Thank you for all of your replies.


I've been trying to help her in every way I could think of, but so far it hasn't amounted to much. Unfortunately, I think I've already become her "crutch" for happiness. She's pretty much said so before.

@.//Xypher I've never really been worried about being clingy, it's just the way I am I guess.

@Eve I appreciate where you're coming from, but it's not as simple as that. The two other girls are currently her best friends (excluding me). Do you have any idea how that would feel? Two of your favorite people in the world rejecting you for someone else? I know I don't, but I can imagine just how terrible it is. By the way, thank you for editing my post. I tend to ramble on in giant blocks >.>

The two other girls are not her best friends. If they were, they would not be so easily turned against her. It does sound to me like your girlfriend did not make good choices when she decided on who to trust as her best friends. It happens - girls turn against one another for reasons that guys cannot fathom. Trust me on this. That is a reason that many girls often choose to have friendships with guys rather than girls.

It may help if she tried making friends with a different crowd - girls who are older, guys whom you both trust, family friends, or friends from associations and clubs.

(08-29-2010, 03:37 PM)Eve Wrote: [ -> ]The two other girls are not her best friends. If they were, they would not be so easily turned against her. It does sound to me like your girlfriend did not make good choices when she decided on who to trust as her best friends. It happens - girls turn against one another for reasons that guys cannot fathom.

This is kind of what I was trying to get at. It's just not as cut and dry as go to the class and get done with it. She HAS to be by them. She pretty much HAS to interact with all of them.

This is also why I hate girl drama, most of the time I have no idea what started it.