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Okay, I never though I'd be sharing these things with strangers over the internet but I'm at the end of my line. Okay, first off, I'm a pretty messed up kid. On the exterior I seem like an average happy guy, but my mind is something else. You could say I'm quite... askew.

Anywho, to my problems. I find myself not being able to sit in a house alone, watch horror-films or worst of all, walk down a street by myself. These problems are exacerbated when its dark. I think its because I'm scared of the unknown and the "possible". The fear is so crippling, I make excuses to go out and watch horror movies with friends and when I'm walking alone, I talk main roads and separate paths to other people. I know that may sound funny, and yes I understand it pretty much sums up paranoia.

Now, to my other problems. I'm very self-conscious about the way I look and my weight. I'm not fat, but I'm definitely far from ripped. I am always making sure when I pass people, usually girls, to make myself look perfect, hair etc. Even though people tell me I'm not bad looking, I always accuse myself of being just plain ugly.

Wait, you didn't think there could possibly be more??!?!? There is!
Okay, let me paint you a word picture.
4 main friendship groups (in short):
Jocks, sporty, popular etc.
Nerds
Guys who aren't complete jocks, but are popular.
Guys who ditch school etc.

Okay, I have friends from all four. Some of my jock friends don't like me hanging out with the guys who ditch school. The guys who ditch school are the ones who invite me to go out. The guys who aren't complete jocks, but are popular are becoming more and more friendly with and I like them. I have a couple nerd friends who I like aswell. I kind of feel overwhelmed at the moment, because I kind of fit into every group, yet some the groups hate each other.


Anyway, feels good to unload. Thoughts? Comments? I wrote them in-order of how much I am concerned with them (top to bottom). Thanks for reading, I really appreciate it.

Take some comfort in knowing that the problems you have are what Victor Hugo would call 'attractive problems.' It sounds to me like you have a heightened sense of your circumstances and your ability to control them. Not at all a bad thing to cultivate, since most people are far more careless and, subsequently, unlikely to prevent problems before they arise.

#1. You are not paranoid about walking in the dark or taking main streets. For any age or gender it is a risk to do so when you could easily take lighted paths. Public safety cannot be guaranteed by any legislation, and it is up to the individual's discretion to be mindful to keeping themselves safe from potentially vulnerable situations, or making themselves an easy target. Good on you for choosing to be safe rather than sorry. As to being uncomfortable with horror movies when alone at home, it is not at all unusual. Any type of media - movies, books, music - with violent or horrific themes are a negative influence, entertaining though they may be. There are other ways to seek entertainment or adrenaline rushes without succumbing your mind to disturbing thoughts. There is a quote I remind myself of often, by the philosopher Friedrich Nietzsche: And if you gaze for long into an abyss, the abyss gazes also into you. Contemplation of disturbing themes will disturb your mind, and keeping your mind psychologically safe from such themes is as healthy as keeping yourself safe from physical harm.

Let me know if this helps you, I shall reply then to problems #2 and #3.

It was great to get such a well-spoken response. I understand the rationality from which my fears derive and I my excuse to people who I confine in is that I don't understand why I would put my mind through that. Any practical advice? Anything I could try that would help myself?

Cheers,
Omega.

Just because you're different? So what. I wouldnt judge you for who you hang out, as long as you're real to me. Don't let this drive you away from friends, because of other friends.

I have friends from all groups also, so I can kind of relate to you.